I had a very restless night last night. I didn’t sleep well at all. I stressed and worried about the many negative remarks on my post yesterday. I pondered on maybe just giving up writing.
If I have to worry about whether I am going to be slammed for my honesty in writing, it may not be worth putting it out to the world.
A friend did remind me that my blog is placed for all to see and there are strangers who don’t know me who may take the postings in a different view. This is so true. If you don’t know me, then you would be more free to judge in a wide-angled space.
I have never considered putting an invisible fence around my thoughts. I have shared so much of how I feel and what I observe in my life. I never thought once about being cautious about what I say.
Should I talk about common things, pretty things, pretty babies, or going to a friend’s house for dinner. Must I always keep my subject matter on a surface level?
I think when I have to do this, then I must stop writing. I must admit that I never dreamed that asking for a few healthy tips on how to keep my dog from tripping me by walking under my feet would cause such a negative over-load of comments.
I did get an excellent tip from Tobi on my Facebook. She told me to put small rugs in my kitchen or bathroom, anywhere he is under foot and teach him to sit on those while I am in that room. This way I am safe, he is safe and we are together. This is exactly what I was looking for, and I will start using this tip today.
Thankfully, there were some who emailed me, and talked to me on Facebook that helped me. Also a blogging friend who I have known and respected so long on WP, made it clear to not let others bring me down or strip me of my joy in life.
I thought about this and I have been temporarily stripped of joy. Losing my brother Al, was devastating. He wasn’t just my brother, he was my kick-side and I was his caregiver, 365 days a year for seven years. Of course I am going to feel empty.
Should I go into a deep depression or sit alone crying? I need to be needed. I want to be accepted. This is why I got AJ. He can’t replace my brother, but he can help heal me in ways my empty house could not do after Al left.
I want AJ and my relationship to be fabulous. I believe in training when they are young. I believe in not letting a pet as well as a human run my life, but to make my life better. I believe that AJ needs to be adapted into my world, the way I live with lots of love and laughter.
I am much better because of AJ, but like our own young children, we had to teach them right from wrong, just like we do when we get new pets. I didn’t beat my kids and I don’t beat AJ.
I don’t walk around here with a fly swatter in my hand just waiting to pounce.I don’t own one of those training clickers so I used the click of the fly swatter one time on the top of his cage to teach him it is wrong to bark in his cage. He learned immediately and has not barked since. I am a good person. I love people and life. I cry still missing Al, but I laugh more because of AJ.
I can’t make you read each word I write. I know many scan blogs to pick out the highlights. I try to write something interesting and there are many times I ask for tips or help. I never pretend to know it all.
I am still fragile inside from my brother’s death. I have to make the decision to change myself to please everyone or remain true to myself and keep looking for the good in life. I have chosen to remain myself, maybe a little too honest. Maybe a little too emotional, but I am who I am. I can’t quit writing, this is part of who I am.