I just got through with Al and his supper. He could not feed himself. So I fed him. He ate about 50%. I am wracking my brain trying to think of something different to talk to you about. I have been so busy taking care of Al, it seems my blogging has suffered.
I have a little bit of free time right now and I so want to chat with you all. Find out what you did today. What are your plans for the weekend? I feel so full of guilt that I am having a hard time tearing my thinking a way from Al laying in that bed.
All of you are so right. I can’t guess tomorrow, not even this minute. I can’t sit and stare at him. I can’t get overly concerned even though I can hear and see him struggling to breathe while doing such an easy thing as eating.
I want to splash the ice, cold water in my face, wake up from this terrible dream. I will give you an example of just what I had to listen to since he has been home for about three hours.
When he woke up I went in to see if he was going to eat. He told me to get the cat down. I said the cat is laying right beside you. He is alright. Al says, ” He is hanging upside down. He is going to get hurt, get him down.”
Part of me wanted to start crying but the other part mimicked getting the cat down from the ceiling. Last night he was confused also. I can’t remember what it was about now.
Then I had to sit and listen to him struggle to breathe during eating. I can’t figure out why he is struggling just chewing food.
I am strong
Yet I am weak
I stand here for you
Yet I think of me
Crazy, swirling thoughts
Running throughout my mind
Quit spinning me now
I am ready to get off.