He Is Home

He just went down for a nap. I can tell Al is definitely slower in movement but less tremors and sweating. I think he did alright on the way home in the ambulance. He even did alright when he was being taken out of it and I heard him talking to the drivers.

Once everything and him were inside and they took off, Al let loose. I thought what in the world? He really didn’t want to come home. But that wasn’t the case at all. He evidently had been holding this in until he got home. His fear and his dismay.

Through sobbing I made it out that the doctor had told him his real diagnosis. I had never told Al because I was afraid he may not comprehend it. The doctor also told Al that he had less than a year to live.

Al and I had talked many times about his life being shortened and seeing Mom, but for some reason hearing it from a doctor was cemented more in his brain. He got it and he was letting me know how it made him feel.

He said that while he was at the Hospice House he spoke to mom and God. He said the two said the same thing, that they are waiting for him. He said once again that  God said he can go now if he is ready.

We talked about how his body lets him know when it has had enough by tremoring worse and sweating. I heard him have labored breathing when he had to stand to be changed. He ate all of his supper with very little tremors.

He even drank his milk by himself. But everything is like watching in a slow motion movie. He slumps more and you can tell the body is not matching with his thoughts. He wants to go to Day Program tomorrow even though I explained what could happen to him. He said he wants to try.

He cried again as he said he was ruining my weekends. He understood pretty well that he may not be able to go out on the weekends if he chose to continue Day Program full-time. I think in the end we are playing it by ear and seeing how he feels. I told him it didn’t bother me not going out on the weekends. I explained that if he gave up one day at the Day Program we had a better chance of going out to eat. I also explained that if I wanted to go out bad enough I could go while he was at Day Program.

As soon as supper was over he wanted to nap. I can tell by his eyes that he is drugged. I guess this is the kicker to having less tremors. We are truly talking about the comfort stage now here at home.