A Pimple Ready to Pop

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Saturday Al went into a new chapter I had never been through. With all the years of experience, not once have I heard this. The sad thing is it is driving me absolutely crazy.

Let’s call it the hum. The moan or groan. He sometimes can be understood, but only sometimes. I asked him last night who he was talking to and he said God, so I said this is wonderful.

He has continued throughout these days with the same thing. I feel like I have nowhere to turn anymore. Hospice can’t seem to help. The Hospice minister said he had not heard this done before.

It is still happening today. Al woke up at seven and he started it immediately. He did tell the bath girl that she needed to check his mail box. He told me once that he was going to spill  his eggs from the basket if I didn’t take them from him.

He told the bath girl to put the Playboy channel on TV. I know we have it because I have seen it surfing through the movie guide; but we have no subscription to it.cavereteggsmailbox

I just don’t know how to cope with it now. It is from morning to night. He did eat a few bites of sherbet last night and this morning he asked for more. He ate a small bowl.

Is this the way it is going to be? No sleep, no rest? Me having to go hide in my room to escape the constant noise? Am I being a mean sister by not being more tolerable?

Next week Al and I won’t have a caregiver all week. I know in my heart that I can’t take care of him alone. There is supposed to be a respite week now for him and me. He will be going to a local nursing home from Monday-Friday. He will come home  sometime on that Friday and then I will be taking care of him alone until Monday morning arrives.

A big part of me is very nervous about letting him go. He is so fragile. No one will know him. Maybe his moans will cause them to take less care of him. It is a constant struggle for me.

I curse myself because I have Diabetic Neuropathy in my hands. This is the biggest reason I can not care for him alone that many days. The other part of me tries very hard to realize that Angels and God will watch over him. I have to trust the heavens more than anything now.  I realize and I will go see him more often than not.angels1trust4

I have been praying like crazy that God will take Al home before next Monday gets here. I guess I just don’t want the added worry on top of everything else we go through.

crossed fingersLife is good right? God is real, right? I have a chance to have Monday afternoon, all day Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and part of Friday to rest up, laugh again, relax, and recompose myself. So what is the problem? Why is everything getting to me now? Is the moaning  the icing on the cake?

49 thoughts on “A Pimple Ready to Pop”

  4. Why if I may be so rude to ask is he going to nursing home M-F ? This makes no sense to me. I know you have a hard time taking care of him but is it wise for him to be jostled back and forth like that? Maybe he should just styay there or stay with you? Just doesn’t sound good to me but what do I know. hugs and prayers for you both.

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    • I have the same concerns Len, but my hands will not let me move him and do the things that need to be done for him for seven days in a row. I am not just able. There is no other help. I have no choice

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      • I understand that completely Terry, is there some reason that hospice isn’t coming for that week? God knows if there is anyone that needs respite from caregiving it is you, you have been an inspiration to many with your posts about caring for Al. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t being forced to place him in the home. Hugs
        p.s. sorry if I tend to be blunt sometimes I don’t really mean to be just hard to convey the emotion across the lines of cyberspace.

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      • There could be Hospice here next week but they are only here a total of three hours per week. I would still have to help with bathing since the main bath girl won’t be here. All the other hours in those days would be my responsibility. Turning him over constantly, anything he would need. I just wouldn’t have near enough help. I hope you understand. I am concerned about moving Al also. This is why I pray so hard that God takes him before next Monday

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  5. God is real, for sure! So sorry to hear of the struggle you describe here, Terry. Going to share a quote I like: God is rarely early, but He’s never late. Hope it encourages you, even just a little. Hugs.

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  6. Sweetie you can not do this alone and allowing him to be some place where there there will be more help when he needs it is an act of love, the greatest act of all.
    Take this time to relax and get your emotional strength back.
    You are not being a mean sister and you have walked this path longer, and further than anyone else could have.
    You need a break and this is a break you are taking for Al’s good.
    Hugs.

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    • Thank you for understanding. It is now 630 pm and Al has not stopped today. He has hallucinated, moaned and groaned non stop. If I had one blonde hair that wasn’t grey before, it is now. This is four days in a row of this

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  7. God puts door for us to open in our path and when we say God does no give us more than we can handle, we need to also look at the doors he opens for us to open when we need to be refreshed and need healing ourself.
    Make sure you look at these doors and see what God has set on your path to comfort and help us.
    Hugs and prayers

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  10. Terry,
    On occasion, my husband moans/hums sometimes awake and sometimes asleep. I literally have to sleep on the couch and turn a fan on to somewhat drown it out. I hate doing this but I need rest to work and care for him. No one knows or understands how very draining it is except another caregiver. People say they know and understand but that is nothing but words to me. I worry nonstop about Stan and I pray for a breakthrough on this horrendous disease. Please take and rest as much as possible, eat ice cream and breathe….you need this to build your strength back as it is a hard path we travel.

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    • I know exactly what you are saying. I just hate it when people say they understand. It sounds nice but they don’t really get it. They leave, they go home. We remain 24/7. My nerves are about shot by now as this is the fourth day of constant moaning. Thanks for commenting. It somehow brought some inner peace to me

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  12. Prayers for you both. Take care of yourself while Al is away. You need to maintain your strength and your health too.

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  13. As hard as it is for you to let Al go to the Nursing home, It may be a good thing besides you getting a little rest! They may see more what is going on and maybe able to get you the stuff you need like different medications to calm the hums…. So the concerns you have (beside help) with Hospice the facility can help you get it if you talk to them. And you do need a break! Even if you are sitting at the facility, it is a change of scenery. (hopefully the doctor will see him there!)

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    • Wouldn’t that be amazing if the doc finally met Al??? LOL, I could never write scripts on a patient I had never met. I guess when you say it like this, it could benefit both of us. So I need to lay those worries to rest. Thanks Tobi. You are terrific!

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  14. Take that opportunity for rest and refreshing yourself. Without that rest you are burning both of your out. Perhaps he may enjoy a change of scenery as well. In the meantime, do you have an ipod with ear buds (or just ear phones) to play music and block out the moans. You can still check on him periodically but at least if you can replace the moans with some awesome inspirational music it could be so much better.
    Praying for the best for you both. God is in charge, try to relax and take it as it comes…and that includes the rest you can get next week.
    ((HUGS))

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    • Yes, I do have headphones but I thought the opposite. I thought what if I can’t hear him. I tried turning up the TV but it drove me nuts as I had to turn it up too far! I will try what you said, Thanks Linda. big hugs

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  15. Such difficulties heaped upon other difficulties. It’s a good thing that you will have a respite. Try to rest when you are given this opportunity. The worry never leaves, but sleep covers it in darkness for a few hours.

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  17. After thinking about it, i do remember this with someone i knew…he would do these groans and hmmms and yes, say some very unusual things. talked about the same type of things. he didn’t live long after that- wasn’t more than a month or so. the hmming would be both random and responsive. not sure what it really meant other than the man did have some dementia…

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