Dedicated To My Friend Dianne Cogar


This past week I have been reading more of Dianne’s  poetry than ever before. Why, you ask? Because she writes about life. She writes about people. She writes from her heart and soul the same as I.

I have been lucky enough to have chatted with her over the phone and I am glad that I can call her one of my friends. She knows that I care for Al. She has also done this in her own family, been the head caregiver. She along with anyone who has taken care of elderly, disabled, or anything that others would consider out of the normal, know how tedious and    butterflies 2tiring this job can be.

She also realized as you do that I pretty much go it alone. The Hospice number is always at hand for me, and I greatly appreciate this as I am treading some new waters I have not waded in before.

I stress over things that haven’t happened and you can call me one silly worry wart. I do because of caring for my brother and my father. I can’t  help but  wonder what will happen to me. I know I have said this before, but it weighs on my mind. No one wants to lose their memory. No one wants to become ill.

No one wants to end up as  a stranger to their family. No one wants to die alone. Dianne has been writing poetry for years and this past week she has touched base on the caring for parents.

I was rummaging through U Tube waiting to give my brother his medications and bed time snack when I came across this video. It ripped at my heart as I could relate in so many patients I have cared for.

I don’t care how young you are. Some day you are going to forget things. You are going to wrinkle. You are going to get old no matter how much you exercise or  pay to look young. And I can promise you that one day, you will die.

I guess what I am getting at is- take a moment. Look around in your busy life. Do you have grandparents that are lonely? Do you have an aunt or uncle, brother or sister who is disabled? Do you know someone in your corner of life that is all alone.

My saying I have had for 23 years as a caregiver is “ treat everyone like you want to be treated when you become old. Don’t forget the elderly and the disabled.”

Take a look at this video. It is in a foreign language but read the bottom, it is in English. If you have seen it before, watch it again. If you have never seen it, watch it and then take mental notes.

Thank-you Dianne Cogar so much for coming into my life at the time you did. It was meant to happen. You, my friends can find Dianne on Facebook. She writes for Blue Mountains Art Backyard. She has had her poetry published and I am always astounded at what comes out of her mind onto white pages.

Here is the video.

http://youtu.be/N6_583_o54U

15 thoughts on “Dedicated To My Friend Dianne Cogar

  1. It all sounds a bit bleak, but it is the truth that we are all going to go one day. That is why Terry you mustn’t worry too much, as you cannot influence what is coming, worries don’t change anything, thay make htings worse. Accept the day and find something wonderufl in each day. You are still having Al , enjoy having him every nice smile, every conversation wiht him is preciious. Live for the day! … and have ahug!

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    • thanks for the hug. There are millions of lonely people in the world. If we each could just think about one person it would help so much. Even when Al is no longer here, there will be another who needs some TLC

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  2. I nursed my Mum at home Terry, it wasn’t hard in many ways, in others it was. We had loved each other a very long time, to have ended her days elsewhere would have been to painful for to bear. The Lord undertook for both of us every step of the way. It has now been 10 years since she was called home, but what I say now is true, it has always been I am in Jesus, he in me, and since she is now with him, we are still together. The next person I cared for was an elderly spinster lady, no family, except an estranged male cousin, she came to have Alzeimers in het 80’s, this lady. She had been a faithful member of the ladies bible class I lead for 60 years, (I am not that old?) together with a lady who lived in her street we kept her in her own home, looked after. Hospital visits etc etc. but the icing on the cake was helping to restore the relationship with that cousin. Recently, my church had been able to offer its hall to a local group who offer day respite care to elderly dementia sufferers .. This gives their relatives who share the same home, a few hours, one day a week when they can go to the hairdressers, get some shopping done. It is a privilege, Terry to pop in and chat to these ladies and gentlemen, to offer an arm to unsteady ones, even if there can be little conversation there is always a smile. In your case, you have hard, physical as well as emotional labour, but always remember that everything works to the good of those who love God and others he is faithful, and your reward will far outweigh the toil. The Lord who loves Al will see that all is well for both of you!

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  3. And thank you Terry, I have also been a caregiver and should remember to keep on carrying for those that God has put in my life. I know what I need to do instead of watching tv – call a dear friend who is an elderly woman that lives alone, her husband had died a few years ago and her son lives out of state. We recently went out to dinner and it was fun, then her son took her on vacation and now is back to his home, so now would be a perfect time to call her and spend more time with her. You have a servants heart Terry, and I am blessed to know you and Diane through your words.

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    • there is always someone wanting to know someone cares. Taking care of someone else or showing love for others makes us better people. It is one of God’s commandments

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  4. Just as you predicted Terry, I cried my eyes out after watching this video.

    In fact, I’m still crying as i write this. I will admit, there were times I grew impatient and angered at both my folks while caring for them as they aged and were going through different stages in their life, but NEVER once did either one of them see or hear my outbursts…and I am so thankful that I was able to refrain from putting my emotions of anger and upset on display in front of them. I felt guilty then, and usually did my crying as I was driving home from their house. Often i had to pull off to the side of the road because I was blinded by tears. Had I had a short fuse with them, this would have emotionally crushed me today, I’m sure. I’m crying now thinking about all those out there who are old and lonely, or have irrational caregivers with a short fuse. It just breaks my heart.

    Terry, I believe I’m a messenger, and so aren’t you, but only because of our life experiences can we hope to open the eyes, and the hearts of others who have loved ones who need physical and emotional support. If everyone would only constantly remind themselves that one day this Will be them. And like you said, we all should only expect the treatment we give others…in all fairness, this is what we deserve.

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    • In the six years I have cared for Al I believe I have only cried once in front of him. He looked at me oddly and I took notice and explained I felt so helpless that I could not fix his illness. He told me it wasn’t my fault. That was the one time I knew that Al and my heart touched emotions. We understood. I hide my emotions. I write or I cry in my room or in my car.
      I believe Al or anyone who is suffering is doing that, suffering. They don’t need to feel bad or guilty because they see me crying too. Many ill and elderly take it personally when they see a caregiver crying or mad. They instantly think they caused it.
      We are all going to be wearing the worn shoes and walking the same path one day. The only difference is some of us are going to trip over pebbles, leading us down shorter paths, but in the end, we all die. And when that time comes I want to be able to quickly look back as I take my last few breaths and smile to myself. I did a good job, I tried my best. I wasn’t the life of the party. Not many knew my name, but I remained me, who God made and I am on my way to see him now. God bless and thank you for walking in to my life dear angel

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  5. Pingback: The Gift | terry1954

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