I am not God, we all know this, but Al has definitely changed as of last night. The first signal that something was not right aside from the usual signs is Al refused his pop and ice-cream.
I have never in my life seen Al refuse pop. For about a month he has been eating only ice-cream and yet he didn’t want that or anything last night.
His heart rate was so soft last night I had to turn the TV off to hear it. There is no longer a pulse in his feet. This morning when I checked on him he was having very rapid breathing. It is slower now due to medications and he is breathing better.
Something is happening and I can not push the fact or ideas away anymore. Although I want him to be free from this terrible, wicked, nasty illness, there is a pain in my gut and my nerves are shot. I don’t seem to be able to help myself.
Along with those feelings and the terribly high winds, the roads drifting shut. The knowledge that my car sucks in the winter holding its own on the snowy roads, I wonder if my groceries will hold out.
I looked at the remaining of January and it is no better. Bitter, single digit temperatures will lock so many of us, including me in our homes.
So life looks gloomy to me today as I sit by Al’s side and watch him leave.
Who I am 
you are a priceless brother! Having you in life is a blessing from God. Take care my friend.
LikeLike
I am his sister. Thank you for an awesome comment!!! hugs
LikeLike
My prayers continue. May the Lord meet, and exceed, all your needs. He blesses faithfulness
LikeLike
thank you so much Rob for the prayers
LikeLike
Terry, sending hugs and love, I wish calm for you and the peace of mind, you have done all that is possible. Take care and know you have many unseen arms around you. Ann
LikeLike
bless you Rob
LikeLike
Prayers remain constant..is there anyway your daughter might be able to grab some groceries for you?
LikeLike
She would if she was here but she lives in another state. Thanks for the continuing prayers
LikeLike
I know you are scared. You are scared of running out of food. You are scared of what you are going to do when he goes. You are scared of the quiet.
It is only natural. They are waiting for him now. They are lining the roads waiting for him.
{{{{HUGS}}}}
LikeLike
I like the chair Terry, it’s not empty you know. You both have a friend who comes to sit and watch over you. Don’t be afraid. 🌹
LikeLike
thank you Al and Whispering. You both are right. I am afraid of my own shadow and I don’t know how to fix it
LikeLike
Breath normal and look for the light around the edges
LikeLike
thanks Al
LikeLike
May the good Lord bring you calmness within, strength to endure and a healing to your heart my friend. Als transition is nearly complete and he will be so free of pain and sickness. There he will smile down on you with great love and thankfulness for all you have done for him.Rest my friend when you can, keeping Al comfortable and know you are surrounded by love and caring. hugs
LikeLike
thanks, I just want to sleep all the time
LikeLike
I won’t offer you an platitudes this morning, Terry, because I’m sure you’ve heard it all by now. I will only say that you and Al continue to be in my thoughts and prayers as you endure this difficult season. Many blessings on you, my friend.
LikeLike
thank you so much Stephanie. Big hugs
LikeLike
This harsh cold and snow does nothing good for our spirits… and doubly so with you inside with an ailing brother…I have no problems to talk about… and it’s still gloomy…
roads are covered but, with Bobby driving…. will probably try and get to store for a few things…Stay warm…entertain yourself with a good movie…or blog a magnificent story…
cook something that will entice yourself and Al… best to you!
LikeLike
thanks so much Marilyn. I will take some of your yummy pudding!!!!
LikeLike
the previous bog post to you was from me…wouldn’t let me sign in for some reason!
LikeLike
ok, thanks for letting me know
LikeLike
The strength of the Lord is sufficient; lean on Him and do not try to do this in your own strength. Sending love your way….
LikeLike
Thanks AR, I am just nothing but a rattle brain today, don’t know what is the matter with me
LikeLike
You are entitled–rattle on 😉
LikeLike
Terry, am sending you my love, always…what you are feeling is normal, I found that I was never really ready to lose my brother, even though I wanted him to be free of the suffering of the disease….knowing doesn’t help…in fact it makes every single minute more precious, like gold…and every single minute heartbreaking and hard at the same time…my thoughts are with you, I still am holding your hand in mine and passing you my strength….love you Terry..
LikeLike
You are describing exactly how I feel. He has had labored breathing part of today, but now is sleeping calmly. He has eaten very little. Drinking is about the same as food
LikeLike
Also, if you have any Safeway Stores out there, they deliver, just order on the internet…
LikeLike
I checked, we don’t, wish we did
LikeLike
My heart hurts for you. Praying faithfully.
LikeLike
We need prayers more than anything else, unless it is food, lol, getting low and can’t get out
LikeLike
Is there anyone you can call?
LikeLike
I tried my son but he said the roads are too drifted
LikeLike
I work at a grocery store. You frequent the same one often in the town in which you live. Appeal to the store manager; call the store and ask to speak to him/her. The store I work for puts customer’s needs first. Surely an employee will shop and bring you food. You need this service and they will do their best to provide it. Reach out to your community like to are doing here. Don’t leave Al, his time here is obviously short. Keep repeating that you need to stay because he is in the process of dying and you are shut in. Although letting a loved one go is painful, there is an exquisite beauty about the process. I am sending you love and hugs to warm your soul. God has blessed you; this experience has shaped your life and Al’s. You have provided Al with unconditional love; God’s unwavering promise to us all. You are truly Al’s angel on earth.
LikeLike
thank you so much. I love your idea. I don’t know if they would do that here, but it is worth a try. Thank you so much. You are a wonderful friend to me
LikeLike
Terry.. this is really a hard time…. when there is nothing you can do except be there with him…I pray for peace for you and Al… With the worry of the weather maybe your son could help and get some groceries…. lean on and don’t be afraid to ask him…. Diane xoxo
LikeLike
I asked him but the roads are too drifted. I didn’t realize that was the case until later this morning
LikeLike
Maybe and hopefully he’ll come when he can…. Diane
LikeLike
My heart cries for you during this time. I will keep praying as we know that God has control and will provide for your needs.
LikeLike
thank you so much Linda
LikeLike
I am reaching out and hugging you. Angels walk with you and Al and comfort him on his journey to freedom.
LikeLike
thank you so much Granny
LikeLike
My sympathetic tears are with you.
LikeLike
thank you Mona
LikeLike
((Hugs))
LikeLike
thank you my friend
LikeLike
Your readers may be dotted around the world though I am sure we all want to offer you as much support as possible. I don’t think any words can give you release from the torture of watching Al and the fear you are experiencing If I had a magic word that would do the job I would send it a million times to you.
Please know I am thinking of you.
LikeLike
thank you so much Care. I really appreciate how kind you are
LikeLike
Thinking of you, you are in the right place , with Al! ♥
LikeLike
Thanks
LikeLike
Terry I am often the last to see your posts because of the time difference. I echo the sentiments expressed in each of the comments and send you and Al a bundle of love.
LikeLike
Wishing you and your brother all the best.
LikeLike
{Hugs} to you & Al.
LikeLike
hugs!!!
LikeLike