You All Were Here For Me


It has been since March 24th since my brother passed. All of you have been so kind to me during this healing time. When I look at the date it seems I should be much farther along.

I cling to your remarks, such as it takes time, don’t rush it, it is part of the grieving process. They help me so much. But I am getting tired of only feeling like I think of Al mainly.

My dad used to say, you are boring it into the ground.

I feel like this is what I am becoming. A sister, caregiver who just doesn’t quit. Maybe like the energizer battery bunny.bunny

We all know I am missing him, and we all know that I am trying to move on, but I have not made it yet.

I don’t want to lose my blogging friends and so apart from writing about Al’s book or adding a photo I take, I will give up my short stories for a while.

You all take care, know that I love you and couldn’t have made it this far without you. When I feel like I have more to offer you in reading stories that you won’t get tired of, I will be back.

35 thoughts on “You All Were Here For Me

  1. Just remember your blog is yours to do with as you please, Terry. If you think it’s most helpful for you to keep writing and posting online during your grief, then please, keep doing so. Take your time, write what helps you feel better, and just know your friends out here will be around. On the other hand, if you think a break from writing your stories is what you need, then do take it. Most importantly though, take care of yourself. Take a breather from putting any pressure on yourself over this blog♥ ♥ ♥

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  2. We are friends forever and don’t you ever forget that. Take care of yourself and by all means keep in touch. You are a real sweetheart and definitely a “keeper”.

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  3. Terry you are not boring and it is good to write here about your feelings and Al. It is part of your grief. Don’t worry if you have a bit of a break. Sending you much love and many comforting hugs. Love you and care about you Terry! Keep your strength up!

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  4. I get every post via email and I read every single one of them. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in expressing how you feel. Your writings don’t bore me for one. It only tells me what you’re going through. I also kind of think that your writing is quite therapeutic for you in that it gives you some form of release. A problem shared is half-solved don’t they say? Please, do what you have to do and take very good care of your self always. Hugs.

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  5. Sending love your way! And remember: you don’t have to do this alone. Check your area for bereavement classes. My mom starts attending one tonight to help her through her experience of losing someone close…

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  6. Terry, a word of advice. Don’t make other people’s decisions for them. We are all adults. If we want to read what you post, don’t take away that chance. If no one is telling you that you’re boring, then you aren’t boring anyone. If one person says that they are going to take a break from reading for a while, that’s their choice. But the rest of us are still watching for your posts. Not because we’re looking to be entertained, but because we care. You need to take as long as it needs to take for you to feel like you’re ready to move on. No one can predict how long that will take, and frankly, it’s no one’s business but yours. So don’t lose touch with those of us who care because you have talked yourself into believing we’re bored. We’re not! We’re here for you!

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    • Deborah, can I give you a hug? This is exactly, precisely, the words I needed and had to hear and read. I was so afraid I was putting everyone to sleep. Who wants to hear the same pain over and over, although I mix up other things in my posts, I tend to go back to Al. Thank you for telling me to be who I am. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Tonight I was feeling worse by not blogging at all. I don’t want to stop, but I don’t want to be dull

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      • You are not the best judge of what is dull and what isn’t. But you will certainly lose your readers if you don’t post. There would be nothing for us to read. So stop judging yourself, and just write. If I don’t read every single thing you post, it isn’t because you’re dull. It’s because we all have things that we are dealing with. But don’t stop writing and posting. That solves nothing. And, as you say, it makes you actually feel worse, and your readers worry about you and wonder what happened. Let readers make their own choices, but keep writing.

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  7. I agree with Deborah in the comment above Terry; don’t stop blogging just because you believe you are boring us. I know from experience that the act of composing a blog post in itself can be healing, and then the wonderful feedback you get from your readers is another part of the healing process. My advice to you (should you wish to accept it!) is to keep writing, keep blogging, and keep going!! It hasn’t been long enough yet for you to even begin to say you are “over” your brother’s passing so don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe in time you will find yourself not spending every minute of every day thinking about him and you will find short spells where your thoughts are on other things. Embrace those moments – they are your soul being restored and they do not at all belittle the love you have for your brother. The act of creating something (such as a blog post or short story) will help you too. Best wishes my friend.

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  8. Take your breaks as you need them.
    But – know this – You are not boring. You may think that you should be further along. But – it really still is a time of change for you. You have been in each others lives for so long & although in a different way – you will continue to be a part of each others lives. There is no such thing as a grieving deadline or timeline. Everyone takes the time that is needed for them. And – there are ups & downs. And – that’s “normal.”
    Take it easy on yourself.
    And – I will say it again – Take it easy on yourself.
    {Hugs}

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  9. Pingback: Teresa, What Does it Say to You? | terry1954

  10. Terry, I haven’t blogged or read blogs since March 14th. I’m so sorry I WASN’T here for you. I know the pain of loss.. actually blogged about it today! I will pray for you. I know you have a new found freedom and I’m glad you are still writing… but I know it also hurts and there is a spot that’s empty now that Al is gone. Big hugs! Have a blessed weekend.

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    • I am sorry for your loss my friend. I didn’t realize the void, the emptiness could be so big but it is. I am now venturing out. At first is was frightful, but getting a little easier now. I have this habit of whispering to Al that I will be back soon and that I love him when I leave. I know it is silly. I have a radio playing constantly in his bedroom. This helps a little. Big hugs my friend

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