Well, I did it. I got through the million questions. She asked, I cried and answered.So much brought back again. I listened to you, my friends. You cheered me on. You told me I could do it. Al even told me he would be here with me emotionally. I clung to those words as she asked things like, ” How did he die? Did he have MSA? How many years did you care for him? Why did you place him in a nursing…
Standing in a crowd
No room to turn about
I notice the lights
As your body turns up and out
I catch your eye
You look my way
And we become our prey
Standing side by side
We feel each others heat
I spin you around
Then you lie at my feet
I reach out and touch
The silk of your hair
You rise up to me
And I want to take you there
Fingers grasp and lock
Feet begin to move
I want to feel you baby
I want to find the groove
Walking past the crowd
Who stands along the sides
We disappear from sight
Tonight will be the night
The room is lit by sparks
Chill is replaced by heat
The two of us together
Now moving to the beat.
Well, I did it. I got through the million questions. She asked, I cried and answered. So much brought back again. I listened to you, my friends. You cheered me on. You told me I could do it. Al even told me he would be here with me emotionally. I clung to those words as she asked things like, ” How did he die? Did he have MSA? How many years did you care for him? Why did you place him in a nursing home?” It went on and on.
Hospice promised they would stay in touch with me after Al’s funeral. The last time I saw or heard from them, was his funeral. I am so thankful that my daughter took me home with her and her family.
I am so thankful for my daughter-in-laws, Heather and Kristin for taking out of their family time and spending time with me. I am so thankful for Peggy and Sue, who have made me get out of this house.
Oh Lord, I am so thankful for all of my blogging friends, my Facebook friends. You don’t know how much I have counted on all of you. I thank Shona for picking me up off the floor emotionally and telling me I can do this.
When I am here in the house alone my heart spills out on to the floors. When the silence comes at night and the lights go out, the sense of Al not being here is extreme.
With all of your help I am able to get through each day. I am having more minutes that are calm, which must mean I am slowly healing.
Please, if you have a family member or friend, or someone you think about and tell yourself you need to give them a call, don’t hesitate. You never know when you may not have that chance.
For me, I knew Al wasn’t going to be here forever. I got that chance to say everything to him I ever wanted to. We were able to do so many things together when the illness was in its lighter stages.
So many of us don’t get these warnings. Instead we get a phone call in the middle of the night. Or we hear about it elsewhere. Take a moment my friends, and thank God and your lucky stars that you have people in your life. I know I do it each and every day.
I don’t know what has been wrong with me the past couple of days but I have been tired and a little jittery. When I go out in public I tend to go into panic mode. I find myself wanting to go go home where I am safe;even though I accepted the invitation to go to an outing.
I find a few of those dizzy spells are coming back. Sleep helps. Last night I actually went to bed by 9. I don’t think I have done that in years. After chatting on Facebook I actually turned out the lights and went to sleep.
I woke up at 2am. I watched TV for a few minutes then went back to sleep. I woke up at 6:30 this morning still feeling tired. I figure I had too much sleep now. I am a little on edge already. It upsets me. I want to just shake it loose. I want to smile and giggle.
Maybe knowing a lady is coming here at 9 this morning is the culprit. She is cominng to ask questions about Al and how he died. I was told she had to do this according to State laws so Al can be considered legally gone from this earth and his case can be permanently closed.
Permanently closed? Deceased and gone? Case closed? I put her off already for a couple of days but now I have to do this. I wish I did not have to endure this alone. It makes me feel like I am preparing to go to his funeral again. Well guess I will finish my coffee and go take a shower.