I Am Just Plain Pooped Tonight

A very special person who was in Al’s life came to visit him early this evening. Although he didn’t say much I knew by his eyes he liked having her here. I was happy for him and I heavily thanked her for stopping by.

Rhino, the cat has been acting so weird today. This morning he was pacing the hall way. He would go to Al’s room then to the hall and back to Al’s room. He would act like he was going to sit down and then back in Al’s room he would go. I got up and went in to see where he was at but couldn’t see him. This was around 7 this morning so with the time change it was dark in there somewhat.

I stepped farther into the room to get a better look at Al and suddenly Rhino appeared at the corner of Al’s bed. He stared at me for a second and then hissed at me. I quickly looked at Al to make sure he was breathing and then backed out of the room. Rhino didn’t follow me like he would normally do.

Then when my friend woke up she went in to see Al and Rhino was guarding the door way. She stepped back out and the cat stared her down as if saying get back! For the rest of the day Rhino has been sleeping, so I don’t know what that was all about.

Al has this wonderful nurse who had come out last night to change Al’s catheter. I really felt bad for her. To have to attempt this project not knowing what was on the inside of that tubing, had to make her a little nervous, or it would have me. She was so gentle with Al and talked to him during the process.

She did her best to do a fantastic job and I give her big kudos for what she did. But when I saw all the blood this morning on his legs I got worried. It was when Hospice made me think this was such a normal thing for what had happened and didn’t make me feel like it was worthy of checking him out that I blew my stack.

That wonderful nurse came out today on her day off and took care of Al. It brought huge comfort to me that she cared. She is a fairly new nurse and I hope that as time goes on she always keeps that compassion she has now. Thank-you R. for always being here for Al and me no matter what.

Al is still seeping blood tonight and there is blood in the catheter bag. I am keeping a good eye on it, you can count on this. If it starts to speed up or gets worse in any way, I will be aggressive with my voice again or do what I have to do to make him as comfortable as possible. To others I may seem like the biggest pain in the butt, but I am Al’s advocate, his voice. He was and is hurting and I am here to make sure he doesn’t suffer anymore than he has to. One day my voice will quiet, and the world will know that Al is finally in heaven, but for now, just call me big mouth.

The care giver is gone and my friend has gone home. The house is very quiet right now as Al is finally asleep and not moaning nor crying. I may not get a Hospice visit tomorrow or a care giver as the weather forecast for midnight until tomorrow is a weather storm warning with four to nine inches. I am so sick of the snow I could just hide under my bed covers until I see that first Robin of the Spring.

The weather man said that Saturday we may see more snow but no predictions of snow amounts yet. When is it going to stop? Tomorrow evening we will once again be in the single digits over night; a big four degrees. It has been a long, long winter with 109 inches of snow and it isn’t done yet. Along with the maddening changes of Al and his illness I really need to see a flower blooming.