He Is Home


He just went down for a nap. I can tell Al is definitely slower in movement but less tremors and sweating. I think he did alright on the way home in the ambulance. He even did alright when he was being taken out of it and I heard him talking to the drivers.

Once everything and him were inside and they took off, Al let loose. I thought what in the world? He really didn’t want to come home. But that wasn’t the case at all. He evidently had been holding this in until he got home. His fear and his dismay.

Through sobbing I made it out that the doctor had told him his real diagnosis. I had never told Al because I was afraid he may not comprehend it. The doctor also told Al that he had less than a year to live.

Al and I had talked many times about his life being shortened and seeing Mom, but for some reason hearing it from a doctor was cemented more in his brain. He got it and he was letting me know how it made him feel.

He said that while he was at the Hospice House he spoke to mom and God. He said the two said the same thing, that they are waiting for him. He said once again that  God said he can go now if he is ready.

We talked about how his body lets him know when it has had enough by tremoring worse and sweating. I heard him have labored breathing when he had to stand to be changed. He ate all of his supper with very little tremors.

He even drank his milk by himself. But everything is like watching in a slow motion movie. He slumps more and you can tell the body is not matching with his thoughts. He wants to go to Day Program tomorrow even though I explained what could happen to him. He said he wants to try.

He cried again as he said he was ruining my weekends. He understood pretty well that he may not be able to go out on the weekends if he chose to continue Day Program full-time. I think in the end we are playing it by ear and seeing how he feels. I told him it didn’t bother me not going out on the weekends. I explained that if he gave up one day at the Day Program we had a better chance of going out to eat. I also explained that if I wanted to go out bad enough I could go while he was at Day Program.

As soon as supper was over he wanted to nap. I can tell by his eyes that he is drugged. I guess this is the kicker to having less tremors. We are truly talking about the comfort stage now here at home.awesome-blossombook4AnimatedCandleThoughtandPrayers

36 thoughts on “He Is Home

  1. You know i clicked like only to tell you that I had read it. I don’t want you to think I just click like and go.

    I wish there was something I could say or do Terry.

    {{{HUGS}}}

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  2. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily, Terry. I know that God works all things together for good, but I also know that sometimes it is hard to see it when you are going through it. I am praying for that revelation for you daily. I so want you to have a peace that surpasses all understanding. Big hugs and much love sent to you and Al.

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    • thank you so much Skye. Although it is wonderful to have him home, my heart still aches for what he is going through. I feel so bad that he has had the cards laid out on the table and yet it is probably for the best. big hugs

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  3. Wow. Terry, don’t you see? Your prayer about discussing the visits to day programme with Al had been answered. You didnt know how to broach the subject with him or how to talk to him about it without him getting upset but through Al talking to the doctors you were able to calmly find a way to talk to Al about day programme.

    I am glad he is home with you i am sure he is happy xx

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  4. Fear not, doubt not… I CAN assure you that he did converse with his mom and the Lord and, that he was given a choice because its happened to me Terry and, when it happens, be at peace that Al was prepared and was immediately welcomed into his Savior’s arms. You needn’t apologize about not knowing regarding my condition ~you don’t sound whiny either… see, my mom, and both sisters have muscular dystrophy ~ Mama passed away 7 yrs ago, and my younger sister Liza 6 yrs ago, I know what it feels to see the dearest souls fade away. I’ve one sister left and she’s a great comfort to me although we are physically unable to be together –[she married & lives downstairs so, since we’re both bedridden we scarcely are strong enough to get into our wheelchair ~ Nevertheless, we are as One. I understand your suffering & sadness ~ Stay strong dear! Xoxo

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  5. Hey Terry,
    🙂
    I’m glad Al knows, but it must be heartbreaking for you to watch him fall apart. I’m glad the medication has at least slowed the tremors down. I suppose there is no easy answer it’s a time thing. Your very strong Terry and very loving. Love to you and Al. Paula xxxx

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  6. yes…sweetheart…I think the time is drawing near…but, only God knows the time…you’ve done all that you can do…and Al has given this horrific disease a kick too…He has a will that’s for sure…wanting to go to the day program…I could just hug him!…

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  7. I echo again what all have said before me…I didn’t click ‘like’ – for I can’t like the physical and emotional torture and toll this takes on you both. To hold you close in prayers and thoughts seems to be all one can do. And I do. We all do.

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  8. I have often wondered how you cope emotionally with Al’s tears. Anthony hardly ever cries but he did the other day and my heart broke. You are strong, Terry – beautiful and strong.

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  9. You were brilliant to let Al vocalize his fears as he faced the truth of his diagnosis. Not feeling free or able to talk about it is worse. You’ve been wonderful and I, like so many others, keep you both in my prayers.

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  10. Your words always have tears running down my face. I am glad he is home. At home, with you, he doesn’t have to have any guards up which at Hospice could be exhausting. I’m sorry the Dr. told him so much yet with our talks about letting go, permission to go, body shutting down, the spirit, God and your mom, things are shifting. Did you tell him about the frog in your stool? We call it a toilet but I think he would smile at you. Or try. You’d know, by looking into his eyes whether he was smiling or not, given that the ability to do so might be unavailable to him. Be well and know so many are praying for you both. Oh and a side note, snakes have been known to come through pipes too so, um, check your stool before you sit. My grandma does! I’m thinking about it. HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS!

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    • My grandma had a snake in her stool years ago. I remembered this as you talked about it. Gross, can you imagine sitting down and getting bit on the bare butt?? LOL, I think when the doc told Al it made more of an impact, like it was real, but this morning he was bubbly and talkitive. He likes not having so many tremors. I hope it last for a while. hugs my friend

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