http://dailypost.wordpress.com, Daily Prompt, DP
Do you thrive under pressure or crumble at the thought of it? Does your best stuff surface as the deadline approaches or do you need to iterate, day after day to achieve something you’re proud of? Tell us how you work best.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us PRESSURE.
Odd that this is the prompt for today. I was actually considering blogging about the pressure and then backed down from it in order not to accidentally bring down anyone else.
The weekend was the worst. Today is even more so. The pressure is on because listening to a family member tell you they are unloved, unworthy, a piece of crap, a zombie, is something that can rip up a family member’s heart.
I have been unzipped. My heart is wide-open. The tears started first thing this morning for Al and then I followed in his step. Listening to him is just about more than I can deal with. To know these are his true feelings, whether it is the low oxygen or not, he still believes it at the moment he is saying it.
I would say my nerves are shot so early in the day. I feel like a hose ready to explode, but I have to keep it together for his sake.
Who I am 
I was just about to go to bed but wanted to check you guys first – okay it is still bigtime horrible for you and Al and I do not understand this – please know how much love I am sending you guys!
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Thank you Julie, big hugs to you
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Nononononon! I do not believe for one tiny moment that this is the wal Al truly feels. He’s dying, Terry, His brain is no longer “normal,” whatever that meant for him. He is no speaking truth because he is not cognitively aware of what is coming out of his mouth.
Listen, my friend. My mom was a godly woman who loved people and loved the Lord. Before she died, she was saying things and behaving in ways that were totally uncharacteristic of her. She gave grief to all of us, was very angry at times and even used some language I’ve NEVER heard come out of her mouth. She even deliberately messed herself at one point and then stood up beside her bed and undid her diaper, making a mess that took three workers to clean up.
My point: She was not herself. The body systems, including the brain, were shutting down. Please, it’s important for you to understand this is not the real Al. Don’t let these last days become your memory of who he was before this all started. He loves you. He’s told you that over and over. That’s what you hang on to.
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I have seen what you have described so many times with my patients but with Al I never saw it. I don’t think I see him the same as a patient. I am not at all surprised that your mother did what she did. The stories I could tell you about the Ministers I have cared for!!!
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Oh, I’m sure! My dad said some pretty crazy stuff when he was dying, and he was a pastor 🙂
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I too don’t believe that these are Al’s true feelings…he adores you as you adore him. It’s hard to hear all of this I’m sure, but please remember that as his body slows, takes in less and less, his thoughts will be less lucid and certainly less indicative of what is in his heart.
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You are probably right Mimi. I am going to keep repeating your words to myself when ever he is acting out. Thanks
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Terry, I can understand you take things to heart – but has Al said those things to you ???? Or is it somebody else??? The main thing is what you are and what you do … for Al – just now. Thinking of you!
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I guess it is not Al saying those things. It is someone else inside his body. Hope you are doing well
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Keeping you & your dear brother in my prayers.
{Hugs} to you
{Hugs} to Al
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Thanks Rosy
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I’m also sure Al’s true feelings are very different to what he said today. I can imagine how hard is this for you. Praying for both of you.
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It is Olga but after everyone explained I realize this is not Al talking
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So sad Terry. Try to play back to yourself your recollections of all the wonderful things and expressions of appreciation you have heard when he was still in control of his mind/speech etc. Hugs to you sweetie…Praying for peace and comfort!
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Thanks Linda. So hard when you see the multiple changes that a person has to go through in order to enter heaven’s doors
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You know this isn’t Al – you’ve known that for a long time. Keeping telling your heart that Terry. Much love and prayers your way as always. K
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