Daily Archives: October 21, 2013

My Inner Fear

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darknessDarkness rising

Fear incising

Legs quiver

Fingers shiver

Heart is racing

Feet are pacing

I stand below

I want to show

That I do not fear

As I walk near

The majestic doom

The darkened rooms

The eyes that see

Deep within me

I swallow hard

My body on guard

I take one step

And catch my breath

Then another one

And soon become

Ready to hit

Scared like shit

But I must face

This awful place

Where fear doth live

So life can give

Me inner peace

And fears will cease.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10/21/2013

Why

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WHY?

Why do we have to feel pain
Why do we have to hurt
Why do we have to grow up
Why do we?

Why do we believe
That fairy tales come true
Why do we get so sad
Why do we?

Why did we want it so fast
Why did we want to grow up
Why do we want everything now
Why do we?

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

http://youtu.be/MRlzn-Dz6yc

 

 

 

floating girl

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Weekly Writing Challenge; The Difference

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/21/point-of-view-challenge/ DP Challenge

In today’s challenge, you’ll tell the same story from two or more unique perspectives. You can choose from the prompts below, or create your own prompt.

My Story Challenge

It was about 10:30 at night. Russell, my husband was in bed, but I just couldn’t sleep. I was restless and wasn’t sure why. I had sure worked hard enough at the plant today. It just always seems the better I do, the more parts they want put out. There is no rest for the wicked, I guess.

Russell and I had been married for about 20 years. He rescued me when I made a big mistake years ago. I don’t know if Russell really loved me or if he  just plain felt sorry for me. Back in my day it was improper to do what I had done. I could have paid a higher price than I did. He was a good man. He takes good care of me.

There isn’t a lot of romance but just enough to keep the nerves calm. He works at the same factory I do. In fact he is the one who got me in. He introduced me to his boss and I got work real easy.

I finished drinking my cup of warm milk but still wasn’t tired. I looked towards the window. It was dark as dark could be. This was a quiet neighborhood. We lived on a dead-end street. Not much traffic round here.

I wandered over to the window and pulled the desk chair close. I opened the window a bit to get some fresh air. It is a good thing for sleep, getting fresh air. As I thought, no one stirring.

I sat there for a while just letting the chill go in my nostrils. Instead of making me tired it sort of refreshed me and I was more a wake now than ever. I propped my arm up and rested  my chin on it just staring out over the tops of the trees, gazing at the stars.

I heard a noise and as I looked over in the direction of where it was coming from I spotted two people. They were standing under the only street lamp. He had his arms around her waist and she had her arms around his shoulders.

I squinted so I could get a better look at the two. They looked like maybe they were young high-school kids. I instantly went back in time to the moment I was standing just like they are.

Oh those were the days. The golden days of love and romance. Stars in my eyes. I never did hear anything but the words he whispered in my ear. I wonder where he is today. It has been over twenty years since the last time I saw him.

I watched the two and they were kissing. I know I should turn a way, put my chair back and leave the window, but my own memories were playing on the phonograph and I was sort of scared for these two.

I can still hear his words. Oh baby, I just love you so much. You know how much I want you and besides this just isn’t fair; you turning me down. We both know I have to leave for the military next week. How can I go knowing I never got to prove my love to you.

I watched as they dropped their hands and moved over to the grass. I could still see them but not as good. He took off his jacket and laid it on the grass.

I didn’t want to do what I did, but I loved him so much. How could I turn him down?

Oh young lady, you better be real careful. Don’t fall for any of his cute words. He is just trying to have his way with you. He is thinking of his own needs and nothing about you. I couldn’t see exactly what they were doing but by the stirring I knew they were about to do the same things I did.

He talked me into laying down on the grass where he was already sitting. He took my face and turned it towards him and he kissed me real quick. I can remember looking into his eyes. I must have set off some sort of stupid signal because the next thing I knew he had sort of pushed me down to the ground and he was kissing me real hard on the mouth. He parted my lips apart with his tongue and he was feeling everywhere inside.

Oh girlie, I hope you aren’t letting him do that to you. Neither of you look old enough to be getting married. From here you both look like you’re still wet behind the ears. Be careful honey. Don’t listen to anything he says. Get up, walk a way, I promise you won’t regret it. Sure it will hurt for a few days, but you could be ruining the rest of your life.

Oh baby, I love you so much. I can remember as he was sweet talking me his fingers were fumbling with buttons. His hands were finding places I had never even explored myself.

Mr., Mr. please don’t do this. Don’t ruin her for the rest of her life. Have some decency. Get up and go home and take a cold shower. Tears started to stream from my eyes. I didn’t even know I was beginning to cry until my hand started to feel wet. Oh how I wish I would have made different choices. I was too young.

He placed his hand in a very private area. Against my words my body rose to the attention it was getting. In no time at all he was standing up, zipping up his pants. He lit a cigarette and looked down at me. I felt warm all over and when I touched myself and looked at my hand I saw blood. All he could do was laugh and say, oh that’s the way all virgins look the first time, but don’t worry, you won’t ever see that again. I was so ashamed. I had done something that I knew inside was wrong.

I stared through the window barely breathing. Soon I saw that man standing up. He was looking down at her like mind did with me. He helped her up and the two walked off.

When he got done with me he didn’t help me up. He just smoked while I tried to paste myself back together. Once I was standing up he gave me a quick peck on the cheek and we walked towards our homes. At the corner he waved goodbye and we parted.

As I watched the two walk hand in hand I wept. I blew my nose on the hankie tucked inside my sleeve. I was weeping for that girl and the girl I once was. I prayed a silent prayer that her life had not just been ruined.

You know, I never saw him again after that night. I did write him a letter months later when I had our baby boy, but he never answered back. I was alone. I had made a big mistake. I had believed in a dream full of words. It changed everything. My parents did the best they knew for me. I kept my baby and learned to be a mommy. Life was rough until I met Russell. Now, years later, my son is a grown man, married and has a family of his own. I got a good man who I am  pretty sure loves me. I was one of the lucky ones.eye crying

Daily Prompt: ______ is the new ______

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/, DP, Daily Prompt

Click over to your favorite blog, and pick out the 4th and 14th words (that aren’t “the” or “an”). Drop them into this phrase:

 

“_____ is the new _____.”

 

There’s your post title. Now write!

 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us BLANK.

I am not going to say which blog I went to. I do not have one favorite, I have many, so I just went eenie meenie mino mo.

The words are; struggled and colors.

Struggled is the new color.

Now this is some sentence to work with. Come on brain, get ticking. I sit here with squinted eyes, staring at the screen, scratching my head thinking.

Oh, well that didn’t take long. I am writing this prompt from my own view on my life.

Struggling with losing weight, not wanting to eat sweets, not wanting to exercise, not wanting to pull a way from my life on the computer, and smoking.

These are my worst struggles and if I should look at a nice new box of crayons I would say the color is somewhere between gray and black.crayons sweetscigaretteaddictedtointernetexercising-cartoon

These are my nasty habits of life. Oh I am sure I have many more, but these are top-choice, prime beef and high rated.

What to do. The media causes me guilt. All of these topics are super sensitive to me because everyone around me is saying, You naughty girl. Shame, shame, shame.

This next statement makes me choke. I am going to go back and read what I wrote and I am going to see the next sentence staring in my face like a gun getting ready to go off.

I don’t want to change anything right now.

There I wrote it, yes, I read it back and it made me want to run for the hills, because guilt is now seeping into all my open crevices. Attacking my conscience and I was  having such a wonderful morning today.

I don’t want to work on these goals when Al is not here. I want to enjoy the computer and write until my fingers turn black. I want to skip the basic food groups and just grab a quickie. I don’t want to waste one moment of time I  have for alone time.

I do get some exercise, I can’t say I am 100% bad. I do laundry. I scrub toilets and tubs. I push Al in his wheelchair daily. I cook and sweep floors. I use my arms and hands to steady Al’s weight whenever he transfers. I sweep dead leaves from the ramp daily so we don’t slip and I fall and while I am down I am watching Al go racing down the ramp. Oh wow, that sentence gives me the shivers. Watch out! Incoming run-a-way wheelchair.

As for my weight, I lost one hundred pounds a few years back, and I just teeter on the totter on the scales. One week I gain a pound the next week I lose it. I will eat sweets, but I do it differently today than I used to.

Now I take one bite, two at the most and stick it in the trash can. I tasted it, I thrilled from it. I screamed with delight. Before, I would have eaten the entire sweet. I also rarely use an adult dinner plate when I eat. I use the medium size. My plate looks full but my mind is fooled. This is a hard one to pull off because rarely does my mind get tricked.

The smoking issue, well that is a dead ringer for it ain’t gonna happen right now. I have tried before because deep inside I really do want to quit. But each time I tried to stop, when I went back, I smoked more. If I continue to keep trying when I don’t want to quit right now, I will be smoking a carton a day.

So I am putting that off. Stress and sadness and  the fact my brother is so ill, is a reason for me to continue smoking for now. So that is case closed, door slammed, and no arguments from me for now.

Saturday my internet shut down. There was a message I had never seen before. It was yadda, yadda, yadda, but all I could see was I didn’t have my computer. With suggestions from my daughter, I turned it off safely.

I waited a while and tried turning it on again only to hear this ticking sound. Louder than any clock. I turned it off again and waited longer. My daughter then got on here and turned it back on and it was like she is in the wrong business. She had it up and running.

The fact is when you think of something long enough, it does happen. I have been pondering on my computer. It is five years old. I did have it rebuilt and updated this past January, but nothing last forever, right? So there, I cursed myself. I thought about it too long and then it messed up on me. I don’t know how in the world I will ever go without my computer.

It is my life, my silly string to the outside world. It allows me to chat with so many, continue to heal through my writing. And the friends I have made, is just so Wow, Wow, I couldn’t give any of this up. I would just need a tower but that is probably the most expensive piece and as far as prices I want a tough one, not a generic one, so I better start saving my pennies.

Well now, I am done stomping on myself. When I go back over my words I don’t see anything so gross that I am going to lay down in my pretty pillow-top coffin. I think I will change those colors of gray and black and change them to a drab blue color.blue rose

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