Not Again, So Soon?

Well here it is. That time again, the day I dreaded. Al’s tremors and heavy sweating are back. Al is crying saying ” the medication didn’t last long did it? I am ready to die. I accept and I want to die.”

I wonder if he is reacting to me saying yes against my better judgement on going to the day program. Although that was Friday and today is Sunday.

He woke up complaining of tingling in his arm. I don’t think it is serious. I believe he may have slept on it. It was not working for a while but it is now.

He ate breakfast but refused lunch. He has been in bed all day. Refusing to get up. The Hospice nurse is on her way.

You all say I have strength. Well the well is dry, and the mind is tired. The body is frustrated. Let’s hope the nurse has something to say.tears

34 thoughts on “Not Again, So Soon?

  1. Terry,
    I read your posts backwards. I know I’ve said how strong you are too, but now it is simply in how you haven’t run away… And many do. My whole family left me due to my illness that they just can’t deal with. They are weak and this is how you are still strong, even when there is nothing left of you. In truth, there is something in you that gives you the strength to stay by Al’s side, and for that reason, you are strong. A different perspective…
    A xoxox


    • I am so sorry your family has abandoned you. Why is it that the ones we love the most can hurt us more than anything. I don’t know for sure what keeps me going. The will to help to the very end, the hope that I can fix it? I don’t know, but I do know I won’t stop until he does. hugs my friend


      • I don’t know how I keep going, either. We all have a choice to take an early exit when we face terrible illness, but I’m still here. This is the strength that is hidden deep… And you. Per my family, I think the term love is largely gone at this point. They were never great as it was and when I got sick. That was the icing on the cake, so to speak. Hugs to you!


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