I suppose I am no different from some. I can look back and see mistakes I have made. Some mistakes will never be forgotten. I have emotionally kicked myself, and I am one of those who will forgive another but save myself for last.
So when it came to moving away from my home town, it was a real tough decision. Back and forth I went. My head felt like a spinning top at times. I would discuss my worries with my children, and then turn to my best friend. I always got a different opinion from each person.
I realized that no matter which way I decided I was going to let someone down or hurt someone’s feelings. Restless nights started to become familiar. Waking moments were spent in confusion and being tired and a lack of smiles.
I tossed over and over with the fact that I was leaving Al behind. At the time I could not see clear that I wasn’t leaving him at all. My memories would never fade, my love would continue on, and the most important factor was and still is; to recognize that he isn’t here at all, he is in heaven.
I wanted to please my kids and myself. I just didn’t know what to do or where to turn. I had no one else to ask advice from. I wanted to desperately have some living person tell me what decision I should make, and of course those close to me would not do that. Each knew that the one who had to make the final decision had to be me.
I was laying in bed not really paying attention to the program on TV when a light bulb came on. I did have a chance at a second opinion. I did have every ability to put all my faith in the answer I would receive.
God, yes, let’s ask God. I can remember smiling to myself when this idea entered my mind. I had gone to every living soul, but had never asked God, which I should have done first.
My prayer was pretty simple. Jesus, I am so confused. I don’t want to hurt my best friend. I don’t want to hurt my children. I don’t want to make another gigantic mistake in my life. I have made too many. So I am asking forgiveness for coming to you last. Thank-you for reminding me to seek you answers. I want to move for various reasons but I don’t know if it is a good idea. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I have to do what is best for me. Please help me, show me and guide me to the path I should take. If I am to move and because I am so blind to see and recognize it is you speaking to me and not my own flesh desires, let me see I am heading in the right direction. Amen.
After that everything started to fall into place. Although I feel sadness and will feel this big time as I pull out of my driveway, I know that God is directing me. I feel confident that everything will work out and I will be alright, because God showed me the facts. What was my second and last opinion, should have been the first.