I’m So Dizzy From M.S.A.

I just got through with Al and his supper. He could not feed himself. So I fed him. He ate about 50%. I am wracking my brain trying to think of something different to talk to you about. I have been so busy taking care of Al, it seems my blogging has suffered.

I have a little bit of free time right now and I so want to chat with you all. Find out what you did today. What are your plans for the weekend? I feel so full of guilt that I am having a hard time tearing my thinking a way from Al laying in that bed.

All of you are so right. I can’t guess tomorrow, not even this minute. I can’t sit and stare at him. I can’t get overly concerned even though I can hear and see him struggling to breathe while doing such an easy thing as eating.

I want to splash the ice, cold water in my face, wake up from this terrible dream. I will give you an example of just what I had to listen to since he has been home for about three hours.

When he woke up I went in to see if he was going to eat. He told me to get the cat down. I said the cat is laying right beside you. He is alright. Al says, ” He is hanging upside down. He is going to get hurt, get him down.”

Part of me wanted to start crying but the other part mimicked getting the cat down from the ceiling. Last night he was confused also. I can’t remember what it was about now.

Then I had to sit and listen to him struggle to breathe during eating. I can’t figure out why he is struggling just chewing food.

So, there are changes happening and yet I need to remain the same, I can’t do it. My mind is frozen like water is still beneath a frozen pond.frozen pond

I am strong

Yet I am weak

I stand here for you

Yet I think of me

Crazy, swirling thoughts

Running throughout my mind

Quit spinning me now

I am ready to get off.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd



Being Waited On Hand & Foot

Christmas tree 2013I have been gone most of the day. Al went to Day Program and I had to go to the doctor because last week I was outside helping with leaves and it gave me the start of an infection.

I had a little trouble getting my prescription although I get this infection every fall and spring as long as I live in Indiana. The doctor didn’t want to fork over the script because I wasn’t bad enough yet.

I explained about Al and how I could not afford to be down one day and didn’t want to wait until it got bad. Finally he gave in. I had to go to the Pharmacy and pay my monthly bill and fill the new script. I then had to stop at the camera shop as I needed a piece I didn’t have. I then definitely had to go to the grocery store as I can’t get out on weekends when Al is home.

So by the time I got home and put all the groceries a way I had a half an hour before Al was to arrive. This day went fast but yet I had that time frame for thirty minutes to do as I wished.

I was so shocked and very pleased that two ladies from M.S.A. web site, who I am honored to call my friends. Connie and Bonnie had both left me messages on Facebook and Connie even called me. They were worried about me as I hadn’t posted all day.

I didn’t mean to worry them but to be very honest except for my daughter and my best friend no one questions my where-a-bouts or calls to see if I am alright; so I was pleased as punch.

After I spoke to Connie I played around with my camera. I took a photo of our tree and then doctored it on a photo program. So here it is, my play-time project.

When Al got off the bus he didn’t want supper. I am starting to get used to those words. He wanted to nap. I imagine he was tired. He didn’t seem like he had a good time at his party but I am thinking he was just too tired to talk about it.

I changed him and put him in bed. When he gets up I will offer him supper in bed, served like a King. I will not work so hard to transfer him from bed to recliner and back any longer. I hurt my neck and back muscles because he is just too weak to help.

I think he will be alright with it. He was in bed all day yesterday after breakfast. I got him up and fed him and washed him up and then put him back in his bed. I just made sure I turned him every two hours and sat him up off and on. He got waited on hand and foot. You know, I could handle that myself for a day, being waited on hand and foot.