Update on my Brother

I am not God, we all know this, but Al has definitely changed as of last night. The first signal that something was not right aside from the usual signs is Al refused his pop and ice-cream.

I have never in my life seen Al refuse pop. For about a month he has been eating only ice-cream and yet he didn’t want that or anything last night.

His heart rate was so soft last night I had to turn the TV off to hear it. There is no longer a pulse in his feet. This morning when I checked on him he was having very rapid breathing. It is slower now due to medications and he is breathing better.

Something is happening and I can not push the fact or ideas away anymore. Although I want him to be free from this terrible, wicked, nasty illness, there is a pain in my gut and my nerves are shot. I don’t seem to be able to help myself.

Along with those feelings and the terribly high winds, the roads drifting shut. The knowledge that my car sucks in the winter holding its own on the snowy roads, I wonder if my groceries will hold out.

I looked at the remaining of January and it is no better. Bitter, single digit temperatures will lock so many of us, including me in our homes.

So life looks gloomy to me today as I sit by Al’s side and watch him leave.


53 thoughts on “Update on my Brother

  1. I know you are scared. You are scared of running out of food. You are scared of what you are going to do when he goes. You are scared of the quiet.

    It is only natural. They are waiting for him now. They are lining the roads waiting for him.



  2. May the good Lord bring you calmness within, strength to endure and a healing to your heart my friend. Als transition is nearly complete and he will be so free of pain and sickness. There he will smile down on you with great love and thankfulness for all you have done for him.Rest my friend when you can, keeping Al comfortable and know you are surrounded by love and caring. hugs


  3. I won’t offer you an platitudes this morning, Terry, because I’m sure you’ve heard it all by now. I will only say that you and Al continue to be in my thoughts and prayers as you endure this difficult season. Many blessings on you, my friend.


  4. This harsh cold and snow does nothing good for our spirits… and doubly so with you inside with an ailing brother…I have no problems to talk about… and it’s still gloomy…
    roads are covered but, with Bobby driving…. will probably try and get to store for a few things…Stay warm…entertain yourself with a good movie…or blog a magnificent story…
    cook something that will entice yourself and Al… best to you!


  5. Terry, am sending you my love, always…what you are feeling is normal, I found that I was never really ready to lose my brother, even though I wanted him to be free of the suffering of the disease….knowing doesn’t help…in fact it makes every single minute more precious, like gold…and every single minute heartbreaking and hard at the same time…my thoughts are with you, I still am holding your hand in mine and passing you my strength….love you Terry..


    • You are describing exactly how I feel. He has had labored breathing part of today, but now is sleeping calmly. He has eaten very little. Drinking is about the same as food


  6. I work at a grocery store. You frequent the same one often in the town in which you live. Appeal to the store manager; call the store and ask to speak to him/her. The store I work for puts customer’s needs first. Surely an employee will shop and bring you food. You need this service and they will do their best to provide it. Reach out to your community like to are doing here. Don’t leave Al, his time here is obviously short. Keep repeating that you need to stay because he is in the process of dying and you are shut in. Although letting a loved one go is painful, there is an exquisite beauty about the process. I am sending you love and hugs to warm your soul. God has blessed you; this experience has shaped your life and Al’s. You have provided Al with unconditional love; God’s unwavering promise to us all. You are truly Al’s angel on earth.


  7. Terry.. this is really a hard time…. when there is nothing you can do except be there with him…I pray for peace for you and Al… With the worry of the weather maybe your son could help and get some groceries…. lean on and don’t be afraid to ask him…. Diane xoxo


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