Daily Prompt; Can’t Get Enough

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/09/daily-prompt-addicting/, DP, Daily Prompt

Have you ever been addicted to anything, or worried that you were? Have you ever spent too much time and effort on something that was a distraction from your real goals? Tell us about it.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us ADDICTING.

I was just thinking about this early today. I am addicted to others. I have short hair, not because I think I look fantastic, but because it is very easy to take care of.

What I really want is my hair down below my shoulders again so I can put it up in a messy way like I used to, or let it fall in waves, or any way I really want to wear it.Me This is the way I used to look.

What I find is I have lost me. I have given into my addiction of being needed, feeling self-worth, being accepted.

It is too important to me, and it has taken the almost seven years of caring for family members to see that I am not me.

I am to a point. I do love being a caregiver. When I look inside my house, I can see me in a lot of places. But the part of me who was once alive has been swiped and hidden away. This is what this addiction to being wanted has done to me.

I made up my mind last night that I will without guilt start looking farther down the road. The path I want to return to is filled with silly laughter, feeling young, and spontaneous.

To start this I am starting to let my hair grow back out. I have been thinking about what type of work do I want to do once this chapter is closed. Do I still want to be a caregiver? I think yes but not 24/7.

I want to be able to walk a way from the job at the end of the shift. Change from a professional to a silly person. There are some facts I have to face. Such as I can not move like I used to due to my diabetic feet problems. My back can’t take what it used to. I am not as strong as I used to be. I am beginning to need my naps more often. But I see me being able to squeeze the old me in there.

I want to, no I need to return to me. My sanity has to be kept in line. My thoughts have to deter a way from death, and I need to concentrate on me, which is something I haven’t done for years.

So off with the short hair is a good place to start. Maybe I should get a butt lift, or implants, or a tummy tuck. No, I think not. I have already been made and what needs to be fixed is internal.flying_angel_wallpaper_cd368         http://youtu.be/uAPUxvjbdcU

 

 

 

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29 thoughts on “Daily Prompt; Can’t Get Enough”

  2. I still feel myself in there, but I think I’m so far back, I want be able to squeeze back through. I also am a diabetic and have a host of problems from it; kidney problems, feet problems, and more. I don’t want to bore you with my whole list of ailments. Let’s just say that most of them are chronic and I don’t see the old me coming back. She’s too far gone.

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  6. You know Terry I have short hair and had longer hair in my life before, bu tI am in love wiht my short one. First it is so easy and quick to wash and dry and I get compliments…. so I leave it.. hehe 🙂

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    • I never got to have long hair. I did when I was like five, I could sit on it. When my dad married our new mom she whacked it all off. I always had to have short hair. I guess rebellion is why I always had it longer until Al became more difficult to take care of then I whacked it off. I know I will go back to longer hair. I like sweeping it up!

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  7. Go for it Terry! You have just discovered the secret of giving care to others, you have to take care of yourself first! When I started out as a hospital chaplain my mentor told me, it is most important to remember that life is much more than people dying and the pain of dying is to leave life. He told me I had to have a life filled with joy and laughter outside the hospital, and also to bring it to my patients. I won’t tell you the whole of this story now, just remind you to live! There is a profound secret in the calling to love your neighbor as you live yourself. Love, Solveig

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    • hospital chaplin just jumped out at me. Oh I wish I had a degree so I could do that when Al is no longer here. I would love it and feel I have much to offer people who’s hearts are breaking. thank you for a wonderful comment. You are pretty special to me as a dear friend

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      • Terry, just stay true to yourself and what God teaches you through caring for his beloved children, who in this case is both Terry and Al. God will never let his lessons go wasted, you will be where you are to be when this is over too. Love, Solveig

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  8. So glad that you are looking to a future…and a bright one at that! I will pray that God will place where you can use your gifts but not to the point you become so overwhelmed. Just be attentive…God will point you in the direction you need to be when you are at that point…in the meantime be in tuned to His voice and His blessings.

    Peace
    April

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  12. Dear Terry,
    Cute photo! I think you should wear your hair as you please, and find as much laughter and pleasure in life as possible–you deserve it!
    Thanks so much for the Leibster Award!
    Warmly,
    Naomi

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    • I think you are absolutely right Naomi. The more the air is foggy inside our home the more I need to laugh. I have to stay above the water, not sink! thanks my dear friend

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