Same-O

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Is it because it is the end of the year? Or is it because the hype of exciting and fun days of Christmas is gone? Or maybe it is because Al‘s illness just reminds me of an energised bunny; keeps going and going.energizer bunny

Is it because it is cold and dreary outside? Wow, too many questions. Now let’s look at the flip side of that coin.coin

The facts are I am sick at looking at myself in the mirror. No real hairstyle anymore. No cute clips, no real make-up.

Same old clothes, same slippers, same old thoughts.

Now this sounds like a woman who has been in a pile of knee-deep crap for some time.

I think this woman needs a change of pace. But how can I do that? I need, I want, I yearn. I sound like a whiny toddler. I am restless I guess. For years, and months, weeks and days, life is going in one direction.

A direction that will bring nothing more than sadness, tears, and a void in my heart. I want to stop it. I want to flash back to earlier times. I want to pull my hair out.

No wait! I want to roll my hair up, put the make-up on. Squeeze my fat feet into those four-inch spikes. Put that mini over my plump thighs. Put on a push-up bra and pretend I have something to show.

How about some long glue-on french nails? Some plum lipstick and some gorgeous blush. Maybe I will even get in my trunk and pull out those fish net panty hose that were so popular back in my day. What do you think? Do you think I am ready for a change?

Who’s with me? Paris, Hawaii, The Bahamas? Oh wait, I don’t have any money.

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39 thoughts on “Same-O”

  2. Terry – Indeed, I too know the feeling as I sit here in my bathrobe. That doesn’t mean I’ve had a leisurely day, it simply means I’ve a day wherein I couldn’t figure our why I should get dressed, let alone take a shower, style my hair and do the make-up. I try not to have too many of these days in a row or I’ll go down into the pits of hell and not return. For those of us that are caregivers, it often seems we can’t wish for what once was because that might mean we’d lose the person we love the most. I no longer promise myself that tomorrow will be a better day. I return to my mantra, ‘God’s Will Be Done.’

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    • Many days I look at myself and think why bother getting dressed. I am not going anywhere. I will have urine on me, food, maybe vomit, who knows what today will bring. Tomorrow won’t be better. Even if Al goes to heaven tonight I have to deal with a whole other issue, my living without him. I want to laugh til I cry, giggle over nothing but I can’t. After all I have a dying brother on the other side of this wall. Some day we will both look back and smile at all we were able to share. Some day our hearts will heal and leave us with wonderful memories. But honestly? I am getting older. I don’t know if I will be healed by the time I leave this earth. Being a caregiver is an honor, a hard job, and no thank-you’s involved. Being a caregiver can suddenly leave you alone, deserted by family and friends. My robe and slippers become my best friends. My bed constantly calls my name for it knows I need rest. Our lives have changed and yet they have taught us great strength in mankind. We are the tired nurses that don’t even recognize the good we are doing for others. Hugs my dear friend

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  4. Terry as much as you are going through of course you will feel this way..as we just became FB friends I’m not even sure what you look like. Does not matter how you look on the outside its what is most important what comes from the inside. Too many people today “Judge a book by it’s cover”. And not get to know the REAL person. Please never forget that you are very compassionate, loving and kind person. In my short time writing to you this is what I see. Take and God Bless

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  5. Well – for the record…You are beautiful.
    What person that does what you have done & continues to do what you do isn’t?
    Now go back & look in the mirror. See – I told you 😉

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  6. It is hard to carry such heavy baggage with out breaking down from time to time and letting go of a few tears. The person in that mirror is pretty tired and worn right now, but that image you see is of a pretty special person, hang on to that.

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  10. I was stuck in a rut myself earlier this year I had just broken up with my partner and was fed up of the miserable face staring back out of the mirror but was totally at a loss for how to drag myself out of it but a fellow blogger actually inspired me. They were posting reviews for different subscription boxes they received and the items in it so off I went to check out what was available here in the UK as they are different to the ones you can get over there in the US. I get one called glossybox which is similar to Birchbox available over there, basically you pay a fee each month not sure on your prices mine works out at a couple of pounds per week but then get products each month selected for you, things you might never think of buying for yourself or think it okay to splash out silly month for, not everything is perfect for you but daughters are usually happy to accept things that don’t suit lol this is a link to one of my review for mine but it might be something for you to look into just to cheer your self up you deserve a little spoiling! http://paulaacton.com/category/4-thursday/glossybox-monthly-review/

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  12. oh boy, I almost feel like joining the party here.. almost… I was there last year and the year before… and it was hell .. pure hell.

    imagine, if we had lived on the same neighbourhood, we could all get together in our pajamas, no hair done, no makeup needed, and just curled up in sofas near each other and moaned until we were done. Maybe then, we would’ve given each other manicures and pedicures and painted toe nails and had bowls of guilt free ice-cream.

    Somehow, I just found that thought very comforting. BIG HUGS to everyone! I hope we all get through this journey that we are on.

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      • 🙂 I became a A-type personality, over-achiever, because i wasn’t ever good enough for anything (according to the ppl who shud’ve loved me and taught me instead). So now I try to cut myself some slack instead. If something wasn’t good enough for me, scratch it and restart if I want. If something isn’t perfect but I am good with it, I will just let it be.

        I have been through the valley of death, there isn’t anything that can be bad enough ever again. Non-guilt ice-creams and minis are cherry on top 😀

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  13. I’d go to the Bahamas with you in a heartbeat–except I don’t have the money either! But no fishnets or pushups for me. The saggy baggy body is what it is, and I don’t ever want to be cinched, girdled, propped, contained or squished EVER again 🙂

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    • mine are the same way. In fact I think you are describing me!!! LOL, I would go to the Bahamas too if I only had a dime!!!!! We could go together on 20 cents!

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