My Day At The Doctor

I have been dealing with so much these past three months, sometimes I am amazed at how God and you have picked me up and carried me throughout the days. Days of feeling too sad to get out of bed. Days of not wanting to make any decisions, and believe it or not, there have been days I don’t want to eat.

Taking care of my brother was probably the biggest challenge I ever have had in my life. So many friends and family told me over and over, take a break, take a rest, get away. Sometimes I listened, others I didn’t.  I don’t blame what I heard today on my care of Al, but when you run on stress month after month, it can set you up for low immunity.

I always felt even though there were times I had help, there was still no one that could take care of him giving him all the emotional support better than me. Of course there are consequences to letting your  mind and body go for months without the proper rest, care and nutrition; so if you are a caregiver, make and take the time, to consider you. Even short breaks does the mind and body good.

Last winter I started having problems, not bad, but enough that I noticed and knew something was happening within me. I tried my best to ignore them and go forward; after all Al needed me. After Al passed, it seemed that my body gave in to whatever it wanted to.

I had ear infections, eye infections. I pulled my arm and damaged a nerve and strained some ligaments. I got tired and seemed to have no energy; even if I slept for hours and hours, I still felt exhausted.

I began to notice that I would sometimes see the words I was typing jump around on the screen. Once again, I was suspicious, but ignored it. It wasn’t something I couldn’t deal with. Then more and more often I had trouble swallowing. It didn’t matter if it was my medications or a bite of food, it just wouldn’t go down. After all, I had taken care of Al for seven years, and my father for a year, and numerous other patients for a total of 23 years, so I could deal with a few minor issues, right?

The next thing I noticed is that when I walked very long I would feel inside my head become  unsteady. I wouldn’t fall; but I felt like I was going to. I started putting the pieces of the puzzle together and went to my doctor a few times.

I knew my history as far as my family went, so I wasn’t really shocked when I heard the news. I was more in question of why me? After all I did helping others make it through life and death situations, I should be left alone.

But, we know God has his plans, and we sometimes have to face it that our lives may take a turn that we don’t really wish for, and this is one time for me.

I have decided to put my home up for sale and move closer to my daughter. My doctor highly recommended it. Not only for the fact that everywhere I go in my home, I see Al, but also if I need additional help or support, she and her family will make the time for me.

Like I said earlier, I wasn’t shocked as this illness runs very high in my dad’s side of the family, so when I heard the words Parkinson’s Disease, I didn’t pass out. The doctor explained that since I am so far down the line, that I have a high percentage of not having a full-blown PD. Right now my head tremors and my one hand when I am trying to hold food or something. Swallowing and feeling unsteady are still with me.

I have faith I will get through this, but it brings me huge comfort that I will not have to travel this road alone. I am going to work harder on doing what I did with Al; finding at least one small thing that is positive in my day. I am going to try to stay out of my bed more.

You can live many years with PD, and hopefully the quality of years I have left will be more beneficial than not. The last thing I ever want to dump on my family’s lap is the word burden.


me may 2014

45 thoughts on “My Day At The Doctor

  1. Good golly, after all you have gone through – I am so sorry to hear of this, but I admire your spirit and happy for you that you can move forward. Keep working on getting the book published I truly believe it will help so many others.


    • The book is in editing right now, so I am working on it. Thanks Nena. There is a small part of me that thinks also I have dealt with enough, but I guess I have no choice but to accept


  2. I am so sorry to hear that. I know the love and support of your daughter will be a great help. Keep blogging and sharing your experiences with the world as you have helped many people.


  3. I am so sorry, Terry. I remember you mentioning some of this several months ago, and I’ve wondered how you were doing. I’m so glad you’re moving closer to your daughter. Praying for you, my friend.


    • Thank you. Although this is not near as severe as Al’s MSA was, it will make me feel better being close to her and hopefully good memories will form from being away from this house


  4. I am sorry Terry. I know you said about this whilst you were looking after Al. One of the nurses said something to you about it if I remember correctly. I am glad you are going to move closer to your family. During this time where you suffer with the grief, and the depression afterwards, you are vulnerable to all kinds of ails. With being closer to your daughter, she can keep an eye on you, and maybe it is God’s way of telling you that you need a rest.


    • Thanks Al, as long as I can I will take photos and write. I will fight this. PD runs very high on my dad’s side. I guess I am not shocked, but I am sure the years of caring for others helped to wear me down and set me up. Big hugs my friend


  5. I’m so sorry Terry. That doesn’t seem fair.

    I’m glad you have decided to move closer to your daughter, you need some support and I’m sure it will help. I certainly hope so.


  6. Not sure what to say…my heart and prayers go out to you.
    God has a purpose in everything but sometimes I really have to shake my head and wonder what it could possibly be.
    Take care sweetie!


    • I will fight just like I fought for my brother. Hopefully the doctor is right and it won’t be as bad as others in my family. Thanks and hugs my friend. You are a special person. You have always stood by my side with Al, and I know you will be here for me also


  7. Terry I am sorry to hear that, I think you thought of it before that you might have it. You made hte right decision to sell and move to be closer to your family. PD can be hold in check with optimism, diet and exercise. My blog friend Fred who has it, (I sent you once his link) has written loads how to conquer it and slow it down. And his latest post said he is getting better. So do pop in his blog again and get some great advice from him.
    Big hugs Terry, keep strong!


  8. Dearest Terry, I am sat here, speechless, and yet my brain is talking so fast that I cannot hear what it’s saying. My heart is heavy with sadness for what you have been given as your ‘load’.

    Know that I am praying for you. ~ Cobs. x


      • Paul the apostle had a “thorn in his flesh” (2 Corinthians 12:7) that may very well have been an illness or diagnosis. We each have a “thorn” that allows us to speak with real authority about something in those spaces where others share our afflictions. True understanding comes from the inside and gives different insight than external authority … just some food for thought…


      • very good food for thought, thank you. I know Al’s MSA has allowed me to reach out to so many who need help. Thanks AR


  9. Ohhhh buuu on PD.
    And – buuu on you having it.
    But – you I know you can handle this. How do I know this. Giiiirl – you have been through a lot & then some & have come out of it on top.
    Will be nice when you are living by your daughter. That may help alleviate some of your stress too. Will you still be in Indiana?
    Take it easy.


  10. So sorry to learn of your illness, Terry. Ye Gads!! I can’t believe it! After all you have been through! Your attitude seems so very courageous. I can clearly see that the past struggles of your life have made you a very strong person. I am glad you are going to be near your daughter. You deserve to have the support just like you have always given others, and if your daughter is at all like you I know you will receive it. And, yes, the good news is that Parkinson’s Disease responds well to treatment, plus enormous strides are being made in the treatments available for PD. I will continue to watch for your posts, and I wish you well


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