Many of you may think I am insane. Others may believe or have heard. When Al and my mother passed,…
Many of you may think I am insane. Others may believe or have heard. When Al and my mother passed, my husband and I were driving. Crows circling the car when one came swooping down at us and hit the windshield cracking it.
I knew the story. I love the culture of animals and life. Within a certain amount of days the story goes that someone you love dearly will pass a way. Within the time frame our mother passed.
Years later when our father passed I went outside when the funeral home came to pick him up. I just couldn’t stay inside. Once outside I heard such a loud shrieking I had to cover my ears. It was piercing. I looked up into the trees and they were black.
Black because hundreds of crows took over. This lasted about five to ten minutes and then they were gone. Earlier this year my daughter let me know that she had seen the crows. Within the correct time frame a family member passed a way.
Today I went outside like I said I would yesterday in my post. I decided to walk to the mailbox. I noticed the familiar sounds and looked up to see crows flying in circles over our home. I would guess there were probably between 20-30 crows. They would sit in the near by trees and then circle over the house and then go back and sit and chatter ever so loudly.
I grabbed my camera and took the photos. I know this is old superstition tales from many years ago; but I also know from my own experience of what happened to our parents.
Edgar Allan Poe is famous for his poem the Raven. I have placed it below along with the photos I took. I hesitated writing this post, but I decided to go for it anyways, because I do believe.
[First published in 1845]
|Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`’Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door –
Only this, and nothing more.’
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
`Prophet!’ said I, `thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil! –
`Prophet!’ said I, `thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil!
`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!’ I shrieked upstarting –
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
Well, it was short-lived. A beautiful, magical 24 hours where Al was at peace with himself and the…
Well, it was short-lived. A beautiful, magical 24 hours where Al was at peace with himself and the world. But last night he did a 360. At 8pm he suddenly became confused. He didn’t know what day it was, nor time.
He was concerned whether Stacy, the caregiver would be here this morning. He was and still is restless. He says his hands are creeping and frozen. When he comments this, he is telling me his hands feel like they are moving and yet frozen in place at the same time.
The sleep I dreamed about getting two nights in a row didn’t happen. In fact, I didn’t sleep at all last night as he kept calling me in his room to repeat his fears.
This morning the caregiver came and she gave him a bath. I trimmed his moustache. She and I really doted on him but he just cried and cried. He was fearful of dying today. He has seen shadows in his room for a couple of days.
He hasn’t seen our parents or Jesus for some time. The shadows have replaced them I am thinking. He has me say a prayer for him each evening but this morning he asked me to pray for him. His request was for me to ask God to send Mom here.
I can’t pinpoint what the issue really is. Is he afraid of dying or is he afraid of dying alone. Other wise why would he have me ask God to send Mom here to help him go home. I have said about everything possible I can think of.
I have followed all leads that you have given me. I thought we had this whole thing licked when he was so calm and comfortable those 24 hours. I was just in there and I rubbed his arms. His veins are popped up as if he has been working on huge weights at the gym.
I am so hoping that as I am writing this he has drifted off to sleep as it is quiet through the monitor. He refuses to have any noise in his room and no light on at all. Pure silence is what he is requesting.
I know I am a repeater as of late, but I am coming to you once again to pray for that calm to return. I am asking you to say the same things I ask God for. To ease Al’s fear of dying and to let him go gracefully.
In my wildest nightmares that I have been having lately, I see Al screaming and crying as God is lifting him home. I don’t want this to be a reality. I am strong as you say, but I am no Super Woman.
So please stick with me friends, I am pleading for your help once again.
“We started dying before the snow, and like the snow, we continued to fall.” — Louise Erdrich, Tracks
We started dying before the snow
And like the snow, we continued to fall
The relationship I had counted on for years to come
Had stopped when I stood by in the shadows
My heart beat faster, my breathing quickened
As I watched her replacing my lips
And tears began to fall and I tasted salt
Blinking because I wanted to watch it all
He is ripping my heart into bits of a puzzle
As I see him caressing her hair
What had I done to cause him to turn
The words on his lips that used to be mine
I knew in my heart as the snow began and then stopped
The virgin flakes transferred from mine to her
She was willing to give the one thing I could not
And as I watched them kneel and then lay one on one
My hands bled into the other
For what he desired he was fulfilling this moment
As I stood in the shadows and the snow once again began to fall.