My doctor says I am mourning still. What exactly does this mean? I seem to be fine when I am involved with my family. If they call or come over I forget all about me and dive into their issues.
If I am with friends I am happy but it doesn’t take long until I feel the blues coming and want to rush home. This is not what I expected from losing my brother. My son who lives the closest to me went away for the weekend.
Within an hour I was at my all time low. Why? I have tried to rationalize this since last night when I crawled into my bed at eight- thirty. I could have been with my friends who tell me they enjoy my company; but instead, here I had run home to hide in my own pool of anger because I can’t seem to move past this.
I have new grandbabies I adore. I have kids who love me. I have food and a place to reside. I can’t find a job. My bills are beginning to worry me. I need a vacation but can’t think of a cheap place to go. Three times last evening I heard, it is your age keeping you from getting employment. So many things I can’t do because of damages from my diabetes.
I am afraid I am leaning to heavy on my kids for what, I don’t know. They are grown, I am grown. If this is mourning than I guess the shoe fits. My doctor says I will move past this. I ask, when?