Daily Prompt; I Did it My Way

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Post

Describe the one decision in your life where you wish you could get a “do-over.” Tell us about the decision, and why you’d choose to take a different path this time around.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us ITERATION.

The one do-over I would fix if I could go back is to look more at myself. I have a habit being good or bad of thinking of others before me.

There are drawbacks in doing this. I can carry fear of hurting someone’s feelings, forcing me to go against my own instincts. I can commit to things that I wish I would not have.

But on the flip-side I have touched many who have been in the bed with illness. I have made those smile who carry disabilities. I have let the lonely know I care.

But for me I have always had a weight problem. I believe my mother’s words were, I imagine your real mother fed you nothing but whole milk making you so heavy.

Those words were stamped on my soul, never letting me forget that in some ways I was a disappointment by not being thinner. I weighed more than the other children in elementary. By the time I was in high school I fit in better but still considered myself pudgy.

When I started having my babies they became my life. I loved them and enjoyed most minutes of their lives with them. Once again I put myself, my weight and my looks aside. I just enjoyed life I guess. I loved and still do love making precious memories.

After divorce hit, I lost a lot of weight, but I am still heavy. I often wonder if this is the reason I have no mate in my life, not sure, but maybe.

Now years later I am getting close to another birthday and this one is a biggie. I will be 60. Wow, that sounds old to me. Would I go back and change my life? Probably not. Did I make mistakes? Who doesn’t?

But for health and good habits maybe I would have taken just a few moments each morning I looked in front of the mirror and taken a good look at myself. Maybe I would weigh less than I do today.

I guess what really matters is how I feel about what I did with my life. Would I change that part;  the answer is no. I love my kids. I love being able to help others. Even though I haven’t done it lately, I love to sketch. I love photography. I love my friends. So all in all, life isn’t so bad after all. Who cares if I don’t fit into those size 3’s…some of us have to fit into those size larges, or the companies would go out of business!!!

God Helps In My Preparations For Al

With gentle nudges I have begun to prepare myself for the new beginning of Al’s life. His clothes are ready, his photos gathered.

I have realized that these are things I can do now. Later I will not be able to make decisions so easily so it is better to help myself now.

My friend left this morning and the caregiver is gone. I heard the silence ringing in my ears. It is yet to be a memory of days to come but at this moment it is real and as I walk into Al’s room I stand quietly beside him and look down into his empty eyes and my own tears well echoing what is about to come.

I sit beside him and I watch the silent body stare into space. I reach for his hand and a tremor of life lets me know he knows I am beside him. I talk to  him although he doesn’t stir, but I know he hears me.

I came back out here to the room and went over the two songs I have picked out for his funeral. It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth as I do this preparation work, but as I said before, it is better to do it now than later.

Last night I had been searching through songs on U-tube. I knew the one song already that I was going to use. It is familiar to so many. It is sung by Vince Gill. It is called Let There Be Peace On Earth.

I said a prayer as I was searching asking God to find me the perfect song. A song that would lift my brother to God. A song that would shine through in honor of how I felt and feel about him. Without hesitation God showed it to me.

I thought to myself, This is so beautiful, so perfect, it is so Al in every way.

Would you like to hear it? It is also sung by Vince Gill and called  Go Rest High On The Mountain.

 

 

The Fields Tell Me a Story

Yesterday brought smiles to my heart

Love flowed freely all around

Life could be no better

Babies on my hips

Bottles on the stove

Supper in the oven

Love flowed easily

Our covers always mussed

Then one day I seemed to notice

The quiet in the house

John buried under the oak tree

The kids all grown

I look out over the horizon

At the fields lined in a row

The wheat whispering softly

Echoing present and the past

I wait here gently rocking

Anxious  for noise to fill the air

And then I see the familiar color

Of the link I once had formed

Three smiling faces and waving hands

Coming to fill my space once again

With love, new memories to build

And I smiled to myself and the tears began to  fall

I am still alive I can feel my heart beating.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

02.12.2014

 

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Senior Moments and Me

Senior Moments and Me

Yep, you guessed it. This is the real me. The one who was happy to be getting out of the house…

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Senior Moments and Me

Yep, you guessed it. This is the real me. The one who was happy to be getting out of the house today for a while.

My friend and I went to run some of her errands, and then went  out to eat for lunch. We went to Ulta and a small shop that I have mentioned many times before, called Home Sweet Home.

It felt good to be out but what gave me the biggest laugh of all since my friend has been here was the Senior Moment at the local Post Office.

I just have to tell you and yes, I got her permission to share the funny story.

We started off by her needing to go to the bank to get money to send to two of her friends. One was retiring and the other was having a birthday. She gets her money and then we head to the post office.

Of course she and I are chatting and not really paying too much attention to anything but the cars on the road. We go through the drive-thru at the postal center and she takes the two envelopes and places them in the mail slot.

Then she looks at me and she says something I have never heard in my 39 years of knowing her. She said, Son of a _____! Of course I stopped talking immediately and with big eyes I asked her what had happened.

She stated she had put those two envelopes in the drop box without the funds and had not even sealed them in the end. So there we were, sitting in the mail parking lot trying to figure out a way to get out of this.

I felt helpless and she was mad as all get out at herself. I think she even referred to herself as being so darn stupid!!! Finally she gets out and stomps in to the lobby and nicely and with a smile tells the workers what silly thing she had done.

Well luck be with her, the postal worker took her out to the loading area and unlocked the box and my friend reached in and retrieved the two envelopes. My friend deposits her gifts into the envelopes and licks and seals them tight.

Instead of taking them and dropping them once again into the big blue box, the postal worker takes them out of her hand and tells her she will just take them inside and put them in their rightful spot.

I tell you that was the nicest hint I ever heard. The postal lady could have said,  hey lady, you already proved you are having a Senior Moment, so let’s not make the same mistake twice.

When my friend was back in her driver’s seat I sat there and laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Not all, but a lot of tension that had been building up just let loose like a laughing hyena.

We continued on our journey and enjoyed our lunch and our shopping. I have great memories of her past two weeks, but as I said all good things must come to an end. Tomorrow bright and early she will be heading back to her home.

She may come back or depending on the snow, she will hopefully be here when that day comes that Al goes to heaven.