Love Comedy and a Good Laugh? For Mature Audience Please


Now we all know that Al is my brother. Being a caregiver on top can lead to some touchy situations. This is one of those situations.

I just came out of Al’s bedroom after spending about 20 minutes on one procedure. I told you all that a few days ago Al was given a Texas Catheter. Now since he has had it I check it often to make sure it is in place since it is not an internal one.

Well tonight, and even worse I am the only caregiver at this hour, that little sucker had come off. I was a lucky gal though. No mess as of yet. I proceeded to get my gloves on and go to work. The goal being get it back on without injury to Al.

I try once and no luck. I look at Al and he is just watching me. I try again, failed. I can feel beads of sweat starting to come on my forehead. I explain to Al I am doing this for the very first time after watching the nurse do it. Al is just looking at me. More beads appear.

I try again, curses. I take a deep breath, determined to not have to call Hospice in. I try stretching it over. I try stretching it in a different direction, nothing. I finally get it on and it rolls right back off.

Once again I look into Al’s eyes and he has not taken his eyes off of me. I asked him if I am hurting him in any way and he says nothing.

Now the challenge has begun. This sucker is going on one way or another. I will win this battle. I begin to let my mind wander back to the days when I was a young gal getting involved with sex. Was it really that hard to do?

Oh wait, I never had used one before, guess that is why I have three kids. I stand straight up giving my back a rest. I wipe the sweat from my brow. I smile at Al. I take a deep breath. Come on you heifer, get yourself back on there! Do what you are told. This is supposed to be easy. No luck.

I cover him with a towel and say a silent prayer that he doesn’t shoot everywhere while I come out to the internet and google Texas condom catheter videos. I had to sign in saying I was 18 years old, and then I proceeded to take mental notes while I observed the nurse putting one on a dummy model.

There was one difference with the dummy and Al. Al was human and he is ill. The video talked about a certain degree angle to do this easily. Now with Al we had a problem there. I won’t go into big details but let’s just say there was no soldier standing at attention in this room tonight.

I went back into Al’s room and said a prayer. Please dear God. We both know this has to go back on. I can’t do it myself. I really need your help like no other time. Do your thing Lord, teach me.

I looked at Al again and this time he was watching TV and not me. I put clean gloves on and grabbed the little bugger and said, let’s getter done!

I wrestled it like a cowboy ropes a calf. Within seconds it was on. It is not perfect. I will have to continually check on it. I will pray it remains in place, but I did it. The sucker is in tact.

Whew. sweat is in my face and in my hair. I hear Al take a deep breath. I don’t think that breath was because he is struggling to breathe. I think it is because he was relieved he still had his manhood in tact.

Lordy, I need a shower. Oh, so I don’t forget to do it later, thanks Lord for helping me get that job done!!!

28 thoughts on “Love Comedy and a Good Laugh? For Mature Audience Please

  1. ROFLROFL, what a great story Terry, I love the way you write…I can just see this too, I can relate on some other things, lol….love and hugs!! You need a rest after that one!

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    • I did, I did need a rest. had to wash up from the sweat!!!! LOL, I hope that doesn’t come off again when I am here alone. I will let the caregiver deal with putting on a new one in the morning. I keep checking it tonight and whisper a YES, IT IS STILL ON!!!!!!

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  2. I am chuckling and applauding you. I have not had to do that yet with hubby and he is able to get up even when he is having bad days, with the help of his caregivers and go to the bathroom. he is able to say when he has to go and hold it for a few mins. til I have help.
    I am 5 foot tall and he is over 6 foot so when I need to help him stand and get his balance, it is a funny sight.

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    • That is the way it is for Al and me too when he used to be able to get up. Al is six foot one and I am five foot two. A real sight for sure!!!!! When we placed Al in his recliner from changing the beds out his body just fell into a ball form. It was sad, so I am so happy your hubby can still get up!

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  3. Hallelujah Terry! I’m so glad you’re able to find the humor in difficult situations, and I confess, I get mental pictures whenever anyone talks about something, and I was really chuckling as I read your post. You do a great job of describing things.

    Love you and praying for you,
    Cheryl

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    • Would you believe that sucker came off again? This time I used a brand new one instead of doing what the nurse said and trying to put the old one on. Went much better, probably because I am getting too much practice!! LOL

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  4. LOL!
    Oh Terry – please know that I am in no way laughing at you or at the situation. The way you tell the story is what makes me chuckle at this post.

    The video makes it look so easy…
    Glad you were able to take care of the situation. Keeping my fingers crossed that it stays on as it should.

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    • It’s ok, I laughed later on too, but then I got upset because that thing came off again. I tossed it in the trash and put a brand new one on, which went much easier, or else I am getting too much practice. LOL

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  5. Isn’t it amazing what we find ourselves doing as caregivers? Your story reminds me of the times I battled my mom’s colostomy bag. Fun times … not! But we also did find the humor in the situation, which I think helped us get through it.

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    • Oh I hate dealing with Colostomy bags. Yuck. I don’t know which is worse, the catheter condom or the colostomy bag. I vote on both are pretty nasty when they are not working properly. Later in life I will look back on these days and laugh, I am sure

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  6. Bob has a condom cath that has a small bladder. We use it when we are out and about or traveling. While I love what it does for us, I often cuss it out when trying to place it on too. some days are better than others if you know what I mean 😉 Trust me it’s almost as weird doing this for a husband .

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    • Hi Susan, I think that is awesome that you have a travel size to use. I found myself getting closer and closer to my work as I struggled to get that stupid thing on. Would you believe it came off again later? I threw that one a way and got a new one out. This time it went on much easier. The nurse said I could reuse them if they came off, but it didn’t work. Next time I am getting a bright light and a magnifier glass and setting up my prop scene!!!! LOL

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  7. Is it wrong that I giggled a little bit? I know these are stressful times and thankfully you were able to find something online about it.. but sometimes laughter helps you cope with the reality and lets you get back to things at hand. Much love to you my friend.

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