What Once Was

The video I just shared with you is directed to me. Not that I am guilty of being so preoccupied with my own trinkets, but I recognize the words.

I have more than 600 friends on Facebook, but in reality I have one. Getting online and blogging or chatting with cyber friends is a good feeling. Shut down the computer, turn around and get up from the chair, and I see nothing.

You may not understand this but this video I shared with you but it reminds me of the day my brother passed away. For months so many cared, then he died, and within two hours of this terrible moment, his room was cleared of all equipment.

The feelings I had shook  me  up. Was he really here? Had I stood by  his side for so long and yet now, I had to imagine he had been there within the last two hours.

I have had this conversation several times about how lonely I am and maybe you are too. What happened? How many families sit down and eat together as a family? We traded riding bikes to sit in front of a screen.

We don’t notice others, we are so engrossed with what we are doing. I am not talking about all of us, but I am sure there are plenty of you who get what I am saying. It  has become a ME world for the most.

I find, that I have important things to say. I admit I haven’t been healthy lately. I reach out to those but am more aloof as I realize I am not taken seriously. Commitments to this or that prevent the real conversations.

Feelings are surface as people are mentally thinking what is next on the agenda for the day. Is it so hard to sit still for five minutes and really listen? Is it easy for you to place yourself in another heart; trying your best to understand, to comprehend what is in that heart and soul?

Do we take the time to look up, to  hear what they say? I don’t know how many times I have looked forward to spending some quality time with someone and our time is interrupted by cell phone texting and phones ringing.

For me, it makes me feel alone and unimportant. Maybe this is not right, maybe this is not the normal, but what is normal? I was brought up to believe in family, sharing conversations and meals together. Reaching out to help another soul was a good thing. Today, I can’t get anyone to share those times with me. I can stand in the middle of a crowd and feel entirely alone, missing what once was.


20 thoughts on “What Once Was

  1. Oh Terry, I know you as you know me and I would not be able to cope with this phase of Ants’ illness without your blogged experience and inspirational courage about Al. Thank you so so so much – Julie


  2. In today’s busy & hectic world – it’s not always easy to maintain face to face relationships. I think social media is wonderful way to meet new people & stay in touch with others that are not close by to catch in person. We just have to remind ourselves not to get too absorbed by today’s technologies that we forget to enjoy time with the people that are close enough to get together with in person.


  3. Oh yes, Terry. Thank you for sharing the video. It reminded me so much of the reasons I am trying to curtail my late, late night surfing….and instead get a good sleep so I can be cheerful, alert and awake as I care for my husband the following day. I can always go back and surf later…after he is gone. But I can never get back those moments with him when he is still here.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. (HUGS)


    • I agree with you totally. I have up so much of who I was in order to spend quality time with my brother. I am sure this is why I am having such huge issues getting back into life; but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I complained that I didn’t have enough help; but yet I am the one with all the memories. Hugs my friend, you are doing an awesome job


  4. Oh Terry. The day will come when your life will begin to make sense again and a sense of purpose will come back. The loneliness will fade and your happiness will return. I blogged yesterday about feeling ‘adrift’ in this world. I was told that what I am feeling now will pass as I am sure it will pass for you.
    Be strong dear lady.


  5. As I was sitting in the jury room waiting area…I looked around …and everyone had heads down …looking into a phone or tablet or laptop…
    I asked, “Does anyone want to quit what they are doing and play a game of cards (UNO)?”… and all looked up and laughed but, I only had 3 takers beside myself… That was probably not bad… and I think we had a most enjoyable time meeting and talking to each other who were perfect strangers!… Sometimes we just have to rock the boat a little and make people aware of what they are doing!…So…it’s NOT you…it’s this silly world we live in!


  6. You sort of need a balance. Having cyber friends is fantastic and it makes me happy having many and wonderful ones like you Terry. Still we mustn’t forget the people near you you can reach and see face to face. I have seen this clip before and it makes you think, which it intends to do.
    I was on the Underground yesterday and everyone sitting there was on the phone…. this is reality unfortunately and it is up to us to bring more personal interaction in again , more personal contact.
    You do go out and meet others and enjoy their company, so don’t be so harsh on yourself. and remember there are lots of people here who love you!


  7. I’ve seen that video several times now, Terry, and it always speaks to me. I value the friends I’ve made here in cyberspace, including you 🙂 But I can’t stop reaching out to my “right here and now” friends, the ones who live nearby and are a part of my real-time life. Way to easy to live life behind a computer screen.


    • That is the healthy way to live I believe. Wonderful friendships can be formed in cyber space, but there is nothing better than a hug and a smile from someone facing you


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