Daily Prompt; Groundhog Day

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/09/01/daily-prompt-repetition/, DP, Daily Prompt

In the comedy “Groundhog DayBill Murray experienced the same day again and again, stuck in a time loop until he got the day “right.” What day would you choose to repeat until you got it right? Do you think it’s ever possible to get life “right”?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us REPETITION.

I am going to speak on this topic from experience. I am stuck with the feeling of wanting to be perfect. The perfect child, perfect sister, perfect wife. The house must be perfect.

It sounds crazy when I sit here and read it back. I look in the mirror at my reflection and I can definitely see there is no perfect face looking back. I give very little to myself. I cut my hair shut so I don’t have to mess with it.

I used to wear make-up but when I think about it the reasons were for dating or going out with my husband. Now that I do neither of these, I guess I don’t care.

I can see my problem clearly but I don’t know how to fix it. In order for me to fix myself I need to be accepted first.

Acceptance that I needed and lusted after when I was a kid didn’t come. A broken marriage twice. My kids are great but it isn’t the relationship I so wanted and dreamed about. I wanted phone calls, home visits, get togethers and it isn’t there or barely there.

I work so darn hard at proving I am a worthy person I forget or distract my thoughts today a way from me. I figure I failed, so why bother.

I place all  of my energy in caring for others. I get a satisfaction from this. It makes me feel worthy and this enables me to keep moving forward each day.

I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to look in the mirror and smile back at myself. I don’t know how to accept my body for what it really is and not what the magazines say it should be.

I see wrinkles appearing and have a huge fear of death. It doesn’t matter that I get to go to heaven, I am still scared.

Dealing with Al‘s death approaching I heard him tell me Friday that he is ready to go. Will I get to that spot too? Will I feel comfortable in my own skin to ever be as bold as he is? Facing the stages of death has been a learning experience for me.

I see what Al struggles through with thoughts of the unknown. I would think this would make me stronger. Maybe it does but not in the right areas.

I have a lot of fixing up to do and time is running out. We never know our day of final breathing will be and I know in age I am getting older by the year. So many things I can not control.

Cleaning my house trying to make it spotless will never happen. We live within these walls. I can clean and go back and clean and nothing changes. It will be dirty again in no time at all.

I am really trying to change this. I haven’t swept for two days. I only dusted once this week. These are major changes for me and a real challenge to accomplish.

So there is no day of the week that I will be perfect. God made me and he knew from the beginning I would never be perfect. So why keep beating myself up for a goal that will never happen.

What I need to do and am trying to do is accept that I am who I am. Period, no questions asked. Life sure would be a lot easier and probably calmer.diamonds I would say that I am a diamond in the rough. I can shine through. I am a little rough around the edges. But I need some extra polishing.

19 thoughts on “Daily Prompt; Groundhog Day

  1. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Groundhog Day | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  2. Look at all the apostles Terry, none of them were near perfect, Paul killed Christians before Jesus spoke to him. What we are is not important, we are saved because we accept Jesus as our Savior! What God sees when he looks at us is the blood of Jesus that he sacrificed to save us. I am not saying that we should not try to be good, I am saying that death holds no bonds on us when Jesus promised us eternal life, and what we look like or what other people see is what we are doing. Are we striving to be like Christ and love others with the love of God first and foremost? Nothing else matters. Will you be ready when death comes knocking, well you won’t know till the time comes no matter whether you think you will or not. Al knows he wants to quit hurting and that is the promise that he is resting upon. We will all rest upon God’s promise if we believe in him. Sorry for the sermon, love, we are all God’s children and like you love your own, he loves you.


      • Because we are in a battle over our soul with the evil one my friend, as much as God loves us, Satan hates us. We just have to remember that we have the power over evil, and we don’t have to let it in. When you start hearing those voices that tell you how worthless that you are, realize where they are coming from and tell them to go away. My Pastor brought up something that another Pastor said this morning in his sermon, he said the other Pastor would write Satan a message on the sole of their shoe, stomp on it, and tell Satan that God gave us power over him!
        When you don’t feel loved, start reading Psalms and realize that even David sometimes wonder where God was but always came to the conclusion that regardless of whether he felt worthy or not, God still loved him! Satan loses the battle in the end and there is no sense in letting him pretend that we are worthless. If God felt we were worthless, why would he go to the effort to send his son so that we might be saved?


      • this is very true. Some days I feel good about myself until I disappoint someone or can’t seem to help Al. Then the feelings of inadequate come swirling back. I like the writing letter to Satan on the bottom of the shoe. Thanks for the chat. You have opened my eyes


      • It is amazing how God works my friend, he must have had you in mind when my Pastor presented his sermon this morning! Wish you were here or that I could be there! Love you!


  3. Pingback: Would I really want a chance to do it again? | Rob's Surf Report

  4. Take care, Terry. Don’t be sad. Don’t be afraid. I think I can understand you. I wish you the best from my heart. I wish Al will get better. I’ll pray for you.


  5. Pingback: “The end” | Life is great

  6. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Groundhog Day | My Atheist Blog

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