I Will Always Love You

Al woke up teary eyed right a way this morning. I am sure it is the discussion we had last night. He doesn’t understand that no matter which way I move his bed around he still wants to lay in the direction of the wall.

The room is not accessible to move his TV in any area I wish. If it didn’t cost $75.00 I would have the pros come out and put extra wire in, but, I can’t. I had a talk with Al about when the time comes and he is spending more time in bed. I explained that he will have to adjust to how the bed is placed and try really hard to sleep facing the TV so he can watch it whether awake or not.

He is really noticeable with his heavy breathing. I was shaving him this morning and I could hear the breathing. I hate noticing these changes so easily. The nurse came later and said his fingers were dusky. There was that term again. I didn’t ask but I do want to know what it means.

It is amazing how the mind works. Although I am ready to accept Al leaving this earth, I am not counting down the days. I think Al is though. Just like the new baby I told you about last night. He already said he won’t be here for Christmas.

Do you know how much I want to get the Christmas Tree out this weekend and put it up glorified with all decorations? Why? Because I don’t want him to miss this year with me. What if he is right and he isn’t here. I guess it is super silly to put a tree up in October. Maybe I will wait til the end of the month.

Someone else in this house isn’t happy either. Rhino, our cat. He hasn’t left Al’s room much these past few days. When I go into change Al or do anything Rhino throws a fit. He howls a little and meows loud as if telling me to get out, don’t come in here, I am the caregiver now.

Last night when I put Al to bed, Rhino refused to move off the bed. Usually he meows at me and I tell him to move. He meow argues with me but finally gives in. Last night he wouldn’t budge. When I got Al in bed I had to actually scoot Rhino over and the two of them went to sleep head to head. The next time I saw Rhino it was morning.

Today Al didn’t go to Day Program so Rhino was in there and still is. When Al took his afternoon nap I once again had to try to move Rhino off the bed, but it was a no go. I decided to take a photo of Al and Rhino. I have been replaced by a new caregiver. I think Al and Rhino know much more than they are letting on. I think they know exactly what is happening.