She sat behind the chair hiding. Messy blonde curls, thumb in her mouth. Listening to the two of them arguing. Frightened and not understanding she began to weep but no one heard her.
Someone was going to take her away. Sally was afraid. She didn’t want to leave her mommy. But, why were they both saying they were her mommy? She moved a way and hid in the shadows fearing the two women would know she was there.
” She is my child and you can’t have her.”
” You don’t have custody of her anymore. You gave her up. Now get a way from here before I call the police.”
Why was that lady talking to my mommy like that? Why can’t I go have my mommy hold me? I want my mommy.
” I am her new mother now, please remove yourself from my property.”
Sally wept harder. This lady was being bad to my mommy. Too afraid to move she huddled even deeper into the dark. Soon the door slammed and the new mommy was yelling at my daddy.
” What in the world did you ever see in that bitch? You must have been drunk when you slept with her. You produced not one but two kids from a woman like that. Were you out of your freaking mind?”
” Tone your voice down. Do you want the kids to hear you?”
” Not the kids, your kids. I married you, not your kids.”
I saw daddy hanging his head down. I saw him get his hanky out of his pocket and wipe his eyes. Mommy is sitting down at the table. She is drinking her coffee and looking out the window.
My mommy wants me but they don’t want me to be with her. My new mommy doesn’t want me and yet I have to stay here.
Sally came out from her hiding place when the room became quiet. She crept up the stairs and laid down on her bed. Sticking her thumb in her mouth she cried herself to sleep.
This my friends is something that happens so often in lives of children today. Marriages ripped apart. New marriages glued together in hopes of lasting a long time. Children not understanding grown-up things get very confused. Some feel like they are to blame for what ever is wrong. Some kids go into themselves and others escape by what ever means they can find. A child can feel this pain and carry it deep within their hearts for years to come. I know, because I am this kid.
Right now I am starting to get Al’s clothes packed once again as he will be going to the Hospice house. He is no better and I can barely think. They, the doctors and nurses are going to tell Al he is going to be termed as bed bound.
I didn’t have the heart or the guts to take a way what he has left. But the truth is he can no longer stand, or rarely, and his body is tired.
I am torn up inside. Hospice says Al just can’t take anything anymore. They feel the only way to help him is have him bed bound so they can medicate him enough to stop the tremors pretty much. I just don’t know. I just don’t know.
The words do not come easy
As I am choking up
My brother is going to leave
Me and tears shall fill my cup.
The silence of when he is gone
For even a few days
Gives new meaning to what is ahead
I can not even begin to say.
For although I hate M.S.A.
I know God has a plan
This is Al’s ticket to heaven
All we need to do is hold his hand.
The tears fall so easily
They pour as a flowing stream
My heart is cracked in fragments
Because this has shattered my brother’s dream.
He wanted to go to Atlanta
Where coca cola is made
He was invited by the president
But the plan was never laid.
And now I must accept
That one day he won’t be here
But I know that he will be in heaven
And his pain he will never fear.
Who I am 