Last night was something else for me. In fact yesterday I sort of fretted most of the day because I had pains in my chest. My fingers were tingling all day long.
After so many hours went by I was convinced I was not having a heart attack. By afternoon early evening I finally figured it out. It is the muscles I use to get Al out of bed or transfers. After all if it would have been a heart attack I surely would not be able to write right now.
My fingers I believe are from tugging and trying to push Al over so he doesn’t get bed sores from laying in the same position too long. I use a half-sheet and grab the ends and with all my might try to get him on to his opposite side.
From worrying a little bit too much I was exhausted by the time he came home from Day Program. I actually was leery of him coming home in case I was wrong. You see I love God but I don’t seem to be able to trust him quite enough to make sure I will be alright.
I have this huge fear that while he is here, I will have a heart attack and fall to the floor or worse and he will be here all alone with no help. It is so stupid, and crazy too. God won’t let this happen. He won’t let Al suffer like that, but no, I have to do things my own way.
Am I ever going to learn? Hopefully. So when he came home I ordered pizza. I had heard about the little Greek restaurant here in town who delivered. The two remarks I heard were positive.
Sometimes I get so sick of the infamous Pizza Hut or Dominoes. Well I called them and they said they made everything at the store including the crust and sauce. I thought, hmm, fresh. I like fresh, so I gave it a try. When it came I was tired but I was having no problem eating the slice because it was awesome pizza. Al even liked it.
So after supper and Al was changed I crashed on the couch for a while Al laid all comfy in his bed watching black and white old movies. He and I had made it. I survived and wasn’t on the floor. We were both resting and our tummies were full.