Thinking good thoughts about myself is something I don’t practice often. Hearing nice comments about me still makes me blush.
When I see my reflection in the mirrors, some days I can stand and look amazed at how my face is not full of wrinkles for the age I am. Other days I want to run and hide as I see what age has done to me.
I guess acceptance is something I never learned. Are we taught to accept ourselves? Is it possible that we just own it and go through life knowing we are special and unique creatures.
Since Al has been home from the nursing home I rarely have time to stand in front of my mirror and study myself. When he was temporarily a way I did have the time and became hooked on the two words, “Pity Party”.
Thank goodness I don’t do this anymore. In my eyes there was always a more beautiful creature than me. He was taller, she was thinner. I was never satisfied with who I was. I could stand in front of the mirror and count on both hands all of the flaws I see.
From this I was telling myself I am a failure, and being so closely involved with Al’s illness God has shown me that I am most definitely not a failure.
The qualities that I know I own are not always visible to the naked eye. God has helped me to understand that it takes time to make true friendships. He taught me that we all have problems in our lives.
Isn’t it odd how God uses Al’s illness to give me what I always lacked? Making so many friends here at WP has helped me to realize that I am real. I am not only a mother. I am a person, a child of God. I have a heart and soul.
I sometimes feel like the creature in the photo above. I am Terry. I am unique. I can be odd at times. I can scribble on paper and someone will understand what I wrote.
I love colors. I think that is what attracted me to this particular photo. To me when I first saw it I thought how ugly, but then looking at him for a spell, I saw beneath the surface. I saw the beauty.
I decided to do my own writing exercise. To see on black and white what I actually thought about me. I look back at my words and I can hear my mother’s words coming back at me. ” It isn’t polite to talk about yourself. You are no better than anyone else.”
This is very true Mom. I am no better than her or him, but I am me, and that’s good enough in my book.
Thank- you to everyone who reads and follows my blog here at WP. I had a nudge from God to begin writing. I didn’t know where to start. God wanted me to learn things about myself, and he knew I was lost and lonely. Without you, I would still be several feet back. Hugs to all of you.