With gentle nudges I have begun to prepare myself for the new beginning of Al’s life. His clothes are ready, his photos gathered.
I have realized that these are things I can do now. Later I will not be able to make decisions so easily so it is better to help myself now.
My friend left this morning and the caregiver is gone. I heard the silence ringing in my ears. It is yet to be a memory of days to come but at this moment it is real and as I walk into Al’s room I stand quietly beside him and look down into his empty eyes and my own tears well echoing what is about to come.
I sit beside him and I watch the silent body stare into space. I reach for his hand and a tremor of life lets me know he knows I am beside him. I talk to him although he doesn’t stir, but I know he hears me.
I came back out here to the room and went over the two songs I have picked out for his funeral. It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth as I do this preparation work, but as I said before, it is better to do it now than later.
Last night I had been searching through songs on U-tube. I knew the one song already that I was going to use. It is familiar to so many. It is sung by Vince Gill. It is called Let There Be Peace On Earth.
I said a prayer as I was searching asking God to find me the perfect song. A song that would lift my brother to God. A song that would shine through in honor of how I felt and feel about him. Without hesitation God showed it to me.
I thought to myself, This is so beautiful, so perfect, it is so Al in every way.
Would you like to hear it? It is also sung by Vince Gill and called Go Rest High On The Mountain.
Who I am 
That’s beautiful Terry. Thinking of you friend xo
LikeLike
Hello my friend. Thank you for a nice comment. I thought it was perfect
LikeLike
Terry sorry i havent been in touch but ive not had a good time lately.Ihope AL is resting better to give you some rest.You have given youre heart and youre care and all the love anyone can possibly give.You have to think of youre own health to,please take care.I was reading about Als hallucinations.When i am awake and things are quiet , i have many visitors whom i do not know,but they pass by me in spirit form and smile even a black dog has come to see me .This happens quite regularly to me no one else can see them.I do not know if it is an hallucination or not or if it is part of this thing inside me or if they are caused by taking so much medication but to me they are real and so they must be for AL.You know that i am on the fence about God etc .I think i may find out for myself soon.There is so much suffering and pain in this world which you have gone through personaly as has ALyour friends and family, and millions of others in this cruel world including children who have never harmed anyone .why are they made to suffer.Iam not afraid of spirits or apparitions.Iam not afraid of dieing as this is a certainty.The pain this thing causes me is immoral and horrific .when youre muscles all over youre body do exactly as they want and you cant speak enough to tell anyone you just writhe in agony and hope for it to end but it goes on until it wants to end.How is it we can no longer use our arms legs mouth or brains properly no one knows and it is left to wonderful people like you Terry and my wife Marilyn.to calm us love us and care for us as much as you can.Ihope youre brothers pain and suffering ends soon and that youre God is there with you to help and comfort you .You are good people and do not deserve this We are there in thought and our hearts are wiyh you both always Michael…
LikeLike
My dear Terry ….. God will b there with you when the time comes! Strength …. will b there in the hard times!! Hugs!! ❤️
LikeLike
Hello Dr. Rex. Yes, God will be with me. When life is silent, I sense him the most. Hugs my friend
LikeLike
Tight hugs back!!!! Terry ….
LikeLike
Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Prayers sent!!!
LikeLike
Ohh thank you so much for reblogging this my dear friend
LikeLike
Need prayers from all over!!!
LikeLike
Take a look here, dear Terry ……
http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2014/02/12/at-the-end-of-the-day-212/
LikeLike
I especially love “Go Rest High.” I’m glad you’re able to do this now, Terry, Praying, praying.
LikeLike
I had to do it sometime, better now than later I think. Thanks my friend for prayers
LikeLike
what a beautiful song.
LikeLike
Thanks Patty, are you ready for Spring?
LikeLike
Oh yea!! Another 6 inches today maybe more, I am sure we have over 15 inches total since that nasty ground hog “saw his shadow”! 😉 grrrrr I am sure you have much more than we do…stay warm – prayers are always with you.
LikeLike
Yes we do, but next week in the high thirties and maybe forties!!!!
LikeLike
same here – we are going to get spoiled!
LikeLike
Very beautiful & touching.
{Hugs} to you & Al
LikeLike
Hi RoSy, thanks, I thought it was so perfect
LikeLike
Pingback: At the end of the day ….. | It Is What It Is
Could not be more perfect. Of course it brought tears to my eyes but they were happy tears for the both of you. Glad to hear you are coming to terms with the reality and finality of what is ahead.
God bless you and wrap his loving arms around you both.
((HUGS))
LikeLike
Hi Linda, I cried too when I heard it the first time. In fact now when ever I hear it a tear drips, but just one. I just hate crying, it gives me headaches. LOL
LikeLike
Hi Terry, I haven’t been writing on my blog too much, but I have been reading. I make sure I read your blog, I am always praying ,and will continue to pray for you and Al. That song is perfect it saids it all. I know preparing is hard that is something I need to do with my mom. She’s in the Nursing Home ,and we are having problems with her not wanting to eat. I believe she’s tired, she has dementia , and the doctor saids this is what happens ,so hard to see your love one suffer I know.
LikeLike
I know what you mean. I feel guilty for thinking ahead. Making choices on songs and getting his clothes out makes me feel like I am thinking he is already gone, but then I tell myself I have to do it, so it will be easier now than before the tears
LikeLike
The song is absolutely perfect and I am in floods of tears for you my friend. Love, love love you
LikeLike
I am glad you like it. It was unknown to me but already I know every word from memory. Love and hugs to you dear friend
LikeLike
Terry – You are wrapped in God’s love as you continue this courageous journey with Al. You’ve stayed when so many others would have fled. Bless you.
LikeLike
Hi Sheri, thank you for the comment, but more important, how are you doing?
LikeLike
Terry,
It is very wise you are preparing for the funeral now. The Lord is blessing! By the way the song is beautiful that is for sure. Lord bless you with strength and wisdom. My prayers continue.
LikeLike
Thanks Rob. Even though I know it is better to do it now, it makes me feel awkward as I know he is in the next room lying in bed. Makes me feel as though I am pushing him out of here and believe me, I am not wanting him to go. I just know he needs to go to be healed
LikeLike
Beautiful choices, Terry.
LikeLike
Thanks, I thought it was so perfect
LikeLike
Terry so glad you are preparing as you are. The song is beautiful…did you know that Vince Gill wrote this song for his brother when he passed? It has been used at many many services because it says what so many feel at that time. We played it at my daughters service as well. God grant you strength but most of all comfort my friend. Big hugss
LikeLike
I didn’t know that, in fact I had never heard it before. Now you say even you played it at your daughter’s funeral, I learn this is a popular song for times like this. Thanks for letting me know. Hugs
LikeLike
A beautiful song Terry. I know it is a difficult time for you, but it is the right thing to do by sorting it out now
LikeLike
Yes, it is hard but as you said, it is the right thing to do. Thanks my friend
LikeLike
Oh Terry…I admire your strength and serenity as you make these preparations. You have chosen beautiful songs, and I know Al appreciates your constant comforting presence in these final days of his life, even if he can’t say so. You are both in my thoughts. Sending you love and peace, dear Terry.
LikeLike
Good evening Stephanie. Thank you for liking my choice of songs. I can tell by the tremors in Al’s hand as I hold it that he knows I am here with him
LikeLike
I so look forward to relief for you and Al.
LikeLike
A few months ago I could not have truthfully agreed with you, but now, yes, I do look forward to Al’s relief from this nightmare we are living. Thank you Mona! hugs
LikeLike
Love the song of Vince Gill…written for his brother who passed …if i remember right…perfect!
LikeLike
Yes it was and thank you!!
LikeLike
You are good to try and sort out things now. Beautiful findings, God will always help you, as we also pray for you and Al.
LikeLike
Yes, I figure it will be easier now when I can think more clear. Thank you for so many prayers. I appreciate them
LikeLike
Terry, God will bless you for all you have done for your brother. He knows your pain right now and he is with you. I know I keep telling you that but God’s presence is the answer to everything.
LikeLike
God is aware and in charge of everything. This is good because I am certainly not able to do this alone. hugs Cathy
LikeLike