I Give Up

Sometimes a situation comes along in life and when you are working on behalf of another human’s wishes, you end up doing nothing more but screwing it up. Digging a deeper hole, and you can’t get out.

I wrote the blog last night about the donation. This morning before Al got up, I wrote the explanation. In a moment’s notice all my work has been done in vain. Al talked to the Hospice minister yesterday from what Al told me over breakfast this morning.

He discovered that he can use all his body parts for good cause. He is no longer interested in donating the brain. He wants to donate all of himself. I, personally have issues because of the horror stories I have read online.

Some places dispose of the bodies in terrible ways when they are done with them. This just gives me the shivers thinking my brother who I love so much could end up like that. Maybe I would not even get his ashes back.

I feel like I have no choice but to delete the foundation and the explanation post that I made early this morning. I am sorry for any confusion.

This is very hard on me. My brain is on high emotions. I will start a brand new search by asking our funeral home and talking to Al’s neurologist today. I need to keep my feelings contained and just act on Al’s behalf. Thank-youowl

28 thoughts on “I Give Up

  1. I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself, you will never be able to totally fulfil another wishes unless they are really simple, all you can do is look at the options and do your best, you should not be having to pay to allow Al to donate and that possibly says something about the places that are charging rather than you, and as I said to you I too have heard stories regarding disposal and also remains returned years later without warning so of course that is something you need to look into and after you have if it is not possible then guess what its just not possible its not your fault I would love a viking burial but I won’t get one because they are not allowed here, now you look for another alternative maybe in lieu of flowers you ask people to donate to a research programme in Al’s name when he passes or if he wants to do something more personal maybe a charity auction of his Coke stuff (I know you will want to hold on to some) then the money raised donated in his name


  2. Remember–Al’s current body is simply a shell; when he leaves it, he will be going to his heavenly one. You are doing a great job of caring for him while he is still here, but when the Lord calls him home, you needn’t worry about what he has cast off. *hugs*


  3. For now, I think you just have to disengage your mind from anything. Take a shower, have a good meal and sleep for as long as you can, but don’t forget Al when he calls out for assistance. You may even consider going to the massage parlor, or the beauty parlor if I may suggest that. This may look a little weird but my point is you have to relax, rethink and reconsider your options. I must tell you though that it is likewise important to see yourself after Al is rested in heaven. I mean there is no second chance for any regret later on. Remember, your life must go on my friend. And you are the only one responsible for yourself after everything is done. I sincerely would like to see you feeling very happy somehow, someday.


    • I have learned Al can not be a candidate. His body weight and height is not within the guidelines. I will explain to Al that I will keep looking but that his body is too ill. Thanks for your help and suggestions. I just wish I sometimes was Super Woman but then again I can not make everyone’s wishes come true. Big hugs Maxim


    • Maxim, I am scared. Something tells me after reading a web page on signs of death that his time is near. I don’t know why I am scared, but I am. I wish , I don’t know what I wish


  4. Terri
    I hear stress and distress in your writing. it is difficult being a care giver for someone. To paraphrase one of your readers you have to remember this…Al will leave his old earthly body and he will go to heaven and be given a new body and a new name. What is left behind on this earth no longer matters.

    Sometimes a loved one’s decisions are hard for us to grasp, understand and agree. However, we must realize that when they have made these decisions that they have probably done a lot of soul searching, prayer time and thought before voicing those decisions.

    Honestly, I have not read about what happens to a body as it is disposed of once used for research. However, I do know one thing and that my husband is in the medical field. When he was in college he had to take a course call Gross Anatomy and with that class was a lab. The lab consisted of donated bodies to science for students to learn more about the anatomy and to understand better of how the body works and how certain things affected the body. Who knows how Al’s body can help some medical student learn more about the human body and a little more about the awful disease Al has suffered for so long.

    Terri, you are tired. You are weary. You are stressed. But be encouraged that there is a loving Father who is walking beside you and with you. He is also walking with Al at this very moment.

    Right now, I want you to stop what you are doing. Turn your phone off for a while. Let those who need to know that your phone will be off for a few minutes. Read 1 Peter 1:1-9…..surrender ALL that is on your heart and mind to God….write God a letter telling him your thoughts, feelings and questions. Place that letter in a safe place and don’t take it out because by doing this you are giving it ALL to God. Then get a cup of cold water….as you sip on that water….be reminded of the freshness of God’s love and grace…..allow the Holy Spirit renew your heart and soul…also be reminded of the living water that is available to ALL of us….then, go for a walk….reflect on the scripture you read….close your ears to all the noises outside except for the voice of God….allow him to whisper to you in your ear….”and he walks with me and he talks with me and he tells me that I am his own.” Al is God’s child and you are God’s child….know in confidence that one day ALL of God’s children will sit at the banquet table ALL having a new name and new body and what was left on this old earth/world no longer matters.

    Love, thoughts and prayers are being lifted up for you and Al. May you experience the peace that passes ALL understanding through Christ as you go through this journey….

    Blessings and Hugs


    • thank you so much April. Just reading your comment I started to relax. To hear nothing but silence, to focus on God with no interruptions is a wonderful thing. Thank you so much for helping me through this. I really appreciate it


  5. Terry, you’re under such a stress, please relax and take the day as it comes – my mom donated all her organs … for about 35 years ago and I never worried about it, but it never came to it .. in the end.
    There are a contract set up between the originations and the donator – and that has to be followed.
    Terry, and also Al can change his mind a couple of times more … so take the day as it comes. My thoughts are with you.


    • Vivi, are you back from your holiday? Did you have a good time? I did take part of the day off and spent it with just me. It isn’t going to work out for Al on the donating thing. Too many things against him


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