Today I had to run some errands. Among those errands were dropping off cards and flowers to some that have remained along my side since my brother died. I walked in smiling and cheerful, and walked out in tears.
No, they were not sad tears, but tears of good memories of Al. We talked about the life he had growing up. We spoke about the smile that was always on his face when a compliment was paid to him or he knew he was doing something to help others.
We talked about the suffering he went through from the time of his bed rest in October until March when he went to heaven. Al was a proud man. When he could still speak he would always remind me that he thought he was a burden to me.
I constantly had to reassure him that I was taking care of him because I loved him. I know it is hard to believe but do you know the company he worked for, for nine years still talks about Al at least once every day? Yes, this came straight from the employees mouths. They miss Al almost as much as I do.
I shared a moment when Al could not speak anymore but God performed a miracle. He allowed Al to speak one final time and the words were as clear as crystal. I probably have shared this with you, my friends before, and if I did, I am sorry you have to read them again.
Al’s last words to me were my gift for taking care of him. He said, ” Sis, you did your best, I know you love me and I think you are the best sis ever.” Even writing this makes me all teary-eyed all over again. I thanked God that minute he spoke and I still thank him today for that special gift.
It is still very difficult for me to move forward, but I am having better days. A friend told me today that I visited,” You took care of Al for so long. You never gave up. In ways you were closer to him than any other siblings I know. There is bound to be a large void and a feeling of being lost.”
Those few sentences seemed to validate how I feel. I felt myself relax a little. It was like being told that the illness I carry inside of me called mourning, is alright to feel. I am going to be healed in time.
I think dear God above must know this will be true also. I believe this is why he is allowing me to move to a different scenery. Faces that I saw today didn’t have to speak. I knew from their eyes they miss my brother also.
Although there were tears today, I feel a few pounds lighter knowing that this is normal. My feelings I carry will fade from the pain and the memories I will gain. Miss you brother, and in case you are wondering bud, yes, we were all talking about you today. You know? I think I just saw you smile from heaven. Take care of him Lord until I get there.