Not A Good Day So Far

For the first time I want to sit down and give up. I think I am just tired from a caregiver’s view. I am not depressed. I feel defeated. Al had terrible nightmares all night long. He woke up screaming I don’t know how many times.

He begged for medicine. I gave it to him. I held his hand until he went back to sleep. About a half hour later he was dreaming again. The process just would not stop. This morning he didn’t want to get up, but he had to at least get washed and brief changed.

The bed was soaked from sweat. He couldn’t sit up good enough. So I either had my hands in water or I was pushing back up. I finally got it all done and changed his bed. He refused any breakfast.

I even gave him his favorite Caramel Apple doughnut and he pushed it aside. He is sleeping now. I am praying that when he wakes up he will feel more rested and maybe want to eat.

I am trying to keep smiling friends, but today I can’t even get my mouth to form in that direction. I called Hospice about him taking his medications when he is not eating. A nurse is on her way.

soul 2

59 thoughts on “Not A Good Day So Far

    • Yes, Sheila, I want Al to have piece also. The quality of life is little. He deserves to rest. Big hugs my friend and to the owners of the house, you know, the four legged ones!!!


      • I know you are Terry and it doesn’t make sense. It is hard to see much less find God in the midst of what you are dealing with, but he is there. My prayer is that God will help you understand and for you to see the other side of this. You know, Al belongs to Jesus just as we do. He is in the best hands.


  1. Your energy can last only so long before you need to recharge it. When your tired everything is seems harder and hopeless. You will look back on this time and be amazed at how much you did for your brother. You will be proud of yourself and glad you hung in there. I wish you had someone to give you help because even
    the shortest break can make a difference.You are amazing because this seems like an endless, thankless job. Your brother knows how much you are doing for him even if at times he does’t seem to notice , he does. I’m praying that God blesses you with strength, joy, and the ability to get though this time with good health yourself. The caregiver needs care too. Carol


      • I care because I lived it for many years and understand what an emotional and physical toll it takes. We are kindred spirits and are joined forever through this journey of caring for someone with this horrific illness. Your friend, Carol


  2. There is a ring of prayers around you Terry. I am glad you called hospice, just so that you have some practical support also, as we your friends are not able to come to your side just now. Is it possible to have hospice workers come and do more of the heavy stuff you are doing? No wonder you are tired, what you do takes several workers if they were paid for it, and that is just the washing and feeding. Add to that your emotional strain and you are running the most strenuous marathon there is. Even if I said marathon, do not think you are quitting if you are not able to have Al at home all the way. Every day is a victory, every day is a priceless service of love. Take care, love Solveig


    • your comment brought me so much comfort. It seems you notice and realize that being a care giver is not about eating bon bons and watching TV. LOL. It is hard work and even harder on the heart when it is family. Sending love and hugs to you


  3. Pingback: You Must Be Curious | terry1954

  4. being a caregiver is not just difficult physically of course and you have done your best. maybe you both know this is coming to the end of the trail. that great unknown can be frightening and yet we all face it. i wish you had some help, maybe he should be in hospice and you could spend time with him there? i worry how much longer you can go on this way. i send my love, warm hugs and support your way


    • he can only be in Hospice five days out of the month and so far we have had this. It helps but this last time he came home worse. I think while he was there he drifted into the next stage of M.S.A. I wish I could get more help also. Hugs and love to you


  5. Terry . . . you are an amazing lady, loving sister and one of incredible support to your beloved brother Al. I wish there were something I could do for you to help ease the pain you and Al together are suffering. Since we’re far apart, I obviously cannot do that, but, know that you and Al are in my daily thoughts and prayers. Please try to utilize any assistance you have so that you can get some much needed rest, if only for brief periods at a time. I wish you and Al comfort, strength and courage, Terry . . . and please keep on writing in your daily blog. It not only helps you but all the folks out here in cyberland to have a bit of understanding of what you do on a day to day basis and provides an outlet for us to send you support. In that regard, Terry, I send you hugs and love as you continue your MSA journey with your beloved brother, Al.


    • Terrry . . . I didn’t mean to leave this post above as “anonymous” , , , my name is Lynne . . . and I’m still sending love and hugs.


      • Hi Lynne! your words bring me comfort. I can see through the words that you care, and this support means the world to me. God bless and hugs to you!


  6. I can’t “like” this one, Terry. I don’t like it that you are discouraged. I don’t like it that Al is in such misery. I don’t like MSA. I don’t like it that you have no one to relieve you. Praying for you always.


    • I love your words because I could not agree with you anymore. I hate everything about it too, even the name of it. Thank you for the prayers, I need them and so does Al. big hugs


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