I am writing only because I just want to sit down and cry my eyes out. I know I have written enough posts for today but I just have to write one more, this one.
I am so thankful that Al is home. More that I can be the one who watches over him than strangers. I love him where doctors and nurses do not.
Al has not been himself at all today. I have learned through the day that there have been no real expressions from him but tears. I have found out that his vision is awful now. He can not see the wonderful Christmas cards you are sending. He tells me he is dying because he knows he is getting worse.
I don’t think he is getting worse as much as he is suffering the medication changes. He is on too many bad drugs now. It is a war I tell you. A tug and pull war. If Al and I want him to be pain-free, then it is drugs that are used. If we want Al lively then we trade that for pain.
His love for his vintage cars has disappointed him today as he can not even lift one car with his arms. He is so weak that moving him from the bed to a wheelchair is almost impossible. He is just like a bowl of jelly and he feels very heavy with his body being dead weight.
He did eat lunch which is a good thing. He wanted pizza for supper so I ordered it for him. With his appetite not dropping I have hope to carry in my heart. But seeing him like this just sickens me.
Oh dear God please, please take my brother home. I beg of you to not let him suffer anymore. I am assuming that his body is trying to adjust to these new medications but in the mean time, my heart is breaking as I look at a body that Al lives within but I don’t recognize.
When is the point when neither of us can take it anymore. God promises to not give us more than we can handle, but Lord? I feel today that I am at that point. Please hear me speaking Lord. Heal him, either bring him back to me so he can live a little or take him home. I know I can’t boss you God, but I can tell you my inner feelings, so here I am.
Naked and laying at your feet asking for mercy for my poor, sick brother, Al. Amen
Who I am 
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
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you are always so supportive even when life isn’t perfect in your world. thanks Al
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I will always try to make others smile.
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hugs my friend
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Terry, God hears you. He also knows how much you love your brother. He loves you too!
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I need him to help Al and me
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Terry, God is helping you. He has given you strength, courage, training and most of all an unconditional love for your brother that I have never had. He has provided what you both need, he has given you support from friends who have never met you, he has given you time with your brother to know that you in your humaness have given and done more than most would ever do in your situation. God has Al here today, for his reasons and you may not know why until you are in heaven. But, he has stood by you as your faith has grown by leaps and bounds even while you have cried and hurt for your brother. But more than anything he gave your brother, you.
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Thank you Cathy, all I can say is thank you
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Oh Terry I sit here writing this with tears running down my cheeks. I cannot not help but feel the agonizing hurt within your heart when reading this and for poor Al. I cannot imagine being trapped inside a complete body that does not work any longer. All I can do is offer my love and prayers, may God hear your plea and answer with His plan, His will, His time. God Bless and keep you my friend.
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thank you. God just has to help us, he has to hear me
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He knows what is in your heart and what your needs are even before you speak them.
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Oh Terry, we are lifting you up in our prayers!
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thanks so much for the prayers. prayers are powerful tools into today’s world especially. big hugs
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Hugs from here as well Terry, and tell Al, God is waiting for him! God bless you!
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thank you so much Loopy. I sure hope that God is listening
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there is no distance in God; i am with you
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I hope he is listening to me. I am praying for healing whether here on earth or in heaven
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You can be assured He is-if not one earth, then the moment Al steps through the viel, he will be healed for all eternity.
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Understand these prayers and pleas totally and am asking God for comfort for you and for Al.
Blessings to you and to Al.
I know he knows in his heart your love and dedication to him.
My brother was in the final stages of hep c and lived with me and my family years ago. He had developed liver cancer and the treatment was painful and awful.
We brought him home and I asked Pastor what to do and Pastor told me to ask for God to intervene and whatever happened was Gods will, but also to pray for ease of passage.
Four days later after we prayed that prayer, my sweet brother Dave, closed his eyes peacefully and stepped into Heaven.
Please hold the promise of our Lord that he truly does not give us more than we can carry but we also need to look for his doors that open and they do not always lead to what we want for our loved ones, but they always lead to what our hearts need and what our loved ones need.
Breathe and remember you are never alone in this walk.
Offering hugs.
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thank you so much Granny. Your comment is powerful to my eyes and gentle to my heart. As I read your comment I repeated the same prayer to God that you used. I will look for those open doors. Big hugs my friend. You are a friend and a blessing to me.
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Hugs back your way and you are also a blessings and friend to me.
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thank you Danny
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Hun, we care here and we really are here just to support you. It seems is he is closing his world down and only you and maybe one other means anything to him now. He is scared and afraid, uncertainty is the only certainty. I just wish I could shake his hand, give him and you both a hug. God bless you my dear friends. Larry afa
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Larry if you were here Al would feel the love in your heart and would most likely cry on your shoulder. I would cling tight to your comfort and not let go. I need good friends like you and I am blessed by your company
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I echo your prayer Terry.
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Thank you dear Julie. You are such a good friend to me
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Dear God, Please watch over Al and Terry Shepherd during this difficult time. Wrap your loving arms around them. Only you know what is best.
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Bless you and thank you Lovella. Your request to God is beautiful and I am counting on God answering. He will never ignore me or you. Hugs my friend
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God is with you both every second and He hears you. His timing is perfect. Praying for you-Both of you! Hugs and Love! ❤
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thank you so much Renee, thank you
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I am praying for you!
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bless you and thank you Michelle
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Sending love and hugs to both you and Al!! XOXO, Angie.
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thank you so much Angie. hugs
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sending hugs to you both Terry.
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thank you so much Katie
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You’re Welcome….
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Praying that prayer with you. Love you.
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I have been waiting for you and your comment. Thank you
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Terry, I worked until 9 last night and saw your post when I got home–tired and ready for sleep! But God had other plans for me last night, it seems, and I woke up several times already praying for you and Al. The amazing thing is that I’m wide awake and ready to roll today. Isn’t God amazing!
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he is very amazing!!!!! hugs my friend
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I can hear the pain in your writing. Watching our loved ones in pain or in their final days is hard to see as a gift. In February when I lost my dad, I prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Found it on-line. Hope tomorrow brings you contentment.
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can you show it to me?
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I am keeping you both in my prayers.
{{{Hugs}}}
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bless you and thank you RoSy. hugs
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God never fails.he abides with us and gives us victory. You did right to put your faith in him.today will be a new better day.
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he was no better by bedtime so I am counting on God for a better day tomorrow. thank you Ferwam!
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You are never alone in this journey
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thank you and big hugs
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I hope you can pull on the strength of the many people I see here writing you comforting words…
I believe when God sees that YOU can let Al go…He will release him from this world he is struggling in…but, that time is in God’s hands…
Sometimes the severeness of pain triggers other parts of the body to react …heart…lungs…etc. …
I do believe they( Hospice) are trying their best to not let Al be in any pain…and meds are the only way…That’s what they do!…but, Dear Lord… you must be suffering… God be with you!
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it is so hard to see someone who looks like Al but doesn’t act like Al. hugs my dear friend
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Thinking of you both, Terry. My heart goes out to you.
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thank you very much Naomi!!!
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Hang in there, Terry. This is going to be the hardest job you ever had, but you will have no regrets looking back. Do not forget to be kind and take care of yourself too.
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it is definitely hard. I don’t know which is worse, the illness our our emotions
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The choices are terrible and Al does need relief. I understand how awful it is for you ti see you beloved brother in this state! All I can do is pray for you too and hope God hears us. Big hugs Terry!
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I hope he hears our prayers too my friend
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Dear Terry,
I pray that the angels will gather round Al and lift him up to that great Mansion on The Hilltop that is waiting for him and for us all. May the Lord bring your strength and also peace in what happens. May God’s will be done.
Hugs to you Terry…your strength is being tested and you are coming through with flying colors!
Linda
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Bless you and thank you Linda. Your comment touched me. I have to believe God is listening and is going to rescue Al in some form of healing. Thank you again for the prayer
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I am having problems in the belief of God, but maybe just a little of his work is showing in bringing all these wonderful people to your side, and support for both of you. The little bit strength that you wish is here for you.. 😉
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Gerry I have problems at times with belief also. I was asked years ago to believe in something I have never seen. I begged God to show me that he is real and he did. On top of that, this is a world that has turned from a helping hand, to reaching out to our neighbor into a ME world. I need something to cling to. A thread grasp hold of. Why not God? What do I have to lose but a seat reserved for me beside Satan, burning forever in hell. It is not a choice I want to learn about when it is too late and I am looking the devil straight in the face and kicking myself for realizing I could have chosen differently. I could choose money, or material things or even myself or a friend, but I have learned all of those have let me down in some way. So I choose God for so far he has never let me down. I am not preaching, I am just letting you know what I have learned in my own life. You will never find me judging you for I am the least perfect person in the world. You are my friend. I accept you by your words. Hugs, big hugs
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Terry, I wish I had the words to comfort you, but we both know that any words spoken by a mere mortal do not have the power to transform your life or Al’s. All I can do is offer you my love, and I can pray for you and for Al. As for the saying that God won’t allow us to suffer more than we can endure, that isn’t true. You see, His word says that He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can endure, and that there will always be a way of escape from temptation.
As far as suffering goes, though, so many times, we suffer more pain than we can ever endure on our own, but this is where God’s mercy and grace shines through. For it is in those times of intense suffering that we come to realize just how desperately we need God to come and rescue us. It is in our weakness that His strength is made perfect.
Therefore, my prayer for you and Al is that you will lean on your heavenly Father, and that in your weakness, He will arise and show Himself strong on your behalf. Trust in Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. May the Lord bless you and Al as you go through this time of pain and suffering.
With much love,
Cheryl
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Good morning Cheryl. It is so nice to talk to you again. Your explanation makes perfect sense. I understand what you are saying. You are so right. The worse Al gets, the weaker I am, the more I depend on God to fix things. Praise God for helping me make it thus far in caring for Al. Thank you Cheryl.
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A big hug to Al and know that you and your family are surrounded by love. What an inspiring story you tell
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thank you so much Jane. It is nice to know that we have such a large group of support and love from all of you. Thank you for a very nice compliment. Hugs my friend
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Terry God not only know your pain He feels it too. Keep leaning on the One who loves us so much. This past few months I have found out that God keeps all of His promises, and I know that He will bring healing to Al and to you – hold on tightly to those promises to carry you through. I also know that words right now may not be what you want to hear – that is ok too, you have the love of all of us – God in His mercy brought us to you for this time, just like He brought of all you into my life to carry me through my darkest days. May the love of God and the love of all of your friends give you the strength you need and carry you during these dark days. In God’s love ~
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I pray that my sorrow does not bring you sad memories. This is not my intent. I cling to God for I know no other strong enough to hold and carry me through. He brought me an angel, you, several months ago. He always brings Al and I the best. Big hugs Patty. I love you and think of you often
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Bless your heart Terry – you do not bring sad memories – See you and Al go through this only makes me wish I can take your pain away. God always knows what we need – and remember He sent Jesus to conquer death – we need to hold on tightly to His promise of living with Him forever. Why we must suffer now is difficult to understand at times. I know enough to understand and can tell you with so many words, but when your heart is breaking and the pain too difficult to bear the words are empty. But that said, I know God is with you and Al right now. Lean on Him and all of us.
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Thank you Patty for understanding
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My heart goes out to you and Al. I know God is working and I pray that whatever happens you will accept the grace to face his decision. I will continue to pray for you and Al.
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Thank you Ana!!!
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My very heart feels your pain. I care so much. My prayers, thoughts are with you. Gloria
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thank you so much Gloria. I just wish all this would end, for Al’s sake and even mine. tonight I told him to go ahead and go. I told him God and Mom were waiting for him. I just don’t know how else to help
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Oh Terry, I ‘feel’ you… and I truly understand.
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Terry dear… love is terribly painful when whom we love is suffering ~ What What can I do? God isn’t far from you both, soon he’ll cradle Al and give him every heavenly comfort & reward! I’ve not ceased praying ~ xxx Debbie
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bless you my friend. Prayer is powerful, we both know this
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Sweet Terry……our Father is with you. My heart so hurts for you….at the same time my heart is solid in the knowledge that the times that are the hardest are the times we are closest to the Father. He promised us not that He wouldn’t give us more than we could bear….He promised that he wouldn’t give us more than He would walk or carry us through…..He….our loving Father IS with you. At least from what i’ve been gifted by Father in my hardest times, i feel the pain, i feel the turmoil, and still have to walk each painful step of uncertainty….but it is also when by leaning on His mercy and grace…His love for His children makes us stronger….in time. Our God is a God of miracles, I pray that Father wash you in His peace, That His Spirit fill your home and fill your spirit with His wisdom and His awesome peace…..Terry you are an awesome sister….there IS a light in this tunnel, keep your eyes on Him. Father is with you. And our loving Jehova Jirah, please provide brother Al his needs. Father give Al your comfort, Your peace, Your grace. Father we ask You to cover Al in your Spirit. Terry my family will be with you in spirit and prayers. Sweet Terry…….Father is with you.
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P.S……anonymous was me…i hit wrong buttons….oops!
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You are not anonymous to me dear nephew. Thank you for joining in with us praying for Terry and Al. You are the only one in our family following these MSA posts…you above others will thereby understand the journey Gary and I have ahead of ourselves. Blessings to Terry and Al.
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Thank you so very very much. May God bless you for helping my brother through prayers
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