Win-Win Situation For Al

Today it seemed like a chilly Spring day. The temperatures were in the thirties. A much higher temp than thirty-five below zero. I went outside our front door. It felt good to get out.

I drove to Wal-Mart to get Al a new baby monitor. One of those that you can carry with you. With his new air bed motor being noisy  and the fact the caregiver has hearing issues, I felt like I was a big, old nag continually letting her know Al was calling her name.

She didn’t mind me telling her, but I minded it and with Al’s bitter soft voice, I admit he is very hard to hear. I got Al a new box of ice-cream and some popsicles. The nurse thought the treat would feel good on his lips.

I couldn’t get the ice-cream without the chocolate syrup of course. That is the way he likes it. For several days this has been all Al will eat. He eats very little but at least he will eat that. Along with some other groceries I wanted to look around for clearance items too, but started feeling a little ill.

I tried hard to fight it but it continued to get worse so I stopped at the Sub-Way inside the store and picked up two sandwiches, one for the caregiver and of course me. Both Chicken, Bacon Ranch on flat bread. I like to do nice things for Stacy if I can, because she is so caring and good with Al.

Once I got back into my car to leave for home I instantly felt better. I knew then that it was me that was causing the ill feelings. I was out of my comfort zone. I was in a place where many people were and I was uncomfortable.

I started the car and waiting for it to warm up again, I questioned myself on how long I had actually been in the house. I couldn’t remember. I knew that I went down to the grocery store before the blizzard and got some emergency foods so I didn’t run out. I also remembered going to the big grocery store the week before Christmas.

Other than that the bad weather and Al’s health have  held me inside our home. I can’t let myself become a hermit. I can’t believe I didn’t really enjoy being out and on top of that almost made myself sick.

All the time I was out I thought of Al and hoped he was alright. I checked my cell a couple of times to see if Stacy had called, needing me. Being a caregiver involves so much more than just the physical care of a patient. I believe it takes hold of every fiber of our being when it is a full-time job.

I made up my mind that when I can, I will get out for a bit. I can’t control the weather, and I can’t fix how light-weight my car is, but I can get outside for a breath of fresh air more often. I need to push myself harder and realize I am not the one who is lying in the bed sick. I have two feet that work and I do not have to be glued to the four walls.

I will be glad when Spring is here and I can get back outside again. Maybe sit in the swing, or watch the birds. If Al is still here, I can carry the portable monitor with me or just hand it to the caregiver and let her be doing the job she was hired for.

Al loves his new air bed and this is nice. But I think with having to get him out of bed yesterday for the transfer of beds was hard on him. His vitals have changed and haven’t returned back to his normal. He has slept around the clock since yesterday, only waking up to eat some ice-cream. I am thinking part of it is the comfy bed and part of it is the illness. I have been told by many that in the ending days Al will sleep almost all the time. Either way, God is in control.

So many have been praying for Al’s release of this body into a new heavenly body. Maybe God used that new mattress as a way to speed up the process, and maybe not. All I know is Al is very calm, very peaceful, and sleeping 22 hours out of 24. If this is the way Al will enter into his new life, then it is a good thing, and if this is the way his body is going to react to the new bed, then that is also a good thing. Either way, it is a win-win situation for Al.