We Have Had Enough!


I feel sometimes, such as today, that I have let so many of you down. I read a lot of comments on how strong I am, and now I am leaning on medications to pick me back up. I realize now that it has been a long, tough road. I realize I am not Superwoman.superwoman

I am so thankful my friend is here, but am already wondering if she is getting tired of being here, or worse yet, bored. Going away to others place to visit is nice, but it isn’t home.

I guess I am just having one of those days. I didn’t sleep well last night. I counted on the caregiver being here today, but with the snow we received, I wasn’t surprised to hear from her she wasn’t coming.

The nurse didn’t come either and with the snow being so heavy this winter, I think I am just about like everyone else here in the Midwest. I am screaming inside, go away snow! We have had enough. Bring some warmth above 10 degrees and let us have a sample of Spring.

Al is basically the same except last night for the first time in days, he whispered to me. I was able to figure out what he wanted. It was a miracle? I don’t know how long it will last but it is nice while it last.

The big goose egg bump on  his head is no longer there. During the sleeping hours it opened up on its own. He has no new blisters which is a good thing. He is staying awake much more than he was.

It is like we are having a couple of days that are like earlier times in his illness. Reminds me of when I was about to deliver for my kids. Those few days before arrival of the baby, I had so much energy I did what ever I could cram into one day.

So like everyone around me, I am fidgety and restless. My car has set for so long that I now fear the tires will go low. It is a terrible car for driving on snow. So I am hoping and crossing my eyes and fingers on seeing a warmer day very soon.cat

31 thoughts on “We Have Had Enough!

  1. Come on princess dont worry about having to take medication,because without the help of the medication you would not have been able to care for Al as well as you have. I do not know what you suffer from but whatever it is you must be very careful not to make yourself ill.Please look after yourself Terry. You are such a wonderful sister and carer to your brother and he loves you so much for it.There are not many sisters that could or would have given up their time and effort into caring for AL as you have.You are without a doubt one of the most courageous and wonderfully kind and caring human beings i have ever known.What would AL have done without you. You are a very special lady and an example to us all.If everyone was like you what a wonderful world we would live in .Every one who cares for us who suffer with this inhumane ilness is a hero. Terry you have taken so much and worked so hard just hang on a little while longer the angels will come. May your god act soon and give you both blessed release.May he comfort you protect you and cradle you in his arms for all time just for being you . Michael.

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    • Your comment is beautiful Michael. I feel very blessed to have been a big part of Al’s life. I wouldn’t change a thing. What I suffer from is just plain old stress and being tired. It has been a long six years. Thank you for being so kind and give my love to your wife. Hugs

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  2. I am on medication to help me. I have been for years. It doesn’t stop me with what I do. I know without that medication, I would .. well, I wouldn’t be here. Don’t panic about it. If it’s what you need to help you get through this, and it is THE most difficult thing anyone can go through. Your friend is there because she wants to be.

    I agree wholeheartedly with Michael O Sullivan. You are a fantastic person. You are a wonder woman. There are not many who would do what you do for your brother. And we are all here to help you with prayers and kind words. We are not going to get fed up with them, don’t worry.

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  3. I once cared for a terminally ill relative, for much less time than you. By the end I had every sort of illness as I mentioned before. You can beat biology and stress makes you ill. Fact. Don’t think you are weak – you are human.

    Love to you both.

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  4. Because we ARE strong we forget to take care of ourselves.
    Because we CARE for our loved ones, they come first and we forget to take care of ourselves. Because we COMPARE our relative infirmities, we believe we are healthy and forget to take care of ourselves.
    So the STRONGEST thing we can do is say we need help.
    The most GRACIOUS thing we can do is accept help.
    and the HEALTHIEST thing we can do is take medications that help.

    You are not alone, I was just chewed out by the Neurologist and the PCP about taking care of me. The VA offers a week of respite and I was told to take it as soon as he is eligible again. He asked if he could go with mew on my respite LOL! I told him no, that’s not what respite is and yes I am going to have to harden my heart against those big brown eyes and send him off to “Adult Camp”.

    Don’t beat yourself up, you are strong, you are worn down and you are doing both a good job and a wonderful job.

    Susan

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    • you deserve the respite and actually it is good for the patient to have respite too from the caregivers!!!! You do as your told young lady. Take that break! But most of all, we, the strong? are the weakest in asking and accepting help

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  5. Hey Girlie… You ARE Wonder Women! Doing that by yourself… I am very impressed… I think I would of gone bonkers by now! It’s not like you have to stay on the meds… They are to help you threw a difficult time. Hey ask your friend if she has had enough and wants to go home… I am sure she will tell you???? Just tell her how grateful you are.. I am sure you have already told her a ton of times… Your not letting anybody down… We are here for your support… And very Happy to support you any way we can! 🙂 BIG HUGS!

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  6. Well those capes that super girl and wonder woman wore were not made for those of us in touch with reality<:)
    You are doing great and thank goodness you are with Al.
    He can feel your heart and soul and the love you have for him.
    He is blessed.
    Hugs

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  7. You are indeed a superwoman. For everyday you muster the strength to get out of bed, for everyday you post a blog, for everyday you care about someone else’s feelings and most of, for everyday you choose you and your health, you prove that you are a superhuman… Medication is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of doing what you need to do for your own health. Blessings and Gentle hugs…

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  8. Dear, Terry … don’t worry about us … worry about yourself first of all … no use that you are feeling guilty about not paying attention to us .. or posting as you normally do. Give yourself all the time you need to relax … and don’t force yourself to blogging when you don’t feel for it, because you think you let us down.
    No worries – we will be here when ever you have the urge and the time .. and the strength.

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  9. I’m gonna’ agree & with you on not being superwoman. That’s because she is fictional & you are the real deal. And – she ain’t got nothing on you. Just sayin’ it how it is. 😉
    {Hugs} to you
    {Hugs} to Al
    {Hugs} to your friend for being there with & for you

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