My first thoughts were sadness. He doesn’t want to see me? Don’t I do everything I can for him? Why doesn’t he want to come home?
The nurse said they spoiled him. Well, I spoil him also. The nurse said he was feeling better. The doctor said it will be up to me how well he continues to feel at home. Based on what he is allowed to do. The only time he was out of bed was for a shower. He even ate in bed.
I guess I am going to have to face this sooner. Talking to him about his activities. Maybe he is not crazy about me. After all I am the sister. They were nurses and strangers. Someone new.
You can tell that I am struggling on accepting this. I wish they would not have told me to be quite honest. I know that I don’t spend every minute with him. If I did, the house would not be cleaned, laundry and cooking set aside. Rhino would not be fed. Dishes would pile up.
I am getting too hung up on this crap and I want to stop feeling this way. I am having a talk with myself but when he gets here it will all come flooding back.
No matter how much I love him I must have space. I can’t sit in his room every minute he is a wake. I need to breathe. Is this wrong? He watches TV quite a bit by himself. I don’t really care for his shows and he doesn’t want to sit much out here in the living room.
I wonder if he is going to want to go to Day Program tomorrow or wait until Tuesday after the holiday.
Now my stomach is getting all messed up. Sometimes I hate myself for being such a mushy grown-up. I have to be me while I take care of him. I want to do a good job and I want him to know that I love him.