Hello my friends. Yesterday and last night Al was pretty calm. He is getting so many temperatures that we now use Tylenol on a regular basis starting after supper. The right side of  his face continues to swell, almost completely closing his one eye.

The nurse was here yesterday and the one caregiver who comes twice a week. Both stated that Al has had a large decline since last Friday. We are now holding down to a minimum his liquids and foods.

He eats one jar of baby food and a couple sips of liquid. He is silently aspirating so anything he eats or drinks goes directly to his lungs instead of his stomach. The nurse explained how the food and liquids are actually making him worse at this point.

I don’t carry any hope anymore for Al’s health. All that ends up happening is that I get more sad. For Al there will not be a cure in time and I finally came to the decision that I was hurting myself by believing something that wasn’t there.


The sun is bright

The air is cold

A foot of snow

The winter so bold


Inside my heart

It’s warm and beats

One look at Al

Makes my knees so weak


There are some times

I feel so strong

But others I feel so weak

And some the days so long


I need to breathe

In brand new air

The illness has to leave

So my soul I dare to bare


One day I know

I will awake

And life will start to change

I will feel so out of range


Al will be gone

And I will feel

My tears will weep

But we both will heal.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd


lake shadows


50 thoughts on “Change

  1. With you in spirit my friend, I pray for a release from this world for Al as quickly as possible…though I know the pain of losing him is deep and will get deeper, it is for the best, glad you can accept that and hope his suffering won’t last much longer.


  2. Praying for both of you to be granted release from this suffering. Lesson learned. You accepted. You are ready to allow this to happen in the proper timing. Know that you are in my thoughts and on my heart at all times. Much love to you both.


  3. Terry i hope you are ok ,i imagine you are worn out but please stick with it ,I hope you will gain release very soon.You must try and leave more of the work to the medicals they are there to help you and Al. As a sufferer of msa i know of the terrible pain that goes with everything else but i have watched you and watched my wife and have come to the conclusion that you the carers and loved ones,do suffer more than we the patients.Because we have the disability and pain and everything else but you work tirelessly to help and care for us because you love us yet you know there is no hope for us and we are certain to die yet you still keep on with the struggle for us.Never do you refuse or flinch at doing any task you are asked to do for us with great dignity and in turn let us keep ours .I loved Marilyn the moment i met her 42 years ago and will love her eternaly.Ithink my heart will break before this unholly thing kills me.She is so brave as are you ,the love and care you have shown your brother is a wonderful thing to see, you are a tremendous example to us all.Remember Angel ALwill love you until the end of time and will always be looking over you as you have done for him.You truly are a wonderful woman. Ihope that your and Als pain and suffering ends soon.Marilyn and I send our thoughts and hearts to you both. i hope your God takes Al into his arms and heals his pains, and protects and blesses you and helps to heal your aching heart. Michael.


    • It just rips me up inside to watch him trapped within his body. To know he may want to tell me something but can not. I pray constantly for a release for him. For Al to be free once again but in a better place. God just has to make this happen very soon for Al. Give my love to your wife. Hugs my friend


    • It is nice to be thought of, especially when the house is so quiet. My friend left this morning and the caregiver is gone, so your comment hit me at the perfect moment


    • Hello Yvonne. How are you? Yvonne, did you receive the message I sent you about my PayPal? The address is
      I hope you are doing well this evening. It is very quiet here. Sometimes I just hate too much quiet. My friend left this morning so I am feeling a void tonight. Hugs


  4. Pingback: Perspective: It Will Get You When You Least Expect It | The Amber Light's Blog

  5. terry rather than say you have given up hope it may be time to say your hope has changed. sometimes we have to reach that point where our hope is not for better health but for an easy passing.

    i so wish you did not have to go through this. i am sending love and big warm hugs for you and al.


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