Right now I feel like I am going to throw up. I feel faint. I feel sick inside. Now to most of you, you may think this is not really a big deal, but to me and Al it is a huge big issue.
Not only has this illness stripped him of all of his independence. Fluids have now begun to fill his eyes, nose and his leg is seeping. His hands are swollen and moist.
One of his favorite shows it Storage Wars which is one right now. He just asked me to turn it off. All day he has eaten very little. He has been more quiet this afternoon. This evening he started complaining of having a sty in his eye.
He doesn’t have a sty. The nurse said today this is part of his process of dying. Fluids are filling up and now they have taken a way the only thing he had left, that he enjoyed. The last thing that he counted on.
TV has always been his best friend. A way to escape his dad and issues of the world. I just can’t do this. I am not strong now. I can’t stand by and just watch him fill up with fluids until he drowns.
Oh Lord please help me and Al, please help. My stomach is churning. Where do I turn to, where do I go from here………….
Go ahead MSA, take it all. Take all Al ever had in his life. His movement, his independence, his vision, his enjoyment in life, take it all.
The Hospice nurse just dropped off supplies and she took a look at Al from me telling her about the TV. She said he may be here this weekend.
Who I am 