The Planning Continues


Today you would need two sets of hearing aids in order to hear what Al is saying. Yes, his voice is that soft. He has been still in his planning stage. He has sorted cars, from old to newest.

He has spoken about his viewing and his funeral. He has chosen where he wants to have his funeral. I liked his choice because that was my decision also. He has talked about his funeral.

He has been very apologetic today. He has apologized for almost anything. I keep telling him he doesn’t need to but he continues.

Hospice has now taken one of his medications and turned it into a gel form. He has a liquid medication for pain also and one seizure medication. This is it. All other medications have been placed in the cupboard.

He has gone extremely down in this area. From 15 meds to 3. He didn’t sleep good last night and I am so tired of being dizzy from lack of sleep that I slept most of the morning a way and let the care giver do her job.

I hope for a night of sleep, this is my goal for the day. I did venture down to the mailbox through about 8 inches of snow. It has snowed all day long. My son came down and plowed the ramp for me. I was very appreciative of this.

So all in all, the day hours have not been to bad, but I will admit that planning viewings and funerals with the patient is difficult for the sister. I am going to let him go in his favorite clothes. You probably don’t need to even ask. Yes, Coca Cola of course. If only the company knew how important their product is to Al, they would feel so special.

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40 thoughts on “The Planning Continues

  1. I hope you don’t mind Terry. I contacted Coca Cola. I sent them this:
    ……
    I was wondering if you could help me to help a friend of mine. She is the sole carer for her brother who has MSA – Multiple System Atrophy and he does not have very long left. In fact, he may not make it to Christmas.

    He is a very avid fan of Coca Cola, and has cars, lorries, bottles, fridges, buckets, you name it, he has it.

    I was wondering … would it be at all possible for a flag to be sent to them in Warsaw, Indiana, so that it can drape across his coffin? As I say, he has maybe days left now. I know he would be a very happy man to be buried not only in his Coca cola clothes, but also with the flag.

    Please could you possibly do this for my friend, it would mean the world to him and his sister. He would go as one of the happiest men on this planet.

    I know the feedback you would get from this would be magnificent as thousands of people read her blog and have been following the last months of Al, so you would get positive recognition across the world.

    Please could you do this?

    Alastair Forbes in the UK on behalf of a friend in the USA.

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  2. Keeping my fingers crossed and saying a prayer that Coca cola hears this request. Terry thank you for opening up a window to these last few days. It helps us prepare when our turn comes and allows us to reach out to you and let you know that we care for you and support you. Hopefully this also helps you not feel isolated and alone through this journey. We are all holding your cyber hand.

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  3. What a great idea from Alastair, I do hope they can do it! I can imagine how hard it is , as I had to listen to my mum telling me what she wants and it cannot be done without tears! It is a hard task and I think of you every day!

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  4. Terry, this is in regards to a recent post on your feeling guilty…my dear one, you are not alone.
    Your guilt is natural, and unfortunately, it will continue during grieving, but you are such a strong individual you will survive, even though you don’t think so…I know because I am still here.
    The greatest challenge in these situation every day is guilt. Guilt because you are helpless to change things in your life or the person who is sick. It takes a special person to undertake the task of caring for a dying family member. This is a special time in everyone’s life when the individual releases the physical, mental and emotional parts of his/her life and a caregiver, especially a family member will be impacted by this process. The tasks in caring can be overwhelming.
    There are barrages of feelings to be expected while going through this process that include: guilt, anger, anxiety, courage, exhaustion, fear, isolation, love, sadness and wistfulness. The exhaustion felt from physically caring for the individual may at time magnify the other feelings as lack of sleep can make it difficult to cope.
    Many communities offer support groups for caregivers; let these wonderful people help you, if you belong to a church call the Pastor they may have individuals that will come in for an hour or so. Al is a young man, does his friends maintain contact, a visit from them may change his outlook for a few hours.
    Know that you are in our prayers, many of us have been there and feel your pain of frustration and guilt, you are a wonderful person who should reach out for help, do not try to do this alone. Help is out there!

    Prayers, Hugs, Know that you are not alone. Ann

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    • the biggest gift you have given to me is to allow me the chance to say I am reacting in a normal way. I am feeling very guilty. I am short tempered, tired, exhausted. I listen to Al complain, cry, talk to God, wishing things were different. I hear death, I hear it all through sleepy eyes. He has been awake over 24 hours now. The hospice nurse calls it restless death. The last step before the death. I ache for him not being able to die. I ache for my lack of sleep, I feel like I am the one whining and sick instead of thinking of him

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  5. Alastair has the best heart ! , I hope with all my being that Coca-Cola responds, Al would be so happy. I haven’t read what you deleted but if I got it right you are feeling angry and that is a very natural emotion at this time and after Al is in a better place you will feel guilty, mad at the world, and sad along with many other emotions and you know what, it is all okay to experience those feelings and you will do it many times over. So it is okay Terry, we are all here for you and we love you don’t ever feel unloved or umcared for as there are so many of us that have come to care through your wonderful writing of this journey.

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  6. Terry-you are not selfish-you are just tired. Wish I could come and sit with Al and just let you sleep.
    It is so hard to not be able to sleep and then know that you need to so bad and when you do feel guilty and selfish about the time we need to take acre of us.
    You can only go so far without sleep and in able to care for Al you need sleep.
    Al is a kind man making sure you know where he wants to be laid to be laid to rest and how, while he is still able to let you know.
    Hugs and prayers your way.

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  7. prayers and hugs sent your way – thinking of you and praying coca cola comes through – silly how a simple product could make such a difference – but in this case it would be very representative of Al and a very big symbol from the universe…Godspeed my friend..

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  8. Having lived through taking care of my grandfather and his end stages, you will have nights a plenty to sleep through without interruption I promise you. I’m amazed and grateful that Al has medication in the method (liquid, gel) that is easiest to take both for you and him. We got liquid vicodin for my grandfather and it arrived the day after he passed away. Cherish all that you have for these will be the thoughts you remember and the actions that will replay in your mind a year from now. Hugs Terry 🙂

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    • I am sorry that you had to live through the loss of a loved one. I do treasure everything, because I realize our time is limited. Bless you and big hugs. Merry Christmas my friend

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