Love Comedy and a Good Laugh? For Mature Audience Please

Now we all know that Al is my brother. Being a caregiver on top can lead to some touchy situations. This is one of those situations.

I just came out of Al’s bedroom after spending about 20 minutes on one procedure. I told you all that a few days ago Al was given a Texas Catheter. Now since he has had it I check it often to make sure it is in place since it is not an internal one.

Well tonight, and even worse I am the only caregiver at this hour, that little sucker had come off. I was a lucky gal though. No mess as of yet. I proceeded to get my gloves on and go to work. The goal being get it back on without injury to Al.

I try once and no luck. I look at Al and he is just watching me. I try again, failed. I can feel beads of sweat starting to come on my forehead. I explain to Al I am doing this for the very first time after watching the nurse do it. Al is just looking at me. More beads appear.

I try again, curses. I take a deep breath, determined to not have to call Hospice in. I try stretching it over. I try stretching it in a different direction, nothing. I finally get it on and it rolls right back off.

Once again I look into Al’s eyes and he has not taken his eyes off of me. I asked him if I am hurting him in any way and he says nothing.

Now the challenge has begun. This sucker is going on one way or another. I will win this battle. I begin to let my mind wander back to the days when I was a young gal getting involved with sex. Was it really that hard to do?

Oh wait, I never had used one before, guess that is why I have three kids. I stand straight up giving my back a rest. I wipe the sweat from my brow. I smile at Al. I take a deep breath. Come on you heifer, get yourself back on there! Do what you are told. This is supposed to be easy. No luck.

I cover him with a towel and say a silent prayer that he doesn’t shoot everywhere while I come out to the internet and google Texas condom catheter videos. I had to sign in saying I was 18 years old, and then I proceeded to take mental notes while I observed the nurse putting one on a dummy model.

There was one difference with the dummy and Al. Al was human and he is ill. The video talked about a certain degree angle to do this easily. Now with Al we had a problem there. I won’t go into big details but let’s just say there was no soldier standing at attention in this room tonight.

I went back into Al’s room and said a prayer. Please dear God. We both know this has to go back on. I can’t do it myself. I really need your help like no other time. Do your thing Lord, teach me.

I looked at Al again and this time he was watching TV and not me. I put clean gloves on and grabbed the little bugger and said, let’s getter done!

I wrestled it like a cowboy ropes a calf. Within seconds it was on. It is not perfect. I will have to continually check on it. I will pray it remains in place, but I did it. The sucker is in tact.

Whew. sweat is in my face and in my hair. I hear Al take a deep breath. I don’t think that breath was because he is struggling to breathe. I think it is because he was relieved he still had his manhood in tact.

Lordy, I need a shower. Oh, so I don’t forget to do it later, thanks Lord for helping me get that job done!!!

Words For The Soul

Walking down the street, seeing no one. Thoughts racing in my mind. I didn’t see the man in front of me. I walked right into him. Quickly my mind came back to the moment. I apologized with a sheepish grin. Totally embarrassed at what I had just done.

The man in front of me had a blank face. Had he not heard me? Was he that mad at me? I swear it was an accident. I don’t usually make such a fool of myself. I apologized again and placed my arm on his to show my sincere attitude. He jerked his hand a way.

I twisted my body placing my hand on my hip. Defense was my mode. I said, “Now look Mister, I said I didn’t mean to do it. I was just deep in thought and I didn’t see you standing here. In fact, you probably saved my life. I would have crossed the street not even aware that I was at the stoplight.”

Still no reaction. The face didn’t change. No anger showed. The man and I stood there for a few seconds, no one saying anything. Then I heard a bark. I looked toward the sound and saw a husky dog standing to the side of the man. The red collar and leash attached to the dog was wrapped on the man’s wrist.

I lowered my hand and stood more relaxed. I felt like a fool. The man couldn’t see me. He couldn’t hear me either. Hell I probably have this poor man scared half to death by now. Tears started streaming down my face as I realized the whole picture now.

I reached my hand down slowly and the dog sniffed my fingers. He let me pet his head and then I stood up and took the gentleman by the hand. I started to rub it to somehow show him I was not an enemy.

I wrapped my arm through his arm and pulling a bit on the leash I walked the man across the cross way. Once on the other side, the dog sat down. I let go of the man’s arm and I gave him a pat on the back. I did one step further and gave him a big hug. When I stepped back and looked at him I saw a smile. Two tears were dripping from his eye. I left them knowing he was safe in the dog’s eyes and walked on my way, forgetting my own problems and smiled at the warm sunshine.

woman and sun