Right Now

Right now I am starting to get Al’s clothes packed once again as he will be going to the Hospice house. He is no better and I can barely think. They, the doctors and nurses are going to tell Al he is going to be termed as bed bound.

I didn’t have the heart or the guts to take a way what he has left. But the truth is he can no longer stand, or rarely, and his body is tired.

I am torn up inside. Hospice says Al just can’t take anything anymore. They feel the only way to help him is have him bed bound so they can medicate him enough to stop the tremors pretty much. I just don’t know. I just don’t know.

The words do not come easy                                                     M.S.A. logo
As I am choking up
My brother is going to leave
Me and tears shall fill my cup.

The silence of when he is gone
For even a few days
Gives new meaning to what is ahead
I can not even begin to say.

For although I hate M.S.A.
I know God has a plan
This is Al’s ticket to heaven
All we need to do is hold his hand.

The tears fall so easily
They pour as a flowing stream
My heart is cracked in fragments
Because this has shattered my brother’s dream.

He wanted to go to Atlanta
Where coca cola is made
He was invited by the president
But the plan was never laid.

And now I must accept
That one day he won’t be here
But I know that he will be in heaven
And his pain he will never fear.

Written by,
Terry Shepherd
Al’s sister

39 thoughts on “Right Now

  1. There are no words Terry, only love and prayers and a million cyber hugs. One has to trust that the hospice people know what they’re doing and that they consider Al’s comfort the highest priority. I grieve with and for you and believe with all my heart, that a soul as wonderful as Al’s deserves to be at peace and his body free of this prison wherein this disease has incarcerated him. A better place, with your mom – relieved and free and happy. xo, m


  2. You know in your head they are right that does not make it any easier on the heart, all you can do know is be there and let him know that as much as you love him and will miss him that when he is ready to take your mums hand he does so with your blessing xxx


  3. You know it’s the right thing to do. To help him. Although you know, it doesn’t stop it from hurting. I know it rips you apart inside. If there was anything I could say or do to help, I would. We are here for you Terry.


  4. He will be relieved from pain and drugs, he will still be loved, and won’t suffer anymore. That is one thing I think Al is looking forward to. And yet losing someone you love slowly is so painful for you! I am crying with you Terry! Together it might be easier! Hold me tight and let go, cry and be comforted!


  5. Sweetheart remember to calm your fears in Christ who has every minute of our life accounted of… Al will not experience anything that will not serve him to becoming sanctified and ready to be received into his mansion ~ my heart is with you ~ Peace dear friend ~All is well according to Father’s perfect plan. xo


  6. doctors Are Doing What They Are Trained To Do. If you Want To Keep Him Home And Can Afford To Have A Nurse Come To Check On Him Everyday, Then Do That. Let Him Go From His home Instead Of A Strange Place. If You Want To Work That Hard. if Not, Let Him Go where He Will Be Cared For 24-7. No Right oRWrong. It Will Be The Same process. medicate To Comfort. kidneys Will Stop working. Body shuts Down. You Can be At Hospice Just Like You Can BE At Home. All My Love And Strength With You Both. My Mom Took Care Of.My Aunt AT Home, My Sister With Her Mom-In,Law At Hospice. No wrong Here. Only Love.


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