Sunday noon and nothing to do. I am still not in the mood to pack more. I am going to save that for tomorrow.
Sunday noon and nothing to do. I am still not in the mood to pack more. I am going to save that for tomorrow. I should have packed and stayed inside where I belonged. I had fixed a crock pot full of fresh green beans, yellow and green squash, a few yellow potatoes, lots of spices with a smoked pork chop for added flavor last night right before bedtime.
This morning it smelled so good in the kitchen that I decided to have this delicious soup for brunch instead of my usual eggs. I ate about 10ish and then played on the computer. I finally decided to get dressed and I gathered up some coupons I had accumulated and headed for coupon shopping at a local store.
I grabbed a protein snack and headed off. I ate this when I wasn’t hungry because for weeks I have fought with my Diabetes sugar levels to stay above the low numbers; so I thought I was safe. I had gathered up a bag of trash, my purse and headed out the front door. I locked the door and then it hit me; my keys are hanging inside on the hook. Oh crap, now what do I do. Fortunately for me I remembered a time years ago when I had done something stupid like that. I got a credit card out of my purse and worked it until the door popped open. I am a natural-born criminal I guess! LOL I got to the store and started my adventure of shopping. I went from aisle to aisle, department to department, comparing the prices against my cents off coupons.
I didn’t realize how long I had been there and I forgot it was the last weekend before school, so the store was packed wall to wall. Kids and parents, college students everywhere. Then there were those of us old folks just trying to stay out of people’s way and out of trouble.
I completed all the non-perishables and had begun down the dairy section where the cheeses were. Suddenly out of no where I felt shaky. My legs began to feel like they were going to fall from under me. Instantly I recognized my low sugar numbers. I looked up at the wall clock and I had been there three hours. Wow, how time flies when we are having a blast?
Here I was with my cart filled with my hard labor of mind thinking and I have this come up. It seems that ever since I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, my sugar levels have dropped. I guess I am going to have to have a meeting with my wonderful family doctor soon.
At the far end of the store was the Bakery department. I hardly ever visit that area because I am weak to the sweets. I made my legs walk and I could feel myself getting light-headed; but I made it to that section.
I walked to the doughnut section and with all my energy I had left I opened the double doors and grabbed one of those little self-serve tissues and took a cake doughnut; a blueberry one. I was careful enough to at least not get one of those with icing dripping from all sides.
I began to eat it right there, leaning on my cart. I probably looked like the town drunk the way I stood. ” Hey, you can’t just open up the doors and help yourself and eat here. You have to pay for that first.”
I couldn’t speak, I never can when my sugar is too low. I kept pushing the doughnut in as fast as I could, trying to speed up the process of bringing my sugar levels back up. I ignored her because I didn’t want to pass out right there. She walked over and said those words again and then she looked at my face.
She knew something was wrong and got me a chair to sit down. She stayed with me instead of calling the police for doughnut theft. When I could finally speak I explained what had happened and she laughed saying she had recognized that before with her grandma and she should have seen it in me.
I asked her how I should pay for an invisible doughnut and she told me what to say. I hadn’t finished my coupon shopping but chose to head to the check-out counter and pay for my items. I did save thirteen dollars, yes! I somehow got my bags in my car and then plopped down on the driver’s seat and just sat there waiting for me to feel alright enough to drive home. When I got home I checked my sugar and it was 157. That wasn’t bad at all considering I had eaten a whole doughnut.
I act really strange when my sugar is low, so if you see someone acting like I did in a store, reach out to them and see if you can be of assistance. It is better to help than watch someone pass out to the floor.
I suppose I am no different than some. I can look back and see mistakes I have made.
I suppose I am no different from some. I can look back and see mistakes I have made. Some mistakes will never be forgotten. I have emotionally kicked myself, and I am one of those who will forgive another but save myself for last.
So when it came to moving away from my home town, it was a real tough decision. Back and forth I went. My head felt like a spinning top at times. I would discuss my worries with my children, and then turn to my best friend. I always got a different opinion from each person.
I realized that no matter which way I decided I was going to let someone down or hurt someone’s feelings. Restless nights started to become familiar. Waking moments were spent in confusion and being tired and a lack of smiles.
I tossed over and over with the fact that I was leaving Al behind. At the time I could not see clear that I wasn’t leaving him at all. My memories would never fade, my love would continue on, and the most important factor was and still is; to recognize that he isn’t here at all, he is in heaven.
I wanted to please my kids and myself. I just didn’t know what to do or where to turn. I had no one else to ask advice from. I wanted to desperately have some living person tell me what decision I should make, and of course those close to me would not do that. Each knew that the one who had to make the final decision had to be me.
I was laying in bed not really paying attention to the program on TV when a light bulb came on. I did have a chance at a second opinion. I did have every ability to put all my faith in the answer I would receive.
God, yes, let’s ask God. I can remember smiling to myself when this idea entered my mind. I had gone to every living soul, but had never asked God, which I should have done first.
My prayer was pretty simple. Jesus, I am so confused. I don’t want to hurt my best friend. I don’t want to hurt my children. I don’t want to make another gigantic mistake in my life. I have made too many. So I am asking forgiveness for coming to you last. Thank-you for reminding me to seek you answers. I want to move for various reasons but I don’t know if it is a good idea. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I have to do what is best for me. Please help me, show me and guide me to the path I should take. If I am to move and because I am so blind to see and recognize it is you speaking to me and not my own flesh desires, let me see I am heading in the right direction. Amen.
After that everything started to fall into place. Although I feel sadness and will feel this big time as I pull out of my driveway, I know that God is directing me. I feel confident that everything will work out and I will be alright, because God showed me the facts. What was my second and last opinion, should have been the first.
Not that I have worked my fingers to the bone from morning until night; but I was sick of packing. Maybe there was a tinge of excitement from the signing of the paper work today. A little bit of sadness from leaving part of my family behind, and some anxiousness about what I am about to walk into in the next chapter of my life.
For what ever reason I needed a break. I walked down and got the…