Wrinkles and Baggy Eyes

big+fireYesterday, slowly the day progressed from good to bad. By the time it came to rest, Al‘s tremors and internal furnace got worse. I sat in his room from 3:30 to 6am, covered in two blankets. A ceiling fan and box floor fan both on high and Al is yelling out ” I’m on fire! I’m on fire.”

The amount of medications I was giving him would let him just start to sleep and then we was wide awake again. From what I have learned there is no fix for his internal furnace and tremors.

I probably looked silly sitting there in my house coat, slippers and two blankets. The register is closed in Al’s room in order to keep it cool also.

This morning the Hospice nurse said it was his heart last night, throwing a fit from the tremors, causing something like women’s hot flashes.

He is a bit better today but not much. I am so darn tired. I just look outside as the world passes me by and tell the leaves I am so sorry to be ignoring them. Hopefully I can get my son to come down and at least mow them if nothing else.

Tomorrow I get out for four hours. A trip to the pharmacy for Al and to the grocery store. I sure hope this new gal relaxes and I can eventually get out of here or there will be no Thanksgiving Dinner or any Christmas gifts.

I learned last night my daughter won’t be here for Thanksgiving and maybe not for Christmas. Of course I am so disappointed, one because I love and miss her so much and two, she is the biggest help. She just picks up and kicks in and none of the other family members do this.

I think I will be glad when the holidays pass in some ways.

34 thoughts on “Wrinkles and Baggy Eyes

  1. Oh Terry, so sorry to hear this. I don’t think you are alone about the holidays passing. We talked about this at our men’s group the other night. There is so much stress in the holidays and then sadness in some ways for so many, too. It can be such a difficult time and I can understand that. It took a little boy a couple of years ago to revive my Christmas spirit. Not sure if you ever saw the post but here it is: http://brianwilliamsen.wordpress.com/2010/11/20/decorating-for-dax/ Anyway not saying it will ‘make it all better’ or anything, just thought I would share it.

    Lifting up you and Al in prayer. Praying that God will give you strength to keep on, keeping on and that He will heal Al’s pain.



  2. Terry dear, its heartbreaking to read your suffering and Al.. to partially understand these pains, and know that we can do so little ! What can I do, seriously dear, do you have a secret want, a specific desire we can pray for together ? What’s Al full name, plz?
    I love you both & am in daily prayer for you both.
    1 Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;
    2 Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

    4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.


  3. Maybe they aren’t sure how to help. You could say you are so busy as each arrives and ask them to do a specific thing while there. Even small children can help set the table. You might find they appreciate knowing what to do to help you. Not every person is born with the”carer” gene. Some of us have to be told. God bless you both! Hope you enjoy your holidays.


  4. So sorry your daughter is not going to be able to be there for the holidays. It is not the same, but maybe you guys can skype or something like that on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Praying God will continue to meet your needs.


    • Yes it definitely does. today was that day. I just feel overwhelmed. I went on a cleaning spree getting rid of things. This house always looked so crowded with moving everything into corners for Al’s needs. I am actually hoping the holidays slide by me


  5. Terry, when my sister in law first got real in home help for my brother, my sister in law told my brother that he needed to tell her what to do, such as household stuff :)) Well, needless to say my brother wasn’t comfortable with that, you would have to know him to know he just has a heart that isn’t going to do that. After a few days, my sister in law and his caregiver helper finally started to gel, and she was able to tell the gal, who was very experienced and had been doing this for quite a few years what she needed done around the house once my brother’s needs were taken care of, and it did help a lot. I agree with you that you need now someone to be there at night with you to help. You are at that point, its impossible to handle this 24/7 without night help. Speaking from experience… I am truly sorry to know that your daughter will not be there either Thanksgiving or Christmas, I don’t know what to say about that, I wish she would reconsider and be there no matter what is happening….Terry, know that you are not alone…


    • I have thought about making a note list for her but didn’t want me to think I was bossy, but to see her reading a book when there is so many things she could be doing to help out, sort of makes me sad. I wish my daughter was going to be here too. I will miss her terribly. Maybe we can have Christmas with her on a different day. You are a wonderful friend, and I so love your friendship


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