A Big Decision


Sometimes changes occur after a big change hits you in the face. Maybe it is a domino effect, maybe not.

dominosI am doing better since my brother’s passing but I still have bad days. As many of you have stated in your comments those bad moments can be anywhere and anytime.

I have been dealing with it pretty much by myself. This can be a good thing or not. A lot of time to think. I do go out on Friday nights with some girlfriends, but it is still difficult. Sometimes I pretend to be so happy. I smile and end up being too talkative. When I get home I do pat myself on the back for staying until everyone leaves.me may 2014

I work part-time but I don’t care for it much. Maybe it is part due to it is with sick patients again. Maybe it is because I am cleaning their homes. What I would rather be doing is taking care of the patient.

So my days slide by at a slow pace, but inside I am wishing for a little faster track.race

There are other reasons I won’t go into tonight but I am not happy. I have looked into my soul so many times and I always come back to the same statement.

I know I am only 60 and I don’t know my time to leave this earth, but do I have to live the rest of my days being unhappy?

The answer is always the same; no. My children love me and I love them, but still I don’t see them much, and this is no ones fault, it is just what it is. I have my daughter who lives in KY with her husband and my second to the oldest granddaughter.

I have my very best girlfriend that lives about an hour and a half from me. We see each other when we can. Other than that it is me and AJ, my dog.My new dog He keeps me a lot of company.

Yet, there is a void. So I have made a decision and after talking to a close confident this morning it was sealed with my approval. I am selling or going to try to, sell my home and go to where my daughter is.

There will be no more cold, snowy and windy days to make my diabetic feet hurt. From November until a few weeks ago my feet burnt so bad from being cold. Now that it is warmer, the burning is gone, but I don’t want to go through it again.

No more wishing I could get out in the winter but realizing my car won’t drive well at all in snow. Not as many aches from arthritis. Sun shine much more often. This always improves my moods. I will also be able to share some good times and dinners with family instead of being alone.

Although this is what I wish for, I am not sure it is God’s plan; so I would appreciate your good thoughts and prayers on my decision. I believe if God thinks this would be a good move for me, the home will sell easily. I know I can get a job down there taking care of an elderly person. I know I will be loved and cared about and the most important thing will be I won’t have to be alone all the time again. The sound of voices and laughter can once again feel my heart.

I will miss my parents.mom and dad I will miss my best friend, but hopefully six hours apart will not let us remain unseenย  forever.ย  I will miss you dear brother.Al in the morning But dear family, you will always remain in my heart.

 

28 thoughts on “A Big Decision

  1. Changes come slowly and sometimes we do not know what to change or how.
    i wish I had words of wisdom on how to fill that void but I do not know how.
    I am not even sure how to fill my void and the missing the life my hubby and I used to have.
    Life is changes and acceptance and we all have our moments.
    Hugs and I hope your moments are filled with sunshine and warmth.

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    • It is nice to know that you have no doubt what I am speaking of. I just know I do not want to spend the rest of my days in death. This is what surrounds me daily. Death of my parents, death of my brother. I can turn no where inside my home without visiting death. Hugs

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  2. Ok, I am back..Terry, I think change is good. I think it is good to experience newness in life. Spring represents to me newness, rebirth, resurrection, new beginnings. Sometimes a new start in life, with new experiences for us to grow and flourish. Most definitely pray first. I wonder where you would be relocating to? I always look up libraries, churches and try to get a general feel for a place. If it would alleviate some of your health symptoms sounds like it would be a blessing. To have family that already lives there it even better. God wants to use us where He places us and then wants us to continue learning and growing and being a blessing to others. I think it as exciting!

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    • I would go to where my daughter resides. A small country town in KY. I have been there a few times. I love the scenery, the old style and laid back living. It is much smaller in population than where I am at. People know no strangers there, so unlike what it is here. Prayer is what I am asking for, as I have screwed up before and don’t want to do it again. Hugs Mother Hen

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      • Terry, I have many times over messed up big time. Our God is patient with us and constantly working on us, perfecting, pruning, and cleaning us up. It has taken me yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssssssssss. lol! It sounds neat. Prayer is where it’s at. You will feel peace about it, if it is meant to be..

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  3. You are in our prayers- well, at least mine. It is funny how life can change so completely from what we anticipated just a year or so ago. Always challenges, sometimes even adventure…which can be a relative word. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  4. This is a very big decision so I know you will give it your most thoughtful consideration. Change isn’t easy at any age, but it isn’t impossible. I think a good sign will be the sale of your house. If it goes through, then you should follow through, too. Make sure you like where your daughter lives!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • I have been where my daughter is a few times. Just got back from spending a week there after Al passed. But I totally agree with you. I think if the house sells, especially quicker than I think, it is a sign from God it is right. Hugs my friend

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  5. The common wisdom is not to make any major moves or decision in the first year after such a loss. I’m not so sure that’s always the right advice, however.

    One of my favorite scripture verses is Jeremiah 29:11-14. “11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.”

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    • Those are great verses and fit my situation very well. I feel if the house sells fairly quick, then it is God telling me it is alright. If it drags on and on, I will know I am not to go at this time

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  6. If the house sells, then it is definitely a sign. Having your daughter there means you won’t be going somewhere there is no one you know.

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    • very true. She won’t let me fall between the cracks because she loves me through all of my errors in life, not just for what I can do for her. Hugs Al. So I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed as the house is being shown in about a half an hour

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      • Oh wow. Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚ Not sure how long ago that was. Been exceptionally busy with a new phone today

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  7. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know you will make the right decision. You need to learn to also trust yourself. We all make mistakes, but living in fear of making mistakes sometimes just leads us to inaction and more mistakes. ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • You know Deborah, I think this is a big issue within me. I have been married and divorced. I always wished that my kids and I were closer than we are. So I figure I have made big errors and so this move could be another one. I don’t know but I don’t trust my judgment as much as I used to because of fear of failure. Thanks for this wonderful comment

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  8. Bless you – I will pray that your plans go well and that you’ll soon be enjoying closer contact with your family without losing the contact you’ve enjoyed with others. I think moving might well be a really good idea for you. Keep strong – you’re inspirational ๐Ÿ™‚

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  9. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Sometimes it is a change that we need to get our feet grounded again. Being with your daughter will lift your spirits and bring joy back into your life of that I have no doubt. {hugs}

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  10. If it was a quick decision…maybe NO… but, I believe you’ve had changing in your mind for quite awhile… Do you get any vibes from your son and family???…or your daughter where you will be near??? I too am a firm believer in that if you sell quickly…it is probably meant to be a go!… Just wishing you much happiness!… and that your decision is beneficial!

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  11. this seems like a great idea! we moved from california to georgia to be near our family. it was a lot of work to get us here but it was well worth it. sending healing loving thoughts your way my friend.

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