The New Talk

I haven’t felt good all day. I have been cold. I have some sort of sniffles. My sugars have been low. Last night here at home Al and I had a different type of evening. Al was very calm. He spoke of wanting to make sure I got a Christmas gift from him to remember him by.

He talked about how he had forgiven family who had hurt him terribly. By the end of the evening it was five in the morning when he finally drifted off to sleep. The last words he spoke in that conversation were I see the ladder going to the sky.

It smacked me hard. Maybe he was right. Maybe he really wasn’t going to be here for Christmas. I went to my couch and laid down and got three hours of sleep before he called out to me in pain.

This morning though Al is a different person. Very chatty, laughing, smiling. He talked about his conversation with God last night. He spoke about my Christmas gift from him and asked the care giver if she would go purchase it for him. He spoke of the ladder to heaven in a very calm tone.

Since I didn’t feel well and still not top-notch I am laying on the couch more and watching the Inspiration Channel. There is a movie I have been glued to called One Last Christmas. I am always drawn to movies where there is an underdog. An ill patient.

It is almost over and then the theme song came on. Suddenly I started crying. The words in the song were exactly the same as my own thoughts were last night. This child has leukemia and doesn’t make it to Christmas. It is too close to home as Al feels the same way.

Here is the song. The words may not mean anything to you, but to me, they are mighty tree



27 thoughts on “The New Talk

  1. You truly are a wonderful sister Terry. And I know in your heart that you would say having Al as your brother is your one true precious gift. Your an inspiration to all. And Al sees this and knows how much you mean to him. He loves you with all his heart.


  2. Terry, I want you to know that I think of you and Al often. It inspires me to see you caring for your brother, as most people would not. You remind me that there are good people in this world. Thinking of you, PR.


  3. What can I say, I’m in tears really bad right now! I know what this song means to you, and I know this is a painful thought. And I am glad that you are a woman with common sense, enough to make sure Al has another Christmas to look forward to with his loving sis. Terry, It means something very similar in my heart too. Recently I made that comment to my granddaughter, “one last Christmas” while talking about the tender love and joy she showed my dad, her great gram- pa, on Christmas day last year. Knowing, at his age, this could be his last Christmas, Emily really pampered her great grandpa while visiting him, selfishly giving of her own family and play time, at his house on Christmas day 2012. Me, Jack and Emily were his only visitors that entire day. Unbeknownst to me, Jack, my husband, was taking pictures of Emily handing my dad his presents, one at a time, helping him open each gift with love and patience while telling him who they were from. He smiled from ear to ear, and I’m sure he was not feeling that usual abandonment he normally felt from the rest of his kids, as we stayed late into the afternoon enjoying his company. With dad being hard of hearing, Emily spoke in a slow but firm voice so he would understand her word for word. I treasure those pictures, though it kinda’ hard to look at them just right now because that was dads last Christmas…and ours too, that is, in sharing a beautiful holiday with an equally beautiful and irreplaceable soul.


  4. I can’t listen to the song. It would cause too many tears for you. I know he is going soon, I knew that when he said clearly “I love you”.

    We are here for you Terry.



  5. I think Al is walking with angels. Sending prayers and hugs.
    I am in the city with my hubby who is in the hospital here and we will be home on Tuesday.
    Am on a friends laptop for a few mins and wanted to check and see how you are doing.


    • I hope the best for your hubby and pray for healing and for you to be home very soon. Thanks for taking the time to spend a few moments with me my friend. Love and hugs


  6. Beautiful – all I can say is {hugs} I pray I can take some of your pain upon myself to ease your pain. You and Al have a the perfect love between a brother and sister.


    • I could never imagine turning my back on Al. We have a half sister who won’t acknowledge him and it is definitely her loss. Although my heart breaks and I don’t get enough sleep, I would not trade this for anything


    • oh Debbie I am blushing, I can feel it. I have made many mistakes.I just do my best. I hope Al does have that crown of glory for he has been a huge fighter in this illness. Big hugs my friend


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