Blogging Friends, Facebook Friends, Family


I have had so many well wishers for my birthday today. For this I will always be grateful. My brother used to celebrate my special day with me. He would purchase my birthday dinner and then remind me how much he spent on it when it came time for me to buy his birthday dinner.

Yet there is a part of me that is suffering emotionally. Instead of each day getting better it isn’t. Instead of the many conversations between bloggers and Facebook, I continue to cry. coca cola flag

Ever since Saturday arrived and I somehow came to the shocking conclusion that Al really isn’t coming back, I have been a piece of a limp,wet rag. Crying for many reasons, but crying for my own loss of what once was here in my home.

You have all been so kind. I feel guilt as I realize I have not snapped out of this mood and continued to move forward yet. I do have a few good days, and I am very grateful for this, but these past few days have just been horrible.

Please be patient with me. I am trying very hard to comment on blogs. I am trying to smile. I am trying not to cry. I am trying to show you I have not forgotten you. I am trying to get through. I will get better. This will get easier, I promise, if you can just stay with me.

I Remember

 

I know what once was

I remember it all so clear

When I took care of you

My little brother dear

And now these nice people

And you from up above

Are looking out for me

And sending all this love.

Love you brother,

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

Your sis

4.21.2014

 

I know in my heart I will never walk alone. Thank-you, each of you, for being here for me as I stumble this rocky path called life.

37 thoughts on “Blogging Friends, Facebook Friends, Family

  1. Your special day can still be cherished
    Many are the thoughts you can share
    While one is painfully missing this time
    So many others can show they care.

    You will heal when the time is right
    Whatever we can do to help we will
    Just know that the shoulder is offered
    That we offer our prayers of hope still.

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  2. Terry, my dear. Would you please put down your rubber hammer now, and quit beating up on yourself? You are still very new in the grieveing process, and you’ve had to cope with a holiday and a birthday so soon after Al’s death. Never mind getting used to his not being in his room, to your not having to spend every minute of your day caring for him/thinking about him.

    Grief takes a lot of time. You’re doing just fine. You will have good days, bad days, and horrible days. All normal But you’re right–you WILL get better. Slowly, steadily, with relapses. All normal.

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  3. dearest Terry, you will continue to cry, for quite some time, its normal. It lessens eventually, over many months, sometimes years. The loss of Al is painful, missing him will always be with you, and there is no right or wrong time to move on. After almost a year now -July – I am still grieving for my brother, there are days that I cry and I’m not sobbing anymore but there will be some random day where the tears just begin leaking from my eyes and down my face and nothing I can say to myself stops it – it just is. Apparently the pain needs to find its way out of my body and soul every so often, to release it. Don’t worry so much Terry, I am here for you, we all are, and so many of understand what you are going through now. I have not been the same since my brother’s journey started, I am no longer the same person that I was before he became ill, and right now I don’t know if I ever will be. People do notice and do comment on it in an effort to help, but I don’t have any real explanation for them, like I said, it just is. Hugs to you Terry…

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  4. First, blessings for a wonderful birthday. Second, I think if you weren’t going through this, we would worry more! Grief comes and goes; more coming especially when the person who has gone on was right there with us. Do not feel guilty–share your story my friend. We are here with you, even at a distance. You deserve every tear, which the Lord gathers to His bosom; you have been so strong for so long. Rest, cry, beat a pillow. Scream. Let it out… {hugs!!}

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  5. It will be difficult for you for a while yet Terry. You will get through it though, you are strong even if you don’t feel it at the moment. Your birthday is going to feel odd, but next year’s should be much easier for you.

    Best wishes for your birthday today

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  6. Terry – you are moving forward – even if YoU don’t see it. and the crying – well, it’s too soon to move past all that. Grieving takes a while and it comes and goes. It will lessen but it will still come and go. No pressure and you owe no apologies. YOUR grief is exactly that – YOURS. No apologies, no excuses – you take your time. Hugs.

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  7. Terry, Happy birthday ! I have been out of the loop some. My dear friend, u will get there. U have been through so much but have been the inspiration for many. Take some time to deal with it all. We understand. And God ? He knows ur heart and how much you love your brother and your dedication to him. He will give you what you need to wake up one morning and give u peace. Lean on Jesus

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  8. It takes time to grieve. There is no way to rush to the other side. Take one day at a time and one day you will realize it is getting easier. When you can do other things, do them. And when you need to cry, then just cry. No apologies. It is your grief and you have to do what is right for you. So many of us are praying for you along the way. Peace, and Happy Birthday!

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  9. Happy Birthday Terry! 🙂

    Take your time with your emotions & be patient with yourself. There’s no set time period for how you are supposed to feel or when. Just take things one day at a time.
    Draw a happy face & tape it to your bathroom mirror. And – every-time you look at it – you will see a smile.
    {Hugs}

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  10. Terry, birthday blessings to you! Praise God for a new year. Good things are coming your way my friend. And there is nothing wrong with grieving – and certainly with not keeping up with part of blogging. One day at a time 🙂 Hugs.

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    • Thanks Brian. It feels so good to know I have support in my favor. It is a time thing I think, a one day at a time. Thanks for understanding. Thanks for the birthday wishes! hugs

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  11. I wanted tot let you know I am no longer on face book and simply do not have the time with hubbys health declining the way it is since this last stroke. I am only here on WP now.

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    • As long as I am able to talk to you, I don’t care which one you are at. lol. If there is any way I can be of any help please let me know. I hate knowing that you are in the same position I once was. Love and hugs my friend

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  12. Terry Shepherd you STOP IT RIGHT NOW! you have every right to ride the grief roller coaster! Losing someone you love is the hardest thing in the world to deal with in life. Your grief is so new and raw you will ride the waves feeling them washing over you everyday for the rest of your life the tide will ebb and flow, and right now it is like a tsunami so just ride it out and know it is perfectly normal and we are all here for you. You will make it by waking each morning and thanking God for the time you had with Alvin, hang on to that blessing Terry knowing you cared and loved for him better than most would do and he knew it. You are a strong woman but it is okay to weaken under this mantle of grief right now, cry when you need to for tears wash the soul and cleanse the heart. Love you friend

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    • I thought I was to get over it pretty quick. I don’t know why, maybe because he was not a spouse. Maybe it is not right to feel so much pain for a sibling. But I needed you to tell me these things. I need to continue to know it is alright to cry and mourn until I am much better. Thank you so much for giving me this permission

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    • Thank you so much my friend. Because I am so used to sharing my birthday with Al, the day was not very good. I still struggle but I am having some smiles more now

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