Robe or Clothes

Hi my friends. I sit here not feeling the best. I am cold and a little dizzy. My blood pressure seems to be alright and my sugars are normal and yet I feel like crap. I imagine part of it is the weather and my nose and sinuses do not care for the heat on in the house.

The other part is probably just me being drained, tired and exhausted. I ran yesterday, Thanksgiving on four hours of sleep. I crashed at 9pm and slept until 8am this morning. I felt fine when I got up and then about an hour later started feeling like crap again.

I called the Hospice house last night to check on Al. The nurse said he had not had a good day, but at this time in the evening he was starting to calm down. I learned they had changed his one pain medication to another.

I had thrown such a terrible fit about them trying to drug him up so bad they discontinued that drug and changed it to another. But the issue is bigger than that. You have a patient who is in pain 24/7. His body is constantly contracting and shrinking.

Muscles are hurting from non-use and then you have these terrible medications that can actually make a body worse. Hyper or slowed to the point of barely moving.

For me I find myself having to make decisions for another soul. Although his life is truly in God’s hands I play a big part in it too. The quality of life is the teeter totter. Balancing between comfort and someone you begin to not recognize in order to get that comfort.

This to me is stress at it’s best, which like I said before, is probably playing a big role in why I don’t feel good. Just because Al isn’t here, doesn’t mean my own body is in a stage of miracle healing. The side effects of being a caregiver can take time to heal to a point of what it was before.

I called Hospice again this morning to check on Al. They stated they can not get him up to go to the bathroom because he is too weak. This is what I am talking about with the medications.

Is it the MSA progressing to the point that he can’t stand or is it the side effects of the new drug. I hate it when they express they are giving him a new drug, which in truth is just another name for the same drug.

Same family of medications, but more severe side effects. I researched it to death this morning and it is dangerous. So where does the teeter become less tottering? I don’t know.

The helper is coming over today for a while, while  Al isn’t here. We are going to try to arrange his  room so a wheelchair and things he needs in there are easily obtained. I hope we can figure everything out.

Al throws such a fit and I also realize how much his vintage cars and coca cola mean to him. I also realize that while he is in bed more and more he enjoys looking at his treasures. But then you have the issue of needing more space as he is taken care of more in his bed.

The wheelchair needs to be able to have enough space for when he needs it and the caregivers need space also, so we shall see what we can come up with for the benefit of Al and me.

With Thanksgiving being over I have decided to be lazy today. I didn’t go to any stampede black Friday sales last night or this morning. I am still in my robe. I am expecting a delivery for supplies for Al. I really don’t give a hoot if I answer the door to him dressed this way or not. Who cares? If he wants to take mental note that a caregiver answered the door in a robe, so be it. Let him try being a caregiver.

The sun is shining and I am trying to get my mood and smiles to shine also. It is  hard though, I am just plain tired. Al will probably be home Monday, so I will tend to relax, clean his room, and maybe squeeze some time in Christmas shopping, who knows,,,,maybe I will just stay in my robe until Monday.