Daily Archives: September 5, 2013

Dedicated To My Friend Dianne Cogar

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This past week I have been reading more of Dianne’s  poetry than ever before. Why, you ask? Because she writes about life. She writes about people. She writes from her heart and soul the same as I.

I have been lucky enough to have chatted with her over the phone and I am glad that I can call her one of my friends. She knows that I care for Al. She has also done this in her own family, been the head caregiver. She along with anyone who has taken care of elderly, disabled, or anything that others would consider out of the normal, know how tedious and    butterflies 2tiring this job can be.

She also realized as you do that I pretty much go it alone. The Hospice number is always at hand for me, and I greatly appreciate this as I am treading some new waters I have not waded in before.

I stress over things that haven’t happened and you can call me one silly worry wart. I do because of caring for my brother and my father. I can’t  help but  wonder what will happen to me. I know I have said this before, but it weighs on my mind. No one wants to lose their memory. No one wants to become ill.

No one wants to end up as  a stranger to their family. No one wants to die alone. Dianne has been writing poetry for years and this past week she has touched base on the caring for parents.

I was rummaging through U Tube waiting to give my brother his medications and bed time snack when I came across this video. It ripped at my heart as I could relate in so many patients I have cared for.

I don’t care how young you are. Some day you are going to forget things. You are going to wrinkle. You are going to get old no matter how much you exercise or  pay to look young. And I can promise you that one day, you will die.

I guess what I am getting at is- take a moment. Look around in your busy life. Do you have grandparents that are lonely? Do you have an aunt or uncle, brother or sister who is disabled? Do you know someone in your corner of life that is all alone.

My saying I have had for 23 years as a caregiver is “ treat everyone like you want to be treated when you become old. Don’t forget the elderly and the disabled.”

Take a look at this video. It is in a foreign language but read the bottom, it is in English. If you have seen it before, watch it again. If you have never seen it, watch it and then take mental notes.

Thank-you Dianne Cogar so much for coming into my life at the time you did. It was meant to happen. You, my friends can find Dianne on Facebook. She writes for Blue Mountains Art Backyard. She has had her poetry published and I am always astounded at what comes out of her mind onto white pages.

Here is the video.

http://youtu.be/N6_583_o54U
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A Seed Was Planted

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I started my day off pretty good but as it went on I became more tired, sleepy, worn out and irritable. By the time I had to meet the hospice nurse, I must have looked ragged because she asked, ” what is wrong with you?” I guess my body gave me a way.

I had company this afternoon. The phone rang over and over. It was always about Al. I didn’t even get my 15 minute cat nap today. Oh don’t get me wrong, I would have it no other way. I like knowing Al is home and this is where he will remain.

But gosh dang, my age is starting to catch up with me. What I could do five years ago, I can’t now. What energy I had this morning was gone by afternoon.

I tried to talk Al into letting me transfer him from his wheelchair into the car. I said, ” let’s eat out.”

No was his reply. I brought him in and fixed supper. After supper he brushed his teeth. I emptied his lunch box and cleaned it out. I emptied his back pack and put his show and tell car a way in his room.

Then I changed his brief. He took one look at his room and started crying. I was afraid of this but had to do what I had to do. You see, I don’t like being the mean bitch of the house. But with Al’s illness going at a shooting starflashing star    http://youtu.be/EUlJsbIXsNo    I have to change things around in his room.

With all of his cars that he won’t let me put back in his closet and the ton of coke stuff all over, I have no room to manipulate that wheel chair.

I had to rearrange his room moving his bed to another wall so I can parallel his wheel chair to the bed as he can’t pivot any longer. Of course I explained why I did what I did but he didn’t care.

Well I did care. I cared about whether he was going to fall. If I let him go it would take him about five minutes to move one step. I can’t afford that kind of time so this is once I did what I did for his sake.

After his crying spell was over I left the room and he did nap. I came out to the kitchen and did the dishes. I had pill boxes to refill and his takes a long time to do. Mine is done in about a minute.

I then got his stuff ready for his lunch for tomorrow and got his clothes ready for his shower in the morning. Finally, I was done. I looked at the clock and I had 23 minutes to spare before he would get up according to his routine. I hurriedly got me a nice cup of coffee and came over to the computer. I flipped my game on FB on and was in the middle of the first game and the bell went off.

Crap, double crap he was a wake. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I went in and changed his brief. Lined up the wheelchair and stood him up. I took hold of his one arm to put him in his chair as there was no walking involved and he hung on to the bed for dear life.

I told him to let go that I had him. I think he about broke my back because my mind was on forward as his was on stay. Finally I got it done and he was seated in his wheelchair, transferred then to his recliner.

I started to walk out of his room back to my coffee and he wants to hold cars. Which cars I asked, those cars, which ones bud, those. Fine, I will figure it out. I will get each one down until you tell me I have the right one. Eventually I had the right one for him and came out to my cold cup of coffee.

I suppose I am hurting because I had to stand yesterday at the auction for four hours. My diabetic feet and back can’t take it. In order for me to get fully refreshed and a good day’s start I need 8 hours sleep. Ya, I know, to some that is a lot, but for my body that is what it takes to feel my best.

Day after day I don’t get that. Sometimes six, five, two, I never seem to catch up. I guess a little bit can be contributed to the fact I am almost 60.

While sitting here I remembered I hadn’t opened the mail. I discovered there was mail for Al. Three cards in fact.Al's cards 6 I want to thank Sandra R. from North Carolina. Thank-you also for the gift you gave to Al, Sandy.  Diane S. from Canada, and thank-you for the prayer cloth my friend. Also I want to thank Paula A. from West Yorkshire. Thank-you also for the post card you inserted about Whitby Harbour. I appreciate you sending me my own little card with your photo on it. It is very pretty.

It was at this moment that God had intervened. He knew I was at one of my little breaking points. I was going to sit and cry in my coffee but instead he planted the seed that we had mail.

I took Al’s cards to him and his tears turned into smiles, then I smiled. I am tired, I  hurt, I want to sleep for three days at least, but God let me know that you are all standing by me and Al.

God bless and many hugs to each and every one of you who has sent cards. I think in all he has about 21 cards. Remember if anyone wants to send him a feel good card please email me at

tellmenolies2004@yahoo.com

for his address.

As I am getting ready to close on this post I have to say caring for Al is very hard work, but he is working harder at staying functioning. My concerns are nothing to his, and when I get tired, I can stand by you.

I Touched My Memories

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Yesterday God helped me have help here at home. I wanted to go to a very special auction. An auction that held many memories for me. Years gone by.

When I first walked up to the items listed tears came in my eyes as I missed the dear loved ones who have now passed on.

I was able to go and look over everything. Al was safe with a very nice lady. I had a really good time and although I will never be this close to the property again, I burned everything I saw and did into my memory box. I will miss you both. You were wonderful people.

Here are photos of what I was able to bring home, enjoy and touch when ever I wish.platesvasecandle holderauction bed warmercarnival glassauction blue vaseauction cookbooksauction dishesauction pinsauction silver wareauction stoolauction watch