I Was Told I am JUST a Sister

I hope I don’t take more than one page to get out all I need and have to get out. This morning I awoke to a nice calm morning. But things change as you know. We never quite know what each day holds out to us. I guess that is where we really need to count our blessing other than those big moments.

I was drinking my coffee and talking to some MSA friends on here when the phone rang. It was the Hospice Hospital. The doctor was on the other end of the line. She said that she was going to keep Al another 24 hours as they had made a few medication adjustments and wanted to make sure he would be alright.

This is cool. I would hate for him to come home a mess. So he is coming home tomorrow. The next few sentences out of her mouth began rubbing me the wrong way. Soon I was frustrated then I went from that to plain old angry.

She told me Al was doing real good. She explained how their nurse aide had said he walked four steps and had no issues. This is when I started to become frustrated. Al doesn’t take four steps here at home. In fact he does need to take three steps to get from his wheelchair to the shower chair but he gets very upset because it hurts his legs and feet so bad.

Al looks like he is walking on his heels because of his feet contracting from this disease. I see his heels and they are so red. I do try to get him to continue with this as long as possible because he gets so much cleaner when he gets a shower over a bed bath.

She told me that he became upset and angry over a football game last night so she gave him one of his new medications and that didn’t work; so she doubled the dose and then he became quiet.

Alright, I am just listening and not speaking as she goes on to tell me how amazing it is that he is so good. She then changes the topic to stating she had called Al’s regular Hospice nurse and that nurse tells her that Al really isn’t declining much. She says he is  pretty much the same as when he started Hospice.

I think my eyes probably got big as my daughter always tells me when I start to get upset. She goes from there to telling me that I need to start remembering that she is the doctor and all I am is the sister.

She stated in no uncertain terms that I directly disobeyed her orders to double up Al’s pain medication and then I quit being quiet. I told her that I had went up to almost double the first time she wanted it upped on Thanksgiving Eve. But after I saw how he changed and he started hitting himself and screaming and cussing I was not doubling the dose within an hour as she wanted.

I explained that I did not want to see what damage he could do to himself over this. I asked her to try some other medicine but she was persistent even after Al was beating himself up.

So on the phone she was scolding me reminding me that I am nothing compared to her. Her next blast of words were that he isn’t declining for what he needs to be. She said she was having a meeting this Thursday with Al’s regular Hospice nurse, who already told her this morning that Al isn’t declining and she was 90% sure she was going to release Al from Hospice.

My heart sunk. I know what I see here. He has gone from five days at Day Program down to two half-days because he is declining and becoming weaker. He is almost 90% bed bound except on Day Program days.

He can no longer stand more than a few seconds and when he does it is on his heels because of his feet contracting. He has to be fed liquids and foods about 75% of the time. Last month he could still feed himself most of the time as long as it was finger foods.

His medications have been changing all the time because pain continues to get worse. His entire body is contracting. His head hangs on his chest. You can barely hear or understand what he is saying.

But according to the doctor he is not declining. She said that he will probably have a few more months to live. All of a sudden I was enraged. I felt although I can not prove it that this was to get back at me for not following her orders, since she did make that perfectly clear.

She stated that she would only release him if I promised to her in writing that I would follow all of her orders when he did come home until he was dismissed from Hospice.

All I could think of is I am going to be forced to place him in a nursing home. Why? Because it takes a lot of money to purchase briefs and pads.

They send a case at a time when they send his briefs. He wears two types, pull-ups for Day Program and tab types for when he is home in bed. He also uses quite a few chux pads. The bill is about two hundred dollars every couple of weeks. I can’t afford that at all. I already pay for what ever he needs here at home, food, clothing, anything that Hospice or Medicare/Medicaid doesn’t cover.

She said that she will let me know this Thursday her final decision. I hung up and sat here and almost started crying a pond of tears but I had to leave to go to the pharmacy to pick-up my medications for myself since Al will be home tomorrow I won’t be able to get out as easily.

When I went to the pharmacy the owners and I were talking about it and they told me to talk to the Hospice right here in town. I asked them, ” Why should I?  If Medicare won’t consider him acceptable in another county, they won’t here either.”

The owner convinced me to at least try. Just run over there and talk to them is what he said. I grabbed some lunch because I had forgotten to eat breakfast in the chaos of things. Then I went over there.

I was very upfront and honest. I explained everything that had been going on today and for the past six month history. She asked me if the doctors had ordered gel pain medications and I said no, and she wondered why.

She said from everything I was saying he is declining and they accepted Al in their Hospice care. We hugged and I told her as soon as I got home I would call the other Hospice and tell them the new Hospice information, which I did.

Now I am in waiting time. Waiting for Al to come home. Waiting for the two Hospices to talk to each other for dismissal and admitting. He will still get three showers a week. He will get a nurse in this area for visits. I will even get home maker time hours for me. From what I learned they will send someone out to tidy up his room or something.

So I had no trouble calling the now Hospice. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. I may be the sister but I know how he reacted to the increase of medication. Even the Hospice nurse that was here was shocked at how it was a negative reaction to the increase of meds.

I know in my heart this doctor is upset with me because I didn’t follow orders, but hey, this is a real person, and my brother. He is just not another case. So I am calmer now and this is good for all around. I made the right decision and as far as the Hospice Doctor is concerned…………she needs to remember why she became a doctor. You just can’t shut up noisy patients at any expense, pain is pain no matter what title you hold.